How’s your day going? Probably better than the guy who cycled through wet paint (+ worst things we’ve ridden through); Northern Irish police or Team Sky?; Toon Aerts’ pre-World Champs’ test positive for breast cancer drug + more on the live blog
SUMMARY
How's your morning going? Probably better than the guy who cycled through wet paint
It’s a mild Wednesday morning. I reckon more than a few of you deserving winter commuters got caught out by the balmy February temperatures and found yourselves scrambling to remove layers at the lights.
You know what they always say though…better to have layers to remove, than layers covered in paint…(I am aware nobody has ever said that in the entire history of the English language, please don’t leave too may angry comments)…
Idiot cyclist rides through wet paint, thinking it was dry. pic.twitter.com/keCCscIv9n
— Monsieur_Growl (@growl3d) February 15, 2022
That’s one way to give your shoes that box-fresh glossy shine back…
Maybe someone has been out painting bike lanes again? Although, now I think about it, don’t ask me why they would be painting them black…(EDIT: I’ve woken up enough to realise the paint is the flaky white spots…told you I hadn’t done a blog for a while).
Amusingly, when the Old Shoreham Road lane was removed last year, it quickly reappeared thanks to the handiwork of a mysterious infra vigilante.
The makeshift markings were painted where the lane used to be, and rattled good old Cllr Dawn Barnett, who furiously told local press the lines needed to be removed and those responsible prosecuted.
“Wait a second,” one Twitter user said…”Can you confirm or deny if this furious councillor, is the same furious councillor who threatened to paint out the cycle lanes on Old Shoreham Road.”
Can you confirm or deny if this furious councillor, is the same furious councillor who threatened to paint out the cycle lanes on Old Shoreham Road?https://t.co/T0JawIH4Mh
— Adam Bronkhorst (@AdamBronkhorst) November 5, 2021
Wonderful.
To bring it back to the poor lad who did ride through paint (and to channel my inner Partridge)…what’s the worst thing you’ve ridden through? Paint? Leaking sewage? *insert poorly infrastructured town*? A puddle you didn’t think was that deep? Worse?
I can’t imagine Dulux does much for your drivetrain…
Dave Bails-ford's Team Sky or Northern Irish police? New uniform gives us flashbacks to mountain trains and Froome dominating the Tour
Watching the NI version of Crimewatch and I’m sorry but the new PSNI uniform is a threat to the Peace Process. Sports Casual/Team Sky cycling jersey/Irish League referee. pic.twitter.com/iIaoRgYQVd
— James Greer (@jimtgreer) February 15, 2022
It appears the Police Service of Northern Ireland is adopting the marginal gains philosophy in the fight against crime…wearing a very Team Skyesque mid-10s black aero outfit…no Rapha or Castelli here, unfortunately…
Luke Rowe would make a decent bobby, I reckon…
At least the PSNI is maximising its aero potential, look at the state of their counterparts at the Garda’s uniform…
Oh dear. Like bad Uruguay training gear.
— James Greer (@jimtgreer) February 15, 2022
What's the worst thing you've ridden through?
What’s the worst thing (you’ve ridden through)? That’s what, in full Partridge style, I’m asking this morning…inspired by the poor cyclist who rode through white paint…RIP black kit.
I mean, I did set myself up for this one…
What’s the worst thing you’ve ridden through, road.cc reader ‘the little onion’? “Keighley”. Right. Fair enough. Never been, I’ll take your word for it…Rendell Harris was thinking along the same lines, but gave a ‘shout-out’ to the Kent town of Erith…
OldRidgeback is still scarred from their pungent problem…
“As a kid out for a ride on my shiny new Puch many years ago I was so enjoying my cycle ride that I didn’t notice the sticky wet dog mess on the ground. Luckily the mudguards stopped this from being sprayed all over my back but I did have to clean it off the brakes later on. And I didn’t have access to a jet washer. That was a learning experience.”
Shake said: “Cycled through wet tar, that stuff did not want to come off my bike.”
SimoninSpalding has gone for “airborne, fermenting rabbit entrails”. There’s four words you never thought you’d read…”Afternoon of day two, riding the Way of the Roses, this fen-dwelling boy was thoroughly enjoying riding along the Vale of York (level ground at last!) when a long deceased lagomorph on the other side of the road was driven over by a car causing the rotten innards to be ejected across the road and sprayed up my legs and all over my bike.
