Forget the national championships (though I promise I’ll get onto that far more pleasant topic in a moment), the most talked-about cycling-related video of the weekend featured a charity touring cyclist, a disproportionate irate farmer, and a s**t-tonne of, well, s**t.
In case you were actually out on your bike, or watching some world-class cyclists near you this weekend, here’s a quick recap of the whole sorry debacle, which one Devon-based farmer thought would be a great idea to share in the national press (we’ve got a full story with more detail coming soon).
On Friday, the Sun published an interview with Jack Bellamy, who earlier that week had filmed himself spotting a cyclist camped in a tent near a hedge in one of his fields.
In the clip, 29-year-old Jack narrates that “I tell you what, these ***** will set up anywhere,” before turning around and driving towards the cyclist, telling him to “have a bit of this”, and spraying slurry at him, his tent, and his bike for 15 long, terribly smelly seconds.
“He never said a word. He couldn’t really argue with that,” the clearly pleasant farmer told the Sun. “They come up from the towns and think they can do what they want.”
According to some on social media, the cyclist subject to the wall of excrement early in the morning is currently undertaking a self-supported charity ride across the length of Britain, camping out and avoiding hotels in a bid to raise as much money as possible for Cancer Research following his wife’s death from the disease last year.
And while the clip has unleashed unbridled euphoria among the more devoutly anti-cycling elements of social media, it appears to have – somewhat surprisingly, depending on your viewpoint – divided the farming community.
Here’s a selection of some of the comments we’ve seen on the Farming Forum.
“Whilst the farmer’s frustration is probably valid, I’m not sure that his reaction and possible assault in respect of a civil matter is doing farming any favours.”
“Horrible, horrible, thing to do and the height of ignorance on the part of the farmer. Forget about ‘wider implications for the farming industry’ or any of that aul pish, that was downright nasty.”
“If it’d been a whole load of itinerant campers barbecuing and littering in the middle of the field maybe... but one bloke tight up against the hedge, just bunked up for the night obviously trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. Think that’s harsh, bordering on cruel. I mean to pause the tractor deliberately, the lad’s an arrogant entitled git who should know better.”
“Despite my dislike for cyclists, that’s shocking. If I employed him he’d be looking for another job.”
> How to wild camp responsibly with OS Maps and Cycling UK
“What possible harm could he be doing in a freshly cut field tucked right up against the hedge? I’m sure he was only there for one night and moved on. Some folk really get too wound up about stuff. Go up and have a chat with him, see where he’s from he could be from, abroad even. We are regularly getting the cows in and a cyclist comes along from Netherlands etc, it’s really cool chatting to them and they always love seeing what we are up to.”
“Pretty grim and quite sad behaviour from the tractor driver, no doubt he got his quota of social media laugh emojis for the day. Karma is a funny thing, hopefully his victim isn't his future dentist, surgeon, or county court judge.”
“Some farmers are miserable. I think it’s good to see people out enjoying the countryside, if he was camping in my field I would have stopped and had a chat with him, he could have been doing a charity bike ride or something.”
“Cyclist was in the wrong, so ask him politely to move. Zero empathy from the tractor driver. He could be charged with assault I am sure (while trespass is a civil offence). Tractor driver is a twit.”
> Too posh to bush: bikepacking (with a tent) on the Isle of Wight
However, other members of the Farming Forum weren’t quite as supportive of the cyclist’s right to not be sprayed with slurry.
“What if the bloke had told the guy to leave and he was refusing?” one asked (though, as others on the forum noted, it’s pretty clear by the video that no such discussion took place before the slurry was unloaded).
“If someone started trying to camp in my drive or garden you can bet I’d be less than enthused about it. It’s someone's property. I don’t care if it's a 200 acre field of rewilded grassland no one ever lays eyes on or a £9.5 million 18 hole golf course. The principle is the same. One has to have respect for private property.”
Of course, the poor bike covered in slurry doesn’t count as private property, I imagine?