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Jeremy Clarkson calls CyclingMikey a “sneak” and claims “using a phone in a car that’s not moving is as dangerous as knitting”… is then seen walking a bike in Copenhagen because his “anus is broken”; How about that Paris-Roubaix? + more on the live blog

Au revoir to Roubaix, allons y to Ardennes, Adwitiya will be kicking off this week with a Monday live blog bringing all the latest cycling news to you

SUMMARY

08 April 2024, 08:50
Jeremy Clarkson calls CyclingMikey a “sneak” and claims “using a phone in a car that’s not moving is as dangerous as knitting”

What a beautiful day to wake up after a lovely weekend of Paris-Roubaix, there’s obviously not going to be a Jeremy Clarkson comment in The Sun to ruin it, surely?

Oh would you believe it!

Jeremy Clarkson CyclingMikey comment piece in The Sun

Mr Clarkson, perhaps in need of spare change to hire bikes in Copenhagen which apparently left him with a “broken anus” (more on that in a minute), has had a go at Mike van Erp, or commonly known as CyclingMikey, calling him a “sneak” and also claiming that “using a phone in a car that’s not moving is as dangerous as knitting”.

At least this time, he hasn’t used AI by the looks of it…

> We asked AI to write us an anti-cyclist article in the style of Jeremy Clarkson: Here's what it came up with

He starts off the piece recognising that van Erp, a Dutch cyclist who grew up in Zimbabwe, was hit by a personal tragedy when he was a teen, when a drunk driver killed his father, and goes on to call him a “social media warrior” for posting videos of drivers breaking laws.

“This unpaid volunteer, who even turns up at court to offer himself as a witness, is doing what the police these days will not do. Enforcing the law,” says Clarkson. “He’s Charles Bronson with bicycle clips. The Equaliser, with saddle sores.”

“So why, then, do I think Mr Mikey is the most dreadful man in Britain today?” Clarkson asks, perhaps referring to The Times article from last year which labelled him as “Britain’s most hated cyclist”.

And this is where the egregious yet banal series of ad hominem conjectures begin. He writes: “It’s not because he has an awful more-in-sorrow-than-anger attitude, remaining stupidly calm while those he’s filmed use every insult in the book to lambast him.

“Nor is it because of his squeaky voice. I don’t even mind that he’s a lefty. It’s entirely predictable that a middle-aged “carer” on a bicycle wants to kick out the Tories. He does a lot of reposting on Twitter about this. Of course he does.”

> "Stoking cyclist hate will get him more publicity": CyclingMikey hits back at Mr Loophole's latest attack on "snitch society" camera cyclists

So what’s Clarkson’s beef? “Well, first of all, most of the people he catches using the phone are stuck in a traffic jam,” he says.

He adds that while it is illegal to use a mobile device while stationary at the wheel, “we all know using a phone in a car that’s not moving is as dangerous as knitting”.

Cycling Mikey gets accused of supporting Chelsea (credit - CyclingMikey YouTube)

CyclingMikey's one of many heated altercations with not-so-friendly motorists... This time he was accused of supporting Chelsea (he doesn't support Chelsea)

> Driver caught using mobile phone launches foul-mouthed tirade at CyclingMikey — and accuses him of supporting Chelsea

Only if Mr Clarkson had done his homework, because, a 2021 research from three experts, hailing from University of Auckland, University of Birmingham and University College London, has showed that “cellphone use while driving distracts the driver from the primary task of operating the vehicle, and puts them and others at increased risk of harm”.

The research adds: “We found that while viewing a cellphone in a concealed position, drivers demonstrated inferior driving behaviour, with poorer control over lane position and speed.”

I think it’s safe to conclude that maybe it’s slightly more dangerous than knitting?

Clarkson, then finally, reveals his agenda against Mikey, saying that “what annoys him the most is that he’s a sneak,” before laying out anecdotes about his school days when the entire school didn’t give him up for “putting Polyfilla in every single one of the school’s locks”. Well, driving with phones and a schoolboy’s mischief don’t sound analogous to me.

Maybe it’s time to ask the same question we asked a year ago, does anyone care anymore?

> Jeremy Clarkson "anti-cycling" column "peddles hate for easy money"... but does anyone actually care any more?