“The only bright spot was that I smelt so bad that my riding companions insisted I sat at the back of the group so that they didn’t have to smell me. The landlord of the guest house we stayed at that night gave me a bit of a look when I walked in though.”
That’s a story and a half…
Sixth place Toon Aerts' pre-World Champs' test positive for breast cancer drug
Belgian cyclocross racer Toon Aerts has tested positive for a banned breast cancer drug during an out-of-competition test taken ten days before last month’s cyclocross world championships.
> History maker Tom Pidcock solos to rainbow jersey at cyclocross worlds
The news was revealed by Aerts’ team, saying their rider tested positive for a banned substance on January 19. Aerts told Belgian outlet Sporza that he will do “everything I can to prove my innocence and clear my name”.
Aerts tested positive for breast cancer drug Letrozole, his B-sample will now be tested, but the positive came ten days before he finished sixth at the UCI cyclocross world championships in Arkansas.
If the test result stands Aerts will be stripped of his sixth place, as well as several wins and notable results from the winter’s racing.
“Yesterday my world turned upside down,” Aerts said. “I received a letter from the UCI that no athlete wants to receive in his career. I was informed that an abnormal result was found in my urine sample, which was taken during an out-of-competition check at my home on January 19th.
“I am currently in the dark as to how this could have come about. The product ‘Letrozole Metabolite’ was found in my urine sample. A product that I had never heard of until yesterday and do not know how it got into my body.”
Letrozole is used to block estrogen in the treatment of breast cancer, but also has performance-enhancing properties if an athlete wants to boost testosterone production by preventing breakdown.
“Anyone who knows me a little knows that I have been against any form of doping all my career and have always done everything I can to set an example as an athlete,” Aerts said.
“I will therefore do everything I can to prove my innocence and clear my name. Pending the analysis of the B sample and further investigations, I will not comment. I would urge everyone to respect this and to give me and my family the time and opportunity to get more clarity first.”
But cyclists...NSFW edition + Jesus wouldn't have parked like a bellend
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the single greatest headline the internet has ever seen…
The drivers are it again…. 🤔#Driverbehaviour#Greatestthreatofharm https://t.co/m2L7ivbwOp
— Mark Hodson (@markandcharlie) February 15, 2022
Unbelievably, it’s not even the best thing I’ve seen this morning…
— No Context Brits (@NoContextBrits) February 16, 2022
A Near Miss of the Day throwback
A road.cc reader got in touch with some strong detective work linking some of their own footage to a previous edition of Near Miss of the Day. NMotD 630 involved a punishment pass driver beeping a cyclist multiple times before driving through close to make a point. Gloucestershire Constabulary concluded their wasn’t enough evidence for any action to be taken.
“The driver could have given you more room but you have not had to take any avoiding action. We can speculate about why the driver beeped their horn at you but they have made you aware of their presence and waited until the incoming traffic had cleared before they overtook,” the reply stated.
This is where today’s clip comes in…
The road.cc reader told us: “Turns out approximately a month after that article [NMotD 630] was published, I came across the same vehicle also beeping at me and telling me to get in the cycle lane whilst waiting in a queue of traffic. This was again in Cheltenham and the vehicle still had no MOT (22/09/21).
“There were three cars ahead in the queue but the front vehicle was positioned to the left of the lane blocking access to the filter box – but of course (as like the previous article), the driver knows better!”
New clubhouse leader for worst thing you've ridden through? A40 cycle lane on a wet day...
A40 soaking ☔🌧️💦 I don’t blame the lorries here, it’s poor design. Narrow cycle path, bad drainage when it rains. People having to walk or cycle next to what is essentially a motorway. #cyclinglife @London_Cycling @EalingCouncil @EalingCyclists @LondonCycle3 pic.twitter.com/IkDY7fPkTz
— OliverJGildea (@ReviloAedlig) February 15, 2022
CAR BACK!
“CAR BACK CAR BACK”
every group ride ever! https://t.co/3eAwCL3pQJ— Shanaan (@ssnfted) February 16, 2022
Tell me you’re a cyclist without telling me you’re a cyclist…”CAR BACK!”
> Know your group riding signals and calls
Dave Dee’s not a fan, for some unexplained reason…
Whomever dreamt up ‘car up’ and ‘car down’, I’d like to punch them up the throat.
