We asked AI to write us an anti-cyclist article in the style of Jeremy Clarkson: Here's what it came up with

Using AI to write Clarkson-like content would save a lot of dosh for whatever media outlets are paying that old fart money for words.

What you have to remember about Clarkson is that not even he believes the things he writes and says.  He often bangs on about how cars are more fun with less of the tech driving assistance available, but openly admits that the only time he ever turns traction control off in a car is when he is driving past a camera on a shoot. He has derided environmental arguments for years (and still does), but has done many projects on his land aimed at preserving and helping nature.  He now rides a bike. Sometimes. 

He largely abandoned actual journalism, to be an entertainer, some years ago.  He writes for an audience, and is quite clever about how he does it.  Notably the anti-cyclist article was in the Sun and not the Times, for whom he also writes.  I doubt that The Times would run it, or that he would even bother submitting it to The Times.  I am not saying that it is harmless by any means, and it is an indictment on the Sun's editorial policies (if they have any), but criticising Clarkson is largely pointless. He knows it is tosh, but that is what they pay him for. Perhaps that is the point of this article, but Clarkson's will be better and more entertainingly written, regardless of the subject matter. 

Bonus that the AI is prettier.

Shit, I thought that was the real thing.

That was disappointingly bad, perhaps in a few more years AI will be able to trick the average human.

Speaking of AI, I'm wondering just how many of those anti-cycling fb et al comments are from real people?

Computer! Write anti-Jeremy Clarkson article with reference to bicycles...

"It's disheartening to see people like Jeremy Clarkson, who promote a culture of reckless driving and gas-guzzling vehicles, completely disregarding the potential benefits of cycling. Rather than encouraging individuals to make environmentally conscious choices, he perpetuates a dangerous and outdated notion that cars are the only viable mode of transportation.

Moreover, Clarkson's disdain for cyclists is unacceptable. It's not only insensitive, but it also perpetuates a dangerous culture of animosity between motorists and cyclists. As someone with a significant following, he has a responsibility to promote safety and respect on the road, not to propagate hatred towards those who choose to cycle.

It's high time that we prioritize the health of our planet and ourselves, and embrace sustainable modes of transportation like bicycles. We should encourage and celebrate those who choose to cycle, rather than deriding them as a nuisance on the road. The future of our planet and our collective well-being depend on it."

Well, saved me doing it.

Jeremy Clarkson is an anti cyclist pig. He is rude,arrogant and ignorant to the core! As a cyclist myself, I have every right to be on the road as anyone else. Anyone who says that I don't pay Road tax , nor do they. It doesn't exist. It is called vehicle tax. Anyone who says that I don't pay insurance, yes I do. It is included in my household account. Yes, people cycle along pavements. Yes, people cycle at night without lights, but I don't. And have seen drivers do the same. Hi vis clothing keeps me safe, as do the lights that I use, not just on my bikes, but also on my head. I am also careful enough to use a helmet, which by doing so, has kept me safe and alive. So, Jeremy Clarkson, do the world a favour and shut up! 

So if AI Chatbots use internet posted text to generate their responses, surely these posts are just making things worse!

Can we please start generating Chatbot responses on why cycling is good??!!

Those Chat Bots are going to put a lot of journalists out of work.

Reach Media published their first AI generated articles recently.

One happened to be about Newport which I know fairly well. It's pretty much indistinguishable from similar articles written by humans.

https://www.inyourarea.co.uk/news/seven-things-to-do-in-newport/

Just out of curiosity to those who have been playing with ChatGPT. Do the responses include references to authoritative articles or does it just* reproduce a mash up of opinion from related postings that it has access to?

*Quite impressive though that is.

I've never read anything written by Clarkson and have no eperience with chatgtp or its ilk but the style resembles a writing effort by a 13 year old who has trouble gathering their thoughts and pouring them into a coherent sentence.  

From the other comments I gather that accurately emulates Clarkson....