08 April 2024, 09:03
Jeremy Clarkson and his "broken anus" (Instagram: @thetallirish)
Jeremy Clarkson and his “broken anus” — all because of riding a bike on the cobbles of Copenhagen

Pack it up everyone, we have two Jeremy Clarkson posts back-to-back!

The man who apparently has made a name for himself for leading the charge against the “lycra-clad warriors” who are set to bring down “capitalism with their handlebars” (that sounds cool as hell, wish it was true), what does he do in Copenhagen? Well of course, ride a bike, and then get off it. Because, you know, his “anus is broken”…

Ummm, too much information Jeremy? At least that’s what his girlfriend Lisa Hogan thought too, before sharing the video on Instagram for everyone else to see.

Complaining about fairly smooth paved cobbles on the day of Paris-Roubaix? There’s definitely layers of irony to unpack there. As our video production lead Jamie joked, “ Find this bloke some real cobbles!”

“I think you’re meant to be cycling that,” Hogan chides him, with a battered and bruised (and maybe a couple of pints down) Clarkson  replying: “My anoose is broken”, walking away to a shocked realisation from Hogan: “TMI!”

I've watched the video an unhealthy amount of times and I can say, it’s the stuff of nightmares. The “anoose” is going to come haunt me in my sleep for days to come. Anyway, it might be a good time to bring this back once again.

08 April 2024, 16:41
BBC journalist corrects cargo bike critics, points out it "replaced my car" and saved "£1,000 in fuel"
Anna Holligan cargo bike (Twitter)

"Using my bike costs the BBC nothing": Anna Holligan also "set the record straight" over incorrect claims her employer "has somehow indulged me" by paying for it...

> BBC journalist corrects cargo bike critics, points out it "replaced my car" and saved "£1,000 in fuel"

08 April 2024, 16:00
Matthieu van der Poel at Paris Roubaix 2024 (Zac Williams/SWpix.com)
Are these the hands of a man who just rode Paris-Roubaix at 47.8kmph?

Never a bad day to come to the humble realisation that how damn good these pros are at what they do. Anyway, behold the hands of Mathieu van der Poel, the first man since Fabian Cancellara in 2013 to do the Tour of Flanders-Paris-Roubaix double, first man since Peter Sagan in 2018 and only the sixth in history to do so in the rainbow jersey, first man since Tom Boonen in 2009 to defend his Paris-Roubaix title, thanks to a flying 60km solo attack on the brutal cobbles — the joint longest in the history of the competition, all in the fastest Roubaix ever ridden, at an average pace of 47.8kmph.

Now that's what I call crazy.

While we are doing stats, credit to Alpecin-Deceuninck for a flawless performance, doing everything right and securing back-to-back one-two finishes at Hell of the North, and also becoming the first team in the history of cycling — yes, you read that right, the first team ever to win Milan-San Remo, Tour of Flanders, and Paris-Roubaix in the same year — all for a budget of €16 million!

I knew that double-denim kit was special...

2024 Paris Roubaix podium (Zac Williams/SWpix.com)

2024 Paris-Roubaix podium (Zac Williams/SWpix.com)

08 April 2024, 14:55
“They’re so reliant on cyclists spending money here”: Cyclists back Camden Cycle Campaign as group responds to accusations of “selfishness” after backlash over bikes allegedly taking up space outside cafe

Cyclists have defended Camden Cycle Campaign after an image posted on Twitter by the group showing cyclists sitting inside a cafe as their bikes lay around the tables outside led to a wide range of accusations and criticism online.

A London cyclist, commenting under road.cc's Twitter post, wrote: “Let me be clear. My bike was there. This was 9-10am after Saturday laps before any brunch or lunch rush. Many were sitting outside, and not in the pic and, with the outside bikes as people inside ordered.”

Rory McCarron, cycling lawyer at Leigh Day Solicitors added: “The comments to this are hilarious. I used to go to this cafe regularly post ride during the week. It opens at 8am and there are no punters other than cyclists for the first hour or so. They’re so reliant on cyclists spending money here you even get a cyclist discount.”

Meanwhile Matty said: “I’m sure if anyone wanted a seat on the benches, they’d quite happily have moved the bikes. Given no cycle stands or anywhere else to put them safely, where do people expect them to go?”