— Dave Dee (@dodgyd) February 16, 2022
Puddles, mud, rotting badger carcasses, tubeless sealant? More of your worst things ridden through
This really is turning into a Partridge phone-in…earlier on it was “airborne, fermenting rabbit entrails”. Now we’ve got a reader who “popped a rotting badger carcass”. Let’s get it out the way before lunchtime…
HoarseMann was the unlucky rider: “I once popped a rotting badger carcass, no mudguards, got sprayed in the face. Very lucky I stayed on the bike, it was dark and there was a car coming the other way with dazzling headlights, I was going downhill at 30mph so just didn’t see it.
“I knew it was there as I’d spent the last few days timing when to hold my breath to avoid the stench when going uphill the other way. It took a few seconds for the grim realisation of what I’d just hit to take hold. I’ve had worse as a pedestrian though.”
Argos74 has the date etched in his memory: “13 September 2016, riding home through a a quarter mile of one feet deep puddle on a dual carriageway, in the dark, in biblically torrential rain with limited visibility, in rush hour. Got out of the dip in the road and the puddle eased off to only four inches deep, and still couldn’t see the kerb so had to take what I estimated was primary for three miles.
“A colleague came off the same night in a 3 foot deep puddle near Manchester Piccadilly. So there’s that.” Terrifying.
KDee commented: “I tried to ride through some very very thick mud on my mountain bike years ago. It didn’t end well, and I didn’t get a chance to unclip before I went sideways. Don’t know what was worse…the struggle of trying to get back upright (my mate could’ve helped, but he was too busy laughing), or finishing the ride looking like I’d been spliced with Swamp Thing.”
While rct has been cursing tubeless tyres ever since “sitting on the wheel of some guy riding tubeless tyres that have just punctured and the sealant gets thrown all over you and your bike.”
Any more?
Bikebook: Cycling start-up for finding your best local mechanic
Bikebook is a cycling start-up founded by two friends and passionate riders from East Sussex. It’s a website aimed at finding cyclists their best local mechanic, wherever they are located in the UK, and claims to be the “easiest, fastest, and most transparent way to have your bike serviced”.
It offers a comparison of services, reviews and prices from local mechanics, and currently has over 280 registered mechanics and has generated over 1,000 bookings.
Egan Bernal is back on the bike (kind of)
And showing off a pretty terrifying scar on his back too…
The reigning Giro d’Italia champion broke 20 bones in a horror crash while training in Colombia last month, and needed multiple rounds of surgery on his back injuries. After two weeks in intensive care, Bernal was discharged from hospital and is now recovering back at home, with the help of his many dogs…
Bernal was training with a group of his Ineos Grenadiers teammates when he crashed his Pinarello TT bike into a parked bus. The incident has led Tom Pidcock and Chris Froome to raise safety concerns about the bikes…
> Chris Froome calls for time trial bike ban in professional cycling
Talking of Pidcock, he’s back racing on the road today for the first time since his ‘cross season. Not a bad team for Ineos in Portugal…just a few of the young guns, eh?
📢 Line-up news for Algarve 📢
We’re ready for more racing! 💪@VoltAlgarve pic.twitter.com/aO9fJVzugz
— INEOS Grenadiers (@INEOSGrenadiers) February 15, 2022
For the love of God...not more cycling team music videos
The Cycling Music industry is booming. 💥🎵😅
After Astana, a new entry by 🇪🇨 Movistar-Best PC, an Ecuadorian UCI Continental Team.pic.twitter.com/6bCus2ssY4
— Benji Naesen (@BenjiNaesen) February 16, 2022
If Astana’s not-so-Gangster’s Paradise training camp video wasn’t enough to make you hate 2022, there’s another one…we’d ask which was your favourite, but at this point asking which one you hate least is probably easier…
Got £12,674.55 spare? Want to spend it ALL on a cycling holiday? One-month European epic 3,693km "Bike Across Europe"
Here at road.cc we see a lot of expensive things: bikes, wheels, kit etc. You get the picture. There are a lot of people into bikes willing to spend plenty of cash on nice things…but what about a holiday as expensive as just about any bike you could wish for?
“Bike Across Europe” billed as an “epic adventure” from Paris to Estonia via a spin down the Champs-Élysées and aperitifs under the shadow of the Arc de Triomphe, before riding Germany, Luxembourg, Czech Republic, Poland, Lithuania and Latvia.
