“Why is everyone being so mean?” Mark Cavendish trolled for “dead slow” Paris Half Marathon time – but fans hit back at “armchair warriors throwing shade”; “Dirty-looking” bike lane bollards slammed; Gilbert v Vingegaard; WVA tiles + more on the live blog

Last week on the live blog, we reported on the live blog that perennial French housewives’ favourite Tommy Voeckler joined the ever-growing ranks of cyclists who can run pretty fast by completing the Paris Half Marathon in a very impressive time of 1:13.21.

That was enough to secure the former Europcar star, now manager of the French national team, fourth in his age category (which included former three-time European triathlon champion Frédéric Belaubre) and 179th overall out of 48,000 entrants.

And Tommy even topped it all off by finishing his run and rushing across to the France Télévisions studio to commentate on the opening stage of Paris-Nice.

 

 

 

 

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> Retired pro cyclist Tommy Voeckler clocks super-fast 1:13.21 at Paris half-marathon while gurning for the TV cameras – before heading off to commentate on Paris-Nice

But it turns out that gurner-in-chief Voeckler wasn’t the only retired pro cyclist running the streets of Paris last week.

Yesterday, 35-time Tour de France stage winner Sir Mark Cavendish posted a collection of snaps on Instagram from his recent stay in the French capital – the scene of four consecutive Tour victories for the Manx Missile between 2009 and 2012 – featuring a more relaxing than usual amble along the  Champs-Élysées, a trip to the Louvre, a PSG match, breakfast pastries, coffee… and a stab at the Paris Half Marathon.

Cavendish’s decision to interrupt his well-deserved retirement with some running – he said last winter he plans to spend the first spring of his retirement taking on the Paris Marathon with his brother – saw him cover the half distance in a highly respectable time of 1:57.08.

 

 

 

 

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Sure, he’s a fair bit off grand tour winner-turned-amateur running king Tom Dumoulin, who clocked a blistering half marathon time of 1:08.42 in January, but for a first go, Cav’s time was not too shabby at all.

Or so we thought. Because, along with the usual jokes about sprinting past everyone in the last 200m or needing a decent lead-out train, the grumpy running corner of the internet (who weren’t even that impressed with Dumoulin’s time, it must be said) has reacted to Cavendish’s Paris Half Marathon attempt with the social media equivalent of an eye roll and a barely contained tut.

> Former pro cyclist Tom Dumoulin clocks a blistering 1:08:42 half marathon... but grumpy runners aren't impressed

“I wouldn't want that time posted all over social media!” wrote Neil Bardsley, while Rob Burns asked: “Was he in a Dalek costume?”

“Dead slow for a world class athlete,” concluded Ken Nuttley, while Kurt Oehlberg said: “I would have expected a bit faster time given his years of cardio fitness.”

“How on earth can he run that slow after 20 years of cardio training? Sounds strange,” agreed Christian Ebert.

“He must have walked,” suggested Narasimhan. I’m sure he could do a sub-90 with the power and endurance he has.”

“Honestly I would have expected much better from a professional cyclist,” said Chris Gilligan. “Maybe he was running with his wife, or a group or something.”

“He must have been taking it very easy,” added Paul Wright, while Peter Williams joked that Cav’s attempt was “not a bad time running in cleats”.

(A.S.O./Thomas_Maheux)

Others weren’t as charitable, however.

“Not as easy as cycling, is it?” jabbed Andrew Cooke, as Kaleb Torgerson wondered whether the 2011 world champion was trying to “outdo Phil Gaimon with the worst retirement ever?”

And a very chuffed Rob Green said: “Well, I couldn’t ride a bike as fast as he did, but I now know I can run a half marathon quicker than he can.”

> Mark Cavendish wins “special” BBC Lifetime Achievement award after record-breaking final season

Thankfully, not everyone joined in on the Cav trolling.

“Why is everyone being so mean?” asked Gil MacLeod.

“Not very welcoming to a new runner, we all have to start somewhere,” wrote Gordon Graham. “Slagging him off for his time is disgraceful. He doesn’t call you when he sees your times on the bike on Strava. Well done, Mark Cavendish.”

“Very well done, Mark Cavendish. You absolute legend,” added Paul Starr. “Running and cycling two completely different disciplines. Great achievement.”

And Eric Tofflemire noted: “He was a sprinter with roots in track cycling. Reprogramming everything from explosive strength cycling, to endurance running is more difficult than many are recognising. Well done, Sir!”

 (Zac Williams/SWpix.com)

“Might be nice to see some of you ‘experts’ going on about PBs get on a bike for four hours at 40kph+, and then sprint for 400m at 70kph! Any of you up for it?” asked David Robinson. I can hear crickets chirping…

“Well done Mark, you’re a proper hero and champion. Any armchair warrior throwing shade here is not worthy to pump your tyres,” said Chinedu, while Jonathan said: “Guys give it to the GOAT. He just wants to run, okay?”