Camden Cycling Campaign responded to road.cc's request for comment, with the group’s co-ordinator Steve saying: “There was a lot of hate and bile on X as a result of my post with the hashtag #LondonLovesCycling. I suspect there is co-ordinated 'anti' campaign in response to the LCC London Loves Cycling campaign. 

“Camden Cycle Campaign does not want to engage in the so called Culture Wars. I did not reply to any of the haters but for the record there were many other tables (out of shot) that were free should anyone have been looking for a seat outside. 

“London really does love cycling - let's spread the love!”

08 April 2024, 13:38
Lotte Kopecky, 2024 Paris-Roubaix Femmes (Zac Williams/SWpix.com)
Is there anything she can't do? Lotte Kopecky turns into her own mechanic en route to Paris-Roubaix win

Not only did Lotte Kopecky become the first person to win the Paris-Roubaix with the rainbow stripes this weekend (eat your heart out MvdP), but she also turned into her own mechanic, angrily gesturing at the team car before grabbing an allen key from one of the staff hanging out of the window, and then tightening the bolts on her stem which seemed to have dropped down a bit while coping with the treacherous cobbles.

Now that's what I call a proper throwback to Peter Sagan at the 2018 Roubaix. Don the world champions' jersey, fix your handlebars, and then go on to win the Hell of the North.

"Impressive stuff from the world champion," noted the commentators. I concur, very, very impressive stuff indeed!

08 April 2024, 12:55
Will this AI-designed, cheese-inspired 'sit device' confine bike saddles to history? Swiss inventors claim wide and weird creation eliminates rear discomfort
Mornera sit device AI-generated 'bike-board' saddle (Mornera)

The DAIMON 'bike-board' - of which one variation is fittingly dubbed the Emmental - is said to do wonders for your pelvic region, with its creators even boasting that you won't need to use padded shorts any more.

> Will this AI-designed, cheese-inspired 'sit device' confine bike saddles to history? Swiss inventors claim wide and weird creation eliminates rear discomfort

08 April 2024, 12:42
Camden Cyclists gets accused of “selfishness” and “entitlement” after picture shows cyclists sitting inside cafe, but bikes left around tables outside

We all know that Twitter is a weird echo chamber and it doesn’t take too long for trolls and critics to pile up on something — anything. But there’s a fair share of negative reaction coming all the way of Camden Cyclists, who shared an image of cyclists presumably enjoying some cake and coffee as their bikes lay around the tables outside the cafe, with the caption “Regents Park socialising”.

“So a seat for the cyclists inside. And a seat for the cycles outside. But no seats left for anyone else,” wrote one Twitter user, while another said: “Why would you post an image which will piss off non-cyclists even more than you probably do already?”.

There were heaps and piles of other people repeating the same thing, showing concern for all the other customers (not pictured) who would be floundering to find a table to sit.

However, one cyclist replied under the post: “They met at Sunday morning at 7am. Rode for an hour and then had a coffee, giving the Inner Circle Cafe early morning business two hours before anybody else got there.”

road.cc has contacted Camden Cyclists requesting a comment, but I’m interested to know how you all feel about this… Feel free to comment below!

08 April 2024, 12:15
I've seen it all now... Presenting a "through the frame" drone shot

Well that doesn't seem very prudent, does it?

Video creator Sebastian Schieren wrote that it took him a lot of attempts and that he broke two drones, but I'm more interested in knowing how did the cyclist's knee fare through all this...

08 April 2024, 11:42
Latest (in)famous person to reveal themselves as a cyclist: Former Post Office CEO Paula Vennells
 

In an earth-shattering piece of information that’s probably never going to come in handy, we can reveal that Paula Vennells, the former CEO of Post Office during the final three years of the British Post Office scandal which led to almost a thousand posties being wrongly convicted of fraud, is a… cyclist.

Well that’s going to give the rabid folks on social media some lovely ammunition to come at cyclists.

Publicly seen for the first time since it was revealed by Channel 4 that the Post Office management knew of the remote access issues to its Horizon system for several years before the prosecutions were paused, Channel 4 got to Vennells in a clip posted on social media this morning and asked her if she misled the Parliament, as she carried her Specialized bike (bonus points to any reader for figuring out which model, we think it’s the discontinued women-specific Dolce or a Tarmac or Allez) through, wearing a Bianchi lid and an Endura hi-vis jacket.