Not your usual cycling holiday, but it does promise rolling vineyards, deep forests, medieval villages, historic cities, and runs for over a month between July 2 and August 6 2022. Let’s hope you don’t want to watch the Tour…
Thankfully the organisers had the self-awareness to miss out the “just” from their press release telling us prices start at $4,006 for eight or 15-day stages of the tour, through to $17,208 (£12,674.55) for the full thing. You could buy the most high-spec Specialized Aethos and have a grand left over for that…
Thankfully they’re not pretentious enough to market as “cycling in the footsteps of Napoleon from Paris to the Russia border”. Ah, right…scrap that…they have. Although, in fairness, part of the ‘USP’ seems to be visiting “unique historical itineraries”…so fair enough, I guess? Oh, and “quality lodging, fine gastronomy and cultural immersion”. We get it, you want to enjoy yourselves…well, I guess you would if it’s costing you…
So… anyone want to sponsor me?
For the cyclist who has everything: a 3D-printed titanium bottle opener from Silca
Purveyor of high-quality cycling parts and accessories Silca has surprised us all with its latest release: a bottle opener. 3D-printed. From titanium. In the shape of a bird of prey. Tell us that you were expecting that and we’ll call you a fibber.
You might remember that Silca introduced the 3D-printed titanium Mensola computer last year with a latticework structure to keep the weight down.
> Silca unveils £175 super-strong 3D-printed titanium computer mount
The Bird of Prey bottle opener is kind of similar… but it’s more bottle opening related.
Read our review of the Silca Mensola computer mount…
Made from 6Al/4V titanium, it weighs just 11g, and being bird of prey shaped, it’s ideal for opening bottles fast. You know, for when you’re really thirsty.
What? The price? £38. We’re saying nuffink.
Final call for the worst thing you've ridden through...
Farmers use irrigating sprayers for crops. One of these had e developed a fault and was depositing a field’s worth of water onto the 5sqM of road I needed to cycle on. Soaked to the skin with dirty ditch water. Upside, the seat next to me on the train remained free to London,
— RobbieC…🚴♂️🌊☔️🚉 (@dahontr3) February 16, 2022
Let’s start with hub-deep cow shit…because where else would we start…
“For me the worst was having to ride through hub-deep (no exaggeration!) cow shit on an MTB ride in Derbyshire many years ago. It was a route I had used several times, and the bridlepath goes through a farm yard between some cow sheds. It was often muddy or slippery with cow shit, but this time I reckon the farmer must’ve recently scraped/hosed all of the cow shit out of the sheds and deposited it in the yard. It was horrendous!” Dicklexic recalled.
Kapelmuur said: “I rode over a snake in France, it didn’t make much of a mess and it may have already been dead. I didn’t hang around to check. I guess this story doesn’t have legs.”
andystow was awarded the most middle class comment of the day award by another reader: “I didn’t ride through it, but on a multi-day gravel bikepacking trip I had a little unplanned dismount/lie down. When I got up, completely unhurt, I felt a cold wet mess on my back. The avocado in my back jersey pocket had become instant guacamole. Luckily I had a spare jersey to change into.”
Drinfinity commented: “Frogspawn. Riding through a particularly deep water filled rut on a North Yorkshire moor. My partner was having a miserable ride till then (not a fan of deep ruts), but she was much more entertained after I did the international interpretive dance for ‘my boot is full of frogspawn’”
Bawheid has all the gory details…”A weasel. Extruded through the front brake, put me on the floor. Washed off blood and bits of skin ( both) and flesh and entrails (his) in a public bog full of very wary tourists. Joy.” Chrisonatrike stole the show with the “pop went the weasel” comment…10/10.
JustTryingToGet said: “Worst thing I’ve cycled through… the River Thames. Pure stupidity on my part, I’d come down to the meadow and it had flooded, by which point I couldn’t be arsed to go back up the road. I thought I’d just take it slow as I knew where the path was. Three quarters of the way through and I thought, ‘blimey, those benches look far away’… I reckon I was centimetres from the riverbank. I’ll not pull a dickhead move like that again.”
Add Chorley and Harringey to the list too… thanks to whoever suggested those on Twitter…
rotten sheep carcass that looked like a stepping stone…
— Christian Borrman (@chrisborrman) February 16, 2022
Well, that’s an image to take you through to teatime…
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Latest Comments
Don't worry. The Gulf Stream will collapse soon enough. Then you won't have to worry about hot weather anymore.