And Chris Madge concluded: “His time is irrelevant really, fair play to you Mark Cavendish.”

Now that’s the kind of attitude we should all take – let the man enjoy his retirement for goodness’ sake. Even if it means… shudder… running for enjoyment.

 

 

 

 

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First things first, credit to Nils Eekhoff and Team Picnic PostNL for their victory at Nokere Koerse this afternoon, the Dutchman timing his sprint beautifully to beat Matteo Moschetti and American rider Luke Lamperti. Unfortunately for Alpecin Deceuninck the main storyline coming out of the race is the crash of Jasper Philipsen just days before the defence of his Milan-San Remo crown.

There was a heavy fall in the final kilometre, Philipsen seemingly the second rider to go down and sent somersaulting by a falling rider behind him. The images didn't look good, the Belgian with some hefty road rash and seen being led away into an ambulance. Whether he'll be able to line up at the start of Milan-San Remo on Saturday remains to be seen, Alpecin Deceuninck yet to comment.

It would certainly be a blow for the team who have won the opening monument of the season in each of the last two years, in 2023 with Mathieu van der Poel and last time out with Philipsen. Let's see if there are any more updates this evening... 

Shocking breaking news – the debate surrounding Carlow’s “dirty-looking bike bollards” has migrated from the council chamber to the local community Facebook groups. And the results are exactly as you would expect.

Responding to calls from council chair Fergal Browne to replace the “unsightly” tall bollards – which, I remind you, were only introduced following consistent reports of bike lane blocking by drivers – installed on Carlow’s Green Lane with smaller wands (or better yet, no protection at all), the All About Carlow group has weighed in, after speaking to “many people on the street” about the issue.

This morning, the group posted a list of complaints, which they claimed they gathered from locals “expressing frustration” with the bollards, and the cycle lane in general.

Anti-cycling bingo cards at the ready:

Residents and drivers have raised several concerns, including:

Traffic Issues – Large vehicles like buses and lorries are struggling to navigate around the bollards, often crossing into the opposite lane.

Cyclist Safety – Some feel the design forces cyclists too close to curbs and drains, making cycling more hazardous.

Driver Inconvenience – Many believe the changes make it unnecessarily difficult to drive through town.

Road Maintenance – Comments suggest street sweepers cannot properly clean these areas, leading to debris and a higher risk of punctures.

Appearance and Practicality – Some find the bollards unattractive, while others worry fallen leaves in autumn could create a slipping hazard.

Use of Public Funds – A number of people feel the project is a waste of taxpayers’ money.

Ah, we just need something about access to home and we’d have had a full house! Oh, and the comments were just as predictable.

“Have yet to see many people using the cycle lanes,” noted Cepta Burke.

“Makes driving riskier especially when there are large trucks and buses on the roads, they are not wide enough and these vehicles encroach over the white line, nowhere for the driver of a car to go except into the bollards!” exclaimed Phil O’Neill.

“I think they are an eyesore, and they make the roads more dangerous to bikers and road users,” added Noelle.

“Think they should be removed. Half of them have already been knocked down and pulled out. Make the cycle lanes more visible using bright paint,” wrote Richard Keely.

“The bollards obstruct road cleaning and also obstructed the council from de-icing the footpaths.”

While Linda Travers said: “When trying to access the main road from Lark field, it feels so unsafe and your life is in danger each time you try go left or right. The older community leaving in that area some have stopped driving because of the bollards.”

However, not everyone joined in on the anti-cycling bingo fun.

“I really don’t see the issue,” wrote Sebastian Knawa. “That road is easily wide enough for a bus and cars to pass. I really don’t intend to be mean but if people have issues navigating without using the cycle lane as extra space in a normal car, then maybe consider getting a smaller car or improving your driving.

“Regarding cyclist safety, we have these in Kilkenny as well and I saw them in Dublin in a number of places and it very effectively separates cyclists from the road and makes drivers keep to their lane (which is an issue for some).

“I think it’s a great idea to have both sides have their space. It’s not how many people use a cycling lane , it’s the one time someone does and there happens to be a wavey driver who doesn’t respect the bike lane and knocks a cyclist down – that’s enough for these to be a good idea.

“Sure they can be an eyesore. But if we really care about aesthetically pleasing spaces, then let’s rip up the roads and lamp posts then we’ll just have fields again.”

Mic drop.

Oi, Dan… get out of my live blog! Afternoon everyone, I’m back, fresh from a lunch of haggis and escargot (alright that’s enough clues – all will be revealed at 6pm).

Anyway, that boy Pogačar doesn’t take long when it comes to churning out the merch, does he?