And the impact can already be seen, with one of our live-blog experts in anti-cycling bingo (no, not Clarkson), the former GB News producer Charlotte Gill, not skipping a beat to fire shots at someone for using a cycle. Lest we remind her of the age-old road.cc tenet: “Not everyone who cycles is a saint.” Certainly holds true in this case.

08 April 2024, 11:12
Paris-Roubaix spectator who threw cap at Mathieu van der Poel's bike will face "action", riders' union promises
Mathieu van der Poel cap incident at Paris-Roubaix 2024 (Eurosport/Discovery+)

The bizarre incident was caught on camera and widely condemned following the Dutchman's second consecutive victory at the cobbled classic, TV pundit Adam Blythe warning it could have "ended his season"...

> Paris-Roubaix spectator who threw cap at Mathieu van der Poel's bike will face "action", riders' union promises

08 April 2024, 09:36
road.cc at Paris Roubaix! Here's some images from the fastest-ever Hell of the North

While we all were watching Mathieu van der Poel do Mathieu van der Poel things in disbelief at the screen, your second, or maybe third-favourite live blogger was working away to bring you all the live news from the Hell of the North. Yes, our own Ryan Mallon was at Paris-Roubaix, getting up close with the 32mm tyres, monster 62-tooth chainrings, sticky bottles, crazy chicanes, the mighty cobbles, and a fair few bloodied hands (while obviously having the time of his life!).

So in case you missed it, here's the craic from yesterday's race (plus more pictures too!). First up, is the Carrefour de l'Arbre, the last chance of glory and a powerful attack on the cobbles usually. Not this time around though, as Van der Poel had the win in his bag by the time he blew past this section of the pavé.

Grenke-Auto Eder’s Patrick Casey showing Jeremy Clarkson how it's done on the cobbles.

Misery befalls the younger Tarling sibling too, a not-so-pleasant meeting with the cobbles in the junior race for TT ace Finlay, as his brother, Josh was DQ'd for a sticky bottle.

And how could we not give you a close-up picture of the dreaded pavé?

Paris Roubaix cobbles (image: Ryan Mallon)

Some more pictures (you can thank Ryan later)...

2024 Paris Roubaix Movistar rider (image: Ryan Mallon)
Roubaix velodrome 2 (image: Ryan Mallon)
Roubaix velodrome (image: Ryan Mallon)

 

Adwitiya joined road.cc in 2023 as a news writer after graduating with a masters in journalism from Cardiff University. His dissertation focused on active travel, which soon threw him into the deep end of covering everything related to the two-wheeled tool, and now cycling is as big a part of his life as guitars and football. He has previously covered local and national politics for Voice Wales, and also likes to writes about science, tech and the environment, if he can find the time. Living right next to the Taff trail in the Welsh capital, you can find him trying to tackle the brutal climbs in the valleys.

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58 comments

Avatar
stonojnr | 8 months ago
0 likes

Im impressed for a park becoming notorious for early morning bike thefts, no-one was doing the Im glued to my bike, it does not leave my side, thing at the cafe stop.

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LordSandwich | 8 months ago
7 likes

I think Clarkson is right. Knitting while driving would be incredibly dangerous!

I'm practically addicted to my phone, and yet I somehow manage to not touch it while driving. If I can refrain from it, what's everybody elses' excuse?

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mctrials23 replied to LordSandwich | 8 months ago
3 likes

The general excuse would be that I almost certainly won't get caught and I want to. Same reason for almost all of the intentionally bad/dangerous driving on our roads.

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Owd Big 'Ead | 8 months ago
9 likes

Hmm.....
Professional wanker, Clarkson calls Cycling Mikey a snitch?
Amazing how some people get paid loads for being utter morons.
Perhaps he ought to stop talking out of his arse so much, it might hurt less.

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john_smith replied to Owd Big 'Ead | 8 months ago
2 likes

If people ignored him, he would be the nothing he deserves to be, just like several others of his ilk. But people enjoy being outraged, it seems.

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hawkinspeter | 8 months ago
12 likes

Motonormativity (as demonstrated by Clarkson) often gets things back-to-front. Mikey isn't being sneaky as he makes no attempt to hide himself or what he's doing, but instead it's the drivers trying to sneakily use their phone by keeping it out of sight.