I was going to say let’s proofread better, the article is littered with toilet humor typos but upon a closer look the name really has been anointed after solar urine
I think that Burnham has more backbone than Starmer, so I don't think there'll be any U-turns. Let's hope that he brings that determination to active travel policy, Boardman as transport minister is quite possible. He could be made a peer and appointed as a minister that way
@Sredlums my reply with a link is awaiting moderation but they are a hybrid caliper, the cable actuates a hydraulic piston.
@wtjs seems it is not just Burnham and Labour's policies that are crackpot.
Mountain bike bars have gotten much wider.
@Sredlums Quite obvious nipple ended cable, one you pointed it out...
Those don't look like vehicle stopping bollards.
Drivers seem to be using the pavement as well, perhaps there will be calls to remove this to if enough of them decide that's the place to park.🙄 https://www.facebook.com/share/1D5GaMsTkF/
@Clem Fandango Like this?
71 thoughts on “How’s your day going? Probably better than the guy who cycled through wet paint (+ worst things we’ve ridden through); Northern Irish police or Team Sky?; Toon Aerts’ pre-World Champs’ test positive for breast cancer drug + more on the live blog”
Still trying to figure out
Still trying to figure out what black paint is doing on a street floor.
I think that’s just confused
I think that’s just confused writing. The pictures appear to be white paint spatter on black shoes (and trousers). The reference to black paint seems to be related to the suggestion that it would be a way to restore the shine on your shoes, but it’s in the wrong paragraph.
Quote:
Erith.
(The late, great Linda Smith: “I’m from Erith. We’re not twinned with anyone but we do have a suicide pact with Dagenham.”)
I worked in Erith for several
I worked in Erith for several years. At least there’s a dual carrigeway to get in and out quickly.
“what’s the worst thing you
“what’s the worst thing you’ve ridden through?”
Keighley
the little onion wrote:
Not ridden through Cannock then I take it.
Cannock…. never had a
Cannock…. never had a problem with Cannock in the six years I lived there. However, Stafford….Stafford where red lights are just for decoration and where the council just love digging up roads without warning, or over and over and over agian.
Stafford is also the home to many piles (meant to put miles but “piles came out and seem to fit) of pointless “shared pavement routes” which areither too narrow or full of obstructions. Or, where “they” actually do build a decent off road path (the Stafford to Newport cycle way) and then don’t bother repairing it…ever…so now is a muddy ness only fit for the hardest of MTB riders.
The best thing about Stafford…. the train out of their (change at Crewe and you can be in Carlisle/The Lakes by half nine if you leave early).
Looks like Jeremy Vine has
Looks like Jeremy Vine has had a non-elective dismount from his penny farthing, his Channel 5 TV show is trailing pictures of him with a black eye.
Tabloid ‘news’ sites are full
Tabloid ‘news’ sites are full of it. They think it’s hilarious
Cycled through wet tar, that
Cycled through wet tar, that stuff did not want to come off my bike
As a kid out for a ride on my
As a kid out for a ride on my shiny new Puch many years ago I was so enjoying my cycle ride that I didn’t notice the sticky wet dog mess on the ground. Luckily the mudguards stopped this from being sprayed all over my back but I did have to clean it off the brakes later on. And I didn’t have access to a jet washer.
That was a learing experience.
Not ridden through, but
Not ridden through, but sitting on the wheel of some guy riding tubeless tyres that have just punctured and the sealant gets thrown all over you and your bike. 🙁
Who wants a nationwide
Who wants a nationwide network of cycling infrastructure?
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/feb/16/cycling-charity-launches-ambitious-plan-to-boost-uk-wide-path-network
Who wants it to be done by Sustrans?
Even their graphic for the
Even their graphic for the plan is barely useable, which isn’t encouraging.
Existing / planned routes are blue; ambition routes are, er, other blue…
mdavidford wrote:
Are the highly ambitious routes the ones where you have to be ambitious to try using a road bike on them?
hawkinspeter wrote:
If NCR 41 near Leamington is anything to go by, ambitious to ride on them at all.
vthejk wrote:
The UK-wide traffic and barrier-free national cycling and walking network (NCN) is designed to be suitable for “a sensible 12-year-old travelling along with climbing equipment and a group of experienced Sherpas”
hawkinspeter wrote:
The ambitious ones are where you have to be ambitious to use ANY bike on them.