Less than two weeks since his high-speed detour into a thorn bush at Strade Bianche – and, of course, his extraordinary comeback to win – Tadej has already released a fun, limited edition t-shirt commemorating his most dramatic, tension-fuelled victory to date. And to be fair, it’s a cracker:

The front of the shirt features that iconic image of a bloodied, dishevelled Pogačar making his way back to the road, and includes the inscription, ‘It’s 8th March and you forgot to buy flowers’, a reference to International Women’s Day.

Meanwhile, the back boasts the flip side of the Strade Bianche coin, with an altogether more triumphant illustration of the Slovenian’s procession into Siena:

The shirt is currently available to buy for £34.45, and part of the profits will go to the Tadej Pogačar Foundation, the charity set up by the three-time Tour de France winner to raise funds for people affected by natural disasters and children with serious illnesses.

> 13-year-old driver and passenger, 15, charged with murder in New Mexico after deliberately hitting cyclist in bike lane and uploading footage to social media

Now, that’s not a bad way to open your account for your new team.

Polish sprinter Marta Lach bagged her first win for SD Worx-Protime this afternoon at Nokere Koerse, timing her explosive jump to perfection on the long drag to the line and overhauling Uno-X’s Linda Zanetti in the final 50 metres, after a late attack by Lidl-Trek’s British rider Anna Henderson had been snuffed out:

 

 

 

 

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UAE Team ADQ’s Irish up-and-coming star Lara Gillespie continued her promising start to the season, finishing extremely fast to take third – almost pipping Zanetti in the process – and nab her third podium in four starts at Belgium one-day races this month.

That win is just around the corner, I can sense it.

While his Visma-Lease a Bike teammate Matteo Jorgenson looked imperious on his way to his second consecutive Paris-Nice triumph, the Race to the Sun proved a week to forget for Jonas Vingegaard, who sustained a bruised wrist in a crash on stage five, before withdrawing before the following day’s stage as a precautionary measure.

And this morning, Visma-Lease a Bike have announced that the two-time Tour de France winner will not ride next week’s Volta a Catalunya as planned, in order to allow him more time to recover.

“Jonas Vingegaard has not yet recovered sufficiently from his crash in Paris-Nice. Therefore, he will not start in the Volta Ciclista a Catalunya,” the team said. “We wish him a speedy recovery.”

Adam Yates will lead the squad at the week-long stage race in the Dane’s absence, and will be supported by Sepp Kuss, Steven Kruijswijk, and the young British hopeful Matthew Brennan.

Vingegaard’s next race after Catalunya was expected to be the Critérium du Dauphiné – his last preparation event before the Tour de France – though given his relatively light start to the season, it is highly likely the Dane will take part in another week-long race once he’s fully recovered.

What do you reckon is Wout van Aert’s big obsession for 2025?

The easy money would be on either the Tour of Flanders or Paris-Roubaix, the cobbled monuments that have eluded the Belgian star so far in his career, despite seemingly being tailormade for him, and which currently act as imposing barriers currently preventing Van Aert – for all his extraordinary exploits and ludicrous all-round talent – from being viewed as one of cycling’s true greats.

But you’re actually wrong. According to his Visma-Lease a Bike teammate Tiesj Benoot, Van Aert is actually currently obsessed by a niche GPS square-based game called Squadrats.

For those of you, like me, scratching your heads, Squadrats is an app linked to Strava, which enables you to tick off ‘squares’ on a map – the standard variation of which is a mile squared – as you ride your bike, or walk, or swim, or whatever, featuring a leaderboard for those with the most squares collected. So it’s basically like Pokémon Go for Strava enthusiasts.

And it’s fair to say, it’s really taken off in the peloton, especially within Visma-Lease a Bike.

“It’s hard to explain, but it’s basically a site that’s connected to your Strava,” Benoot, who’s currently training with Van Aert in Tenerife ahead of his cobbled classic campaign, said on the Stamcafé Koers podcast this week.

“All your Strava files sync with Squadrats. The world map is divided into squares of a mile by a mile. The goal is to claim as many squares as possible. You can do that by cycling, running, walking, swimming... basically anything as long as it’s not motorised.

“Wout has already gotten used to it, and Sepp Kuss is also already on it. Many French pros know it too, such as Arnaud Démare and Kévin Vauquelin.

 

 

 

 

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“I haven’t been doing this for very long, but sometimes you have to do crazy things to claim a tile. During a training camp in Mallorca, Wout rode through the car park of a hotel just to get that square.”

But despite Van Aert’s typical all or nothing approach to cycling Pokémon, he still trails Benoot on the overall leaderboard, sitting in 43rd in the world compared to his teammate’s lofty position of 31st. Though I’m sure Wout would happily swap that car park square in Mallorca for a Ronde win…