 

sneaky /ˈsniːki/  adjective

  1. behaving in a secret and usually dishonest manner
  2. done in a secret and dishonest manner

Ironically, Mikey gets some drivers angry because he doesn't act sneakily and instead confronts drivers with their illegal behaviour

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john_smith replied to hawkinspeter | 8 months ago
1 like

What has that got to do with "motornormativity"? People who use their phones when they shouldn't are individuals, as is this Clarkson bloke. It's a bit unreasonable to tar all motorists with the same brush as them just because they happen to use a certain mode of transport.

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chrisonabike replied to john_smith | 8 months ago
3 likes

john_smith wrote:

What has that got to do with "motornormativity"? People who use their phones when they shouldn't are individuals, as is this Clarkson bloke. It's a bit unreasonable to tar all motorists with the same brush as them just because they happen to use a certain mode of transport.

But according to the Life Of Brian everyone says they're an individual (in unison)?  According to some perspectives every single action is individual and unique ... but perhaps if we analyse the patterns we can see some patterns, relationships?

Perhaps Dr. Ian Walker's got something on this one?  (I wasn't a big fan of him dressing up in a wig to prove a point, but then we all have our blind spots...)

Paper here: https://osf.io/preprints/psyarxiv/egnmj

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mctrials23 replied to john_smith | 8 months ago
2 likes

Humans are herd animals and a huge amount of our behaviour is dependent on what society deems normal and acceptable. Motonormativity is just giving this behaviour a name when it comes to peoples behaviour when driving. If you think about how little attention and gravity we put on driving a 2 tonne lump of metal at speed that should give you an idea of something which is utterly bizarre if looked at from the outside. 

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chrisonabike replied to mctrials23 | 8 months ago
0 likes

I think they were getting at whether this was explanatory or just expressing a prejudice.  Sort of how is it different from saying all/most cyclists run red lights ("because they never get punished" / "because they're entitled types" - cyclist impunity as it were)?

I think it's fair to ask for numbers and look at possible feedback loops as well as attitudes.

Because "humans" motivated reasoning and stereotyping are always here - consider:

Observation: I saw a cyclist ignore a red light...

Increased salience / reinforcement: ... and then I saw this newspaper article about cyclist vigilantes with cameras...
Emotional trigger / motivated reasoning / self-fulfilling: ... so the next time I saw one riding in the middle of the road I was angry as they were obviously trying to block me to prove a point.  So I beeped and waved at them to move to the side.  And of course I got a mouthful of abuse!

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chrisonabike replied to hawkinspeter | 8 months ago
2 likes

Standard- we all know we're right / justified / have the best idea - that's axiomic.  And if someone else is opposing that at best they're woefully mistaken - but probably they're being duplicitous / trolling / self-serving / entitled.

Then all you need to do is run the logic starting from those axioms. "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth".

You can then find that e.g. cyclists reporting illegal activity are vigilantes / infringing people's rights.  You can also find that cycling infra causes pollution, cyclists aren't paying for the infra etc.  Just what are "cyclists" moaning about and why should they get special treatment (e.g. their own costly infra)?  Normal people don't make a fuss and are happy to share the roads with everyone else - we all have to drive after all.

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Hirsute | 8 months ago
4 likes

CyclingMikey writes today after court

"He was found guilty (not represented), his argument was that he was using his phone only when stationary. In lane 2 and 3 of the A40?"

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mitsky | 8 months ago
0 likes

With regards to the incident of assault on Katie Good...

"A suspect was arrested on 8 September 2023 in connection with the incident and remains on bail pending further investigation."
It would be usefull to state that the bailed suspect is not the person in the picture and what their connection might be to the one being sought.
Also would be good to know where that pic is from.
And surely they can name the individual in the pic.

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mitsky | 8 months ago
11 likes

As CyclingMikey himself often says: it is extremely unlikely that a driver ONLY uses their phone when stationary and many of His clips see Him first notice the offending driver using the phone whilst moving. The driver then proceeds to lie and say they were only using it while in the queue of traffic.

Would JC, who almost certainly has CCTV security on his property (ies?), not submit any footage to the police of criminals in his area...?