It’s even more impressive
It’s even more impressive theyve written a 55 page document that says literally nothing, just has lots of pictures and things theyve learnt recently which isnt alot it seems, that’s some fine NGO work…sheesh, all they need apparently is 2.8billion pounds and 20 odd more years to deliver something.
So I guarantee a subtle name change, or logo redesign comes next.
Name contest: old version was
Name contest: old version was “Notional Cycle Network” or “National Sign Network”.
Looks like the new one will be a TFBTYOPN (Traffic Free Barrierless Twelve-Year-Old-Passable Network).
Hmm… Sustrans. They’re
Hmm… Sustrans. They’re saying much better things in recent years and certainly some of their people seem to be forward-thinking folk. Their legacy of giving the nod to rubbish for publicity is pretty concerning. I was suspicious of their chumming up to local authorities too although obviously you need to make relationships with them and no doubt Sustrans would say “shouting from the outside achieves nothing”.
…so I don’t think it’s going to be an issue either way.
A tale of maps –
A tale of maps – openstreetmap has several different views of cycling infra and they definitely don’t brook comparison across nations or even within (e.g. quality and type of segregation if any, volume of traffic, speeds, junction treatments). However it’s still instructive. UK looks great here!
…but zoom in a level – ah.
…but zoom in a level – ah.
They still get my monthly dd,
They still get my monthly dd, could be better, but without them we would have nothing.
Rode along the Thames yesterday and noticed that the start of NCN 5, from the horseshoe bridge to caversham lock has been repaired, a bit anyway, the root bumps had been smoothed and the flood damaged bits filled. But because it’s still not deep enough the roots will be back soon enough and with the recent rains and coming storms I can see tha Thames getting a bit high soon. Though smooth enough for now…
ktache wrote:
That’s what I find most alarming about Sustrans – why are we relying on a charity to be responsible for promoting active travel when we are in a climate emergency?
(Saw a post elsewhere recently that declared that the 20th century was the century of “f**k around” and we’re now in the century of “find out”)
hawkinspeter wrote:
UK standard though that? It’s part of our “freedoms” / don’t force people to pay for stuff ideology (except most things that the Government wants of course). Government sends out soldiers somewhere and they get smashed up or traumatised? The Legion have the Poppy Appeal to get cash to pick up the pieces. Social services inadequate? Charities will plug the gap. Not forgetting that the majority of care is actually delivered by relatives or friends. I think that can be right in many ways but then they get “kind words” and actual support for them comes from… charities.
I tried to ride through some
I tried to ride through some very very thick mud on my mountain bike years ago. It didn’t end well, and I didn’t get a chance to unclip before I went sideways. Don’t know what was worse…the struggle of trying to get back upright (my mate could’ve helped, but he was too busy laughing), or finishing the ride looking like I’d been spliced with Swamp Thing.
I once popped a rotting
I once popped a rotting badger carcass, no mudguards, got sprayed in the face. Very lucky I stayed on the bike, it was dark and there was a car coming the other way with dazzling headlights, I was going downhill at 30mph so just didn’t see it.
I knew it was there as I’d spent the last few days timing when to hold my breath to avoid the stench when going uphill the other way. It took a few seconds for the grim realisation of what I’d just hit to take hold.
I’ve had worse as a pedestrian though.
I dare to ask, but if no one
I dare to ask, but if no one else will, what could possibly be worse than rotting badger carcasses sprayed in the face ? It’s not a Victor Meldrew dead hedgehog as slippers style moment is it ?
I feel relatively unscathed that I’ve merely been crop sprayed a few times.
I merely mentioned it to
I merely mentioned it to retain some balance, but since you ask…
As a young child on a caravan holiday, I was walking back from the site shop eating a bag of sweets when I noticed a workman furiously plunging the elsan disposal point. Before I could think the sewer must be blocked, a rodding point cover that was immediately in front of me blew off with the pressure build-up, sending a fountain of faeces and elsan blue straight up my front and yes, over my face and hair.
Covered in this unsavoury and surpisingly viscous colloid, I ran back to our caravan, where I had to try and call for my parents help and explain what had happened without opening my mouth.
HoarseMann wrote:
A little respect please. Aunt Fanny is still sorely missed.
