Commuter diaries – bikes in B & Q – aaaagggggghhhhhhh!

Bloody 15-mile-an-hour cycle limits why can't we drivers in central London get to go 15mph it's not fair? Next thing the cabbies will be demanding 5mph limits (it's on the meter mate)...

I say potato, you say potato ... let's call the whole thing off. Perhaps we could all agree to simply abide by (Catholic) church law ... and that able-bodied folks need all the extra motors like a capybara needs a bicycle? (Alas that won't do, any more than pointing out that nobody "needed" AI but a handful of years ago... or indeed mass market cars in the late 1800s.)

@Nigel Garage So they're locking me into my locale...by only allowing me to ride fifteen miles away from my home in an hour, a time and a speed that from my inner London abode can put me into any of London's thirty-two boroughs, the City of London and five adjoining counties. I'm not feeling that claustrophobic, to be honest.

Mötorheadlamp's "The Ace of Clubdiamondspades" is a seminal piece of AI crock music...

@lesterama Wait a minute... I found some of those- on my bike! The Lib Dems are tracking me too! I'm worried now that they'll know when I've been bungie-jumping or on a waterside... Fortunately since the air won't stay in either of my tyres since I removed the tracking devices they'll think I never leave home now...

@ROOTminus1 So you are saying an American EAPC (20mph cut off) is not an electrically assisted pedal cycle; illegal in the UK, I grant you. It is not capable of movement without physical input from the rider, so logically hardly counts as a motorbike. However, these semantics do not affect the illegality of the machine. The original question was classification of the machine for analysis.

You're working for them! My comments were tongue in cheek, but my home city has lost its speedway track, showground, its only public indoor swimming pool, public all weather football pitches, a huge public playing field and it's athletics track is under threat. Lots of supermarkets and fast food takeaways have been gained. Work/life balance is being eroded. I do worry about what life in the UK will be like in say 50 years time.

@Rendel Harris I wouldn’t worry too much about that, a family member once said I looked like a circus bear when riding my Brompton.

I can ride no hands and once rode three kilometres from Parliament Square to Blackfriars Bridge without touching the bars just to prove I could to a certain doubting spouse, but apart from vainly posing for pictures like this one (for the benefit of a certain PBU who's seen fit previously to compare me to an elephant on a unicycle yes, it's a small bike (I ride everything from 54 to 58) and yes my BMI is 26.5) I don't bother. I'm never on a ride when it's necessary and it's always safer just to stop for a few seconds to take jackets etc on and off.

I've gone the other way. I could never really wheelie or bunnyhop properly, but I was idiotically proud (still am, obvs) of my ability to casually roll a cigarette riding no-hands whilst filtering Fleet Street traffic during a brief bike-courier era of my life. I opened a cereal bar the other day while riding gently downhill along a wide, empty, country road, and nearly crapped myself with fear. The thought of trying to get a jacket on or off - with this shoulder! - I couldn't countenance. Luckily I don't smoke any more.