And am I right in thinking that if JC was cycling on cobblestones and found it uncomforable (presumably straight away), why did he continue to the point of almost "injuring" himself?
Masochism?

Avatar
stonojnr | 8 months ago
4 likes

Are you sure he didn't use AI? just odd Clarkson cites the "even turns up at court"bit again, even though Clarkson should be smart enough to know, it's not a choice if you want a case to proceed.

Also saw Ashley Neal had another video out reacting to Mikey's perfectly normal cycling.

Still as they say all publicity is good publicity, I'm sure the hat in a Porsche Panamera who overtook me very slowly, seemingly annoyed I was taking prime through some pinch points was checking if I had a camera before doing anything foolish.

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Rendel Harris | 8 months ago
6 likes

In case any readers in the Kent area happen to recognise this person who (allegedly) pushed a lone woman off her bike in Edenbridge last July, the police would like to hear from you...

https://www.kent.police.uk/news/kent/latest/appeals/appeal-following-ass...

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Surreyrider replied to Rendel Harris | 8 months ago
9 likes

Sssshhh. Don't tell Clarkson - he doesn't like "sneaks".

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dubwise | 8 months ago
9 likes

Nothing on the women's race, why?

Is women's cycling not worth bothering about? T'was a better race.

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john_smith replied to dubwise | 8 months ago
0 likes

Was there a women's race?

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Mybike replied to john_smith | 8 months ago
1 like

Yes on Saturday

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ktache replied to dubwise | 8 months ago
0 likes

It was mentioned, but after your post, Lotto Kopeky won, in the rainbow, on a sprint, Pfeiffer Georgi pipped THE Marianne Vos on the line for third. Apologies for any misspellings. Little more exciting in the final than the domination in the men's.
Quest had EuroSport highlights on at 11, both days.
With Quest showing later highlights and ITV4's coverage there is quite a bit of cycling on Freeview.

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OldRidgeback | 8 months ago
5 likes

Jeremy Clarkson makes  a healthy living out of being an obnoxious, ignorant boor. If only he could be bothered to do some reesearch, but it's too much like hard work.

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eburtthebike replied to OldRidgeback | 8 months ago
2 likes

He does do research: on how much he can bank for being a broken anus.

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ubercurmudgeon | 8 months ago
15 likes

Using a phone in a car that's not moving is as dangerous as sitting behind the wheel of parked car while over the alcohol limit with the keys in the ignition. They're both illegal because the law legitimately presumes that drunks and mobile phone addicts lack the self control to stop before their actions become potentially deadly. Of course, Clarkson knows this. He's not stupid. But his livelihood depends on providing specious arguments to selfish, reactionary idiots. Which, sadly, is not illegal.

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Slartibartfast replied to ubercurmudgeon | 8 months ago
2 likes

It's not the same though, is it? You can see the people on their phones at lights and they often miss the green signal so then have to accelerate quickly. Do you think they're doing this with the care someone usually would?

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ChurchillR replied to ubercurmudgeon | 8 months ago
6 likes

Exactly - anyone who's started a phone call (or worse, is texting) while traffic is stationary is not going to hang up instantly when it starts moving again. And that's what the article should have said, instead of ducking the point and straw-manning Clarkson with irrelevant research about loss of speed and position control. Doing that loses the argument to the idiots who rationalise their deliberate disregard of any motoring law that inconveniences them.

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Car Delenda Est replied to ChurchillR | 8 months ago
8 likes

I've lost count of the amount of times I've seen a phone user start accelerating at the sound of a car horn, only to realise the light is still red and the horn was for someone else

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Surreyrider replied to ubercurmudgeon | 8 months ago
2 likes

And I'd estimate that up to 1 in 3 people in traffic queues in Surrey are on their mobiles - they don't see it as being illegal.

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eburtthebike replied to Surreyrider | 8 months ago
1 like

Surreyrider wrote:

And I'd estimate that up to 1 in 3 people in traffic queues in Surrey are on their mobiles - they don't see it as being illegal.

Well, perhaps you should ignore the broken anus, and follow the example of CyclingMikey?

Avatar
mattw | 8 months ago
4 likes

Clarkson's anus is broken because he has his fat head stuffed up there, smelling his own performative BS.

Ignore !

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