At least we know what happened before the funeral now I suppose. We’d all assumed it was the squirrels….
13 September 2016, riding
13 September 2016, riding home through a a quarter mile of one feet deep puddle on a dual carriageway, in the dark, in biblically torrential rain with limited visibility, in rush hour. Got out of the dip in the road and the puddle eased off to only four inches deep, and still couldn’t see the kerb so had to take what I estimated was primary for three miles.
A colleague came off the same night in a 3 foot deep puddle near Manchester Piccadilly. So there’s that.
Excellent windscreen sign;
Excellent windscreen sign; reminds one of the old story about a porter in a certain Cambridge college: “I’m sorry sir, this parking is reserved for Jesus only.”
Rendel Harris wrote:
He drives a Honda, but won’t talk about it
Jesus built my hotrod!
Jesus built my hotrod!
Not parking related but this
Not parking related but this is my favourite Jesus graffiti
markieteeee wrote:
Worst thing I’ve cycled
Worst thing I’ve cycled through… the river thames. Pure stupidity on my part, I’d come down to the meadow and it had flooded, by which point I couldn’t be arsedto go back up the road. I thought I’d just take it slow as I knew where the path was. Three quarters of the way through and I thought, ‘blimey, those benches look far away’… i reckon i was centimetres from the riverbank. I’ll not pull a dickhead move like that again.
JustTryingToGetFromAtoB wrote
I used to live right by the Thames in Oxford (Wolvercote) just before I started writing for road.cc and there are two stories stick in my mind. One, a teenager who was riding in Port Meadow when it was flooded, he went over the submerged river bank and drowned. Then there was an older guy who was riding along Godstow Road towards Wytham when it was flooded, he crashed and died in hospital.
(Picture below is about the worst I ever saw it round there).
I live in West London now and often ride along the Thames at Chiswick and Richmond. The road or path along the river is regularly underwater (spring tides can be spectacular down this way) and it amazes me how many people will risk tiding through a foot or even more of fast-moving water rather than take a longer route round.
A weasle. Extruded through
A weasle. Extruded through the front brake, put me on the floor. Washed off blood and bits of skin ( both) and flesh and entrails (his) in a public bog full of very wary tourists. Joy.
bawheid wrote:
Pop went the weasel.
Frogspawn. Riding through a
Frogspawn. Riding through a particularly deep water filled rut on a North Yorkshire moor. My partner was having a miserable ride till then (not a fan of deep ruts), but she was much more entertained after I did the international interpretive dance for “my boot is full of frogspawn “!
Or ants: same partner had
Or ants: same partner had unscheduled dismount, and whilst getting untangled realised she landed on an ants’ nest.
My wife laughs about it, but
My wife laughs about it, but I hate sitting down on grass during the summer because every single time I do so I seem to sit on an ants’ nest
brooksby wrote:
Why don’t you just choose a new spot?
Because the little sods seem
Because the little sods seem to follow me around!
The change.org petition
The change.org petition “Require people to have Bikeability level 2 to take a driving test” it can be found here https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/603615
I didn’t ride through it, but
I didn’t ride through it, but on a multi-day gravel bikepacking trip I had a little unplanned dismount/lie down. When I got up, completely unhurt, I felt a cold wet mess on my back. The avocado in my back jersey pocket had become instant guacamole. Luckily I had a spare jersey to change into.
Surely that wins the ‘most
Surely that wins the ‘most middle class comment of the day’ award!? 😉
I can’t deny that. Married
I can’t deny that. Married white male hetero cis engineer with two kids in college.
He could have robbed it. If I
He could have robbed it. If I recall there was a story on Vice by an addict where he finally got arrested and jailed for stealing some extremely middle class food. Something like “just because you’re a junkie doesn’t mean you have to be cheap – also you can afford anything when you’re not paying for it”.
Dave Dee’s not a fan, for
Dave Dee’s not a fan, for some unexplained reason…
Not sure if this was a serious comment or not, but the reason is that “car up” and “car down” are very ambiguous as to which direction the car is coming from. Car up ahead, or car coming up past the group?
“Car front” and “Car back” are much clearer. My local club uses “Nose” and “Tail” which I still find slightly odd but at least not ambiguous.
When I’m on shared paths, I
When I’m on shared paths, I’ve noticed running groups yell “bike back” in reaction to me, so I’ve started calling that out instead of “on your [left|right].