Really uncanny. This does mean that AI has huge amounts of hate to train on. Which is a worry. The only thing it didn't do, which JC would have done, was include an entirely fictional anecdote about bossy transgender cyclists at his cafe and an off topic mention of a female celebrity's tight clothing.

D-

Great, you've trained the proto-Skynet so that, when it does inevitably try to take over, it'll send the HKs after us cyclists first. Super idea. Thanks a lot.

are we sure it didnt just copy one he wrote before

thing is how clever is it ? if you ask it to write one in the style of Richard Littlejohn, Matthew Paris or that guy off TalkRadio, do you get basically the same article ?

It's good but far too balanced. No anti-cyclist article has ever noted that hi viz, a helmet and a light will help against an SUV which hits you at 60 mph. 

I've got access to Google's competitor, "Bard", here's some of its attempts to the request to "Write an opinion piece in the style of Jeremy Clarkson on cyclists.":

1.

"I'm a man of many talents. I can drive a car, fly a plane, and even build a house. But there's one thing I can't do, and that's cycle.

I've tried, I really have. But I just can't seem to get the hang of it. I always seem to end up falling off, or getting hit by a car.

And that's why I hate cyclists.

They're always in the way, and they never seem to follow the rules of the road. They cycle on the pavement, they don't wear helmets, and they don't even have lights on their bikes at night.

And the worst part is, they think they're better than everyone else. They think they're saving the planet, and that they're doing the world a favor by cycling.

But they're not. They're just making life more difficult for everyone else.

So next time you see a cyclist, just remember, they're not doing you any favors. They're just making life more difficult for everyone else.

And that's why I hate cyclists."

2. "Cyclists. They're everywhere. And they're all a bunch of sanctimonious, self-righteous, holier-than-thou pricks.

I mean, seriously. They ride around on their little bikes, wearing their stupid Lycra outfits, and they think they're better than everyone else. They think they're saving the planet, when in reality they're just making it worse.

First of all, cycling is not good for the environment. The production of bicycles requires the use of a lot of energy and resources, and the manufacturing process also releases a lot of pollution. And then, when you factor in the fact that most cyclists use cars to get to the places where they can cycle, the whole thing becomes a complete waste of time.

But that's not all. Cyclists are also a danger to themselves and to others. They ride on the roads, but they don't follow the rules of the road. They don't signal when they're turning, they don't stop at red lights, and they don't even wear helmets. And then, when they get into an accident, they're the first ones to sue the driver of the car.

So, if you're a cyclist, I have one thing to say to you: Get off the road and get a life. You're a danger to yourself and to others, and you're making the world a worse place.

And if you're not a cyclist, then I have one thing to say to you: Be careful when you're driving. These people are everywhere, and they're all crazy."

3."I'm Jeremy Clarkson, and I hate cyclists.

Not just the ones who ride on the pavement, or the ones who don't wear helmets, or the ones who jump red lights. I hate all of them.

They're a menace to society. They clog up the roads, they pollute the air, and they're always getting in the way.

And they're not even good for the environment. The production of bicycles requires the use of oil and other resources, and the manufacture of bike tyres and tubes is a major source of pollution.

So there you have it. Cyclists are bad for the environment, they're bad for society, and they're just plain annoying.

If you're a cyclist, please do us all a favour and give it up. Get a car, or take the bus. Or just walk.

But whatever you do, don't cycle. It's bad for everyone.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm just a grumpy old man who hates anything that's different.

But I'm not. I'm a rational, intelligent person who has come to the conclusion that cyclists are a menace to society.

I've seen the evidence. I've seen the cyclists who ride on the pavement, who don't wear helmets, and who jump red lights.

I've seen the damage they do to the roads, the pollution they cause, and the inconvenience they cause to everyone else."

I think it's safe to say that Clarkson's views on cycling are entirely predictable. The claim that he can't ride a bike was false though.