My club is ‘nose’ and ‘tail’
My club is ‘nose’ and ‘tail’ too. Nice and clear.
Sniffer wrote:
The only drawback of those codes is that on busy rides I can’t get Derek Griffiths’ awesome “Heads and Tails” out of my head.
Some members of our club use
Some members of our club use it to mean down your throat, and up your a**e.
Dave Dee’s not a fan, for some unexplained reason…
Not sure if this was a serious comment or not, but the reason is that “car up” and “car down” are very ambiguous as to which direction the car is coming from. Car up ahead, or car coming up past the group?
“Car front” and “Car back” are much clearer. My local club uses “Nose” and “Tail” which I still find slightly odd but at least not ambiguous.— OnYerBike
The Gavalier wrote:
“Watch out, something is blocking the road down ahead” said no one, ever.
Poor Toon Arts, hit by breast
Poor Toon Arts, hit by breast cancer at such a young age!
Standard bleating press release cut & paste job, it seems. I’d like to think it’s another innocent “contaminated supplement” defence but the pro cyclo-cross scene should be fully aware of that possibility after Denise Betsema’s case. It’s not as if it is difficult to get hold of stuff that has been tested.
I rode over a snake in France
I rode over a snake in France, it didn’t make much of a mess and it may have already been dead. I didn’t hang around to check.
I guess this story doesn’t have legs.
Kapelmuur wrote:
Bit creepy…
Airborne, fermenting rabbit
Airborne, fermenting rabbit entrails.
Afternoon of day 2 riding the Way of the Roses, this fen dwelling boy was thoroughly enjoying riding along the Vale of York (level ground at last!) when a long deceased lagomorph on the other side of the road was driven over by a car causing the rotten innards to be ejected across the road and sprayed up my legs and all over my bike.
The only bright spot was that I smelt so bad that my riding companions insisted I sat at the back of the group so that they didn’t have to smell me. The landlord of the guest house we stayed at that night gave me a bit of a look when I walked in though.
(No subject)
For me the worst was having
For me the worst was having to ride through hub deep (no exaggeration!) cow shit on an MTB ride in Derbyshire many years ago. It was a route I had used several times, and the bridelpath goes through a farm yard between some cow sheds. It was often muddy or slippery with cow shit, but this time I reckon the farmer must’ve recently scraped/hosed ALL of the cow shit out of the sheds and deposited it in the yard. IT WAS HORRENDOUS!
Are cycling team music videos
Are cycling team music videos a bit like those football team raps which appeared on Top of the Pops in the 80s and 90s?
How has nobody yet commented
How has nobody yet commented on that tweeted headline (presuming its not fake) about a driver being ejected from his sunroof in an embarrassing state of dress?
I think everyone’s waiting
I think everyone’s waiting for someone to take the bull by the horns then then all will flow after that. I am curious as to whether he was smiling before his demise.
As the old joke used to go
As the old joke used to go about the octogenarian millionaire who died in the arms of his twenty-something Swedish model wife, bet they had to nail the coffin lid down…
Hand on heart, it aroused my
Hand on heart, it aroused my interest – if only to know how the Bond cannon ended. Sounds like it was the revenge of Q…
It was a great comfort to the
It was a great comfort to the family that he died doing something he loved.
Looks like Monsieur_Growl is
Looks like Monsieur_Growl is rocking the ‘fully loaded’ Carbon MTB shoes from planetX that were on sale just recently. Decent pair of shoes. Not quite worth the regular asking price but a good pair for £60’ish notes.
The white paint will add a little character to them shoes!
As for the worst thing ive ridden though. I think it was a fairly fresh’ish puddle of vomit that somebody had conveniently left on the main road that had the carrots pulverised even further under the wheels of a few passing cars.
I was commuting home from work late in the evening and hadnt seen it on the road. By the time i did see it, it was already too late to avoid and i ploughed right through it.
my mudguards picked up most of it so my other garments were spared a delicious coating of it but its still absolutely f***ing disgusting.
Re NMOTD throwback.
Re NMOTD throwback.
Sorry for the late comment but I’d just like to thank the person who provided the video of the black golf still hooting at cyclists, still close passing and still driving without an MOT. I checked the internet and it looks like the car was finally MOT’d in January 2022. It can be frustrating submitting footage to Gloucestershire police.