Counting up London’s ‘no cycling’ signs; Dirty Sanchez star completes 10 Ironman triathlons in ten days; Dylan Teuns suffers bizarre gardening accident; Cyclists burn 40 Cream Eggs a day at the Tour de France + more in today’s Live Blog

We don’t want to give this cretin any more publicity than is necessary, but here’s a selection of the best replies…

Hey, Bob. Sign this ya massive nugget. https://t.co/kuvSELoKLp pic.twitter.com/edgor5JwCh

— Martin Porter  (@TheCyclingScot) 31 July 2019

1) Road tax no longer exists. 2) Vehicle Excise Duty goes into general gov. money pot – not towards road maintenance. 3) Drivers of electric/low emission cars are exempt from VED like cyclists – should they be subjected to your tax? I look forward to your response.

— Phil Bovey (@PhillyBillyB) 31 July 2019

Electric cars are not “exempt” from VED, they are subject but pay £0. Important distinction as admin of VED costs £3.75 per vehicle per year. So if cyclists did become subject like electric cars it would cost an additional £150m per year for the Government to collect the extra £0

— ReCycledParent (@re_parent) 31 July 2019

I’m fine with paying £20 if drivers pay for road wear proportionally. Road wear is a function of the 4th power of mass. For a 1.7 ton car, that’s £1.6 million if me + bike+ luggage is 100kg

— Nick Cumming (@nickcumming) 31 July 2019

So you propose cyclists, who already pay for the roads through income and council tax, who don’t pollute, don’t kill hundreds of people per year and don’t cause potholes, pay extra on top of their current contributions, in order to fix potholes that motor vehicles create?

— Aleks Ivanov (@Dehibernate) July 31, 2019

Will my 4yr old daughter need one for her bike? Ps how do I claim back 20 yrs of taxes paid? Seeing as I don’t pay them, I’d quite like £000’s back. I’d love a new bike.

— Howard Crompton (@CromptonHoward) July 31, 2019

On average, Tour de France cyclists burn 6071 calories a day. To compensate for that energy loss, they could eat 19 Greggs vegan sausage rolls, 32 jam donuts, 40 Cadbury Creme Eggs, 132 Jaffa Cakes, 243 carrots or 759 Brussels sprouts.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) 31 July 2019

Alex Dowsett calls for a revamp of his team’s nutritional strategy based of these calculations…

Yet none of this was on the menu, 40 Cadbury Creme eggs, https://t.co/oh6d21R6XL

— Alex Dowsett (@alexdowsett) July 31, 2019

In a development straight out of a certain spoof music-themed movie from the 80’s (although thankfully this one wasn’t fatal), the Bahrain-Merida rider is unable to race the San Sebastien Clasica due to a “minor home accident” caused by a lawn tractor. In a statement, Bahrain-Merida said: “The unfortunate event happened to the Team Bahrain Merida rider while gardening with his garden tractor this morning at his house in Halen.

Dylan suffered a facial wound, that required 15 stitches in his forehead. Due to this and a bashed up face, unfortunately, he will miss the upcoming ‘Clasica San Sebastian’. All of us at Team Bahrain Merida wish him a speedy recovery!” 

Let’s hope none of the other members of the team spontaneously combust, choke on someone else’s vomit or are eaten by a pet python during the rest of their race preparations… 

Yesterday we reported on government figures that reveal there has been no growth in the number of trips being made by bicycle. In fact, since 2002, the number of trips being made has fallen by five per cent.

Joshua Harris director of Road safety charity Brake told the London Evening Standard that the results indicate more funding is needed.

“These findings reveal that most adults just don’t think it’s safe to cycle on our roads and more is clearly needed to be done to convince them otherwise.

“Whilst the Government’s actions to encourage more people to cycle and keep them safe are welcome, they must go further.

“We need slower, safer speed limits, greater investment in segregated cycle lanes and drivers who behave dangerously removed from our roads.”

North of Tyne mayor Jamie Driscoll has told Chronicle Live that he’s working to create a post of walking and cycling commissioner.

Driscoll has no transport powers, but campaigners say a commissioner could lobby for new, high-quality transport options to help people switch from cars.

“Sustainable transport is key priority for me and we’re already working on it,” said Driscoll. “I have met with Chris Boardman and looked at the work they’re doing in Manchester. I’m working with Sustrans, the sustainable travel organisation based in Newcastle, and with colleagues across the region to help us develop a really effective policy that is sustainable for the North of Tyne.

“An Active Travel Commissioner is one of the areas we will be exploring. The benefits of walking and cycling are obvious in terms of climate change, tackling obesity, general health and quality of life. As a keen cyclist myself, I am always happy to meet directly with groups to discuss ways we can work at a community level as well as supporting high profile events such as the Tour of Britain to promote healthy travel.”

Last week we reported how a dockless Lime e-bike caught fire while someone was riding it in New York. The firm claimed that the incident came about because someone had tried to tamper with the lock.

It’s now being reported that Lyft is to halt its e-bike hire scheme in San Francisco after two of its bikes caught ablaze.

“Out of an abundance of caution, we are temporarily making the ebike fleet unavailable to riders while we investigate and update our battery technology,” said a spokesperson. Full story over on eBikeTips. 

BREAKING: @LYFT e-bike battery catches fire in #SanFrancisco

Reported first by @SFExaminer. https://t.co/Zk5T0mCD9q pic.twitter.com/3SBj19qk2X

— Joe Fitz Rodriguez (@FitzTheReporter) July 31, 2019

Unfortunately for road.cc staffers the off.road.cc gang have bagsied this one, and you can read all about the juicy tech details over on off.road.cc right now. 

Three stage wins, and a certain Frenchman keeping hold of the yellow jersey for 14 days in total and subsequently making the entire Tour equals a very memorable three weeks for Quick-Step, and now they’ve packaged it all in video form for your enjoyment. 

For those who don’t recall, Dirty Sanchez was a mid-2000’s ‘stunt show’ set in the valleys in which the subjects harm themselves in various ways and film the evidence – a Welsh Jackass, if you will. 

About five years ago, one of the stars of the show Matthew Pritchard had an epiphany after struggling with alcohol addiction and mental health issues, subsequently going vegan and even bagging his own vegan cooking show on the BBC. He also got well into fitness, and started doing ultra-endurance triathlon and cycling events. 

His gluttony for punishment ramped up to another level recently as he lined up for Deca UK, competing in the continuous event where participants have to complete ten Ironmans, with the clock running continuously. Pritchard finished in 248 hours, 42 minutes and 30 seconds yesterday evening, swimming 24 miles, cycling 1,120 miles and rounding off with a 262 mile run. 

The event was won by Mark Dodgson, who finished in a mere 235 hours, 20 minutes and 12 seconds.  

Gods of the Game will see contestants up against well-known British athletes in various sporting challenges.

Full story here.

Looks like Bob’s petition has been pulled by https://t.co/eQE2QZy6o2. It was going so well too! Had over 4 signatures! https://t.co/T27Qvp3b4A

— Elisabeth Anderson (@velobetty) August 1, 2019

There’ll be five angry signatories if they do decide to pull it…

Ineos could field three different Tour-winners at next year’s race.

Full story here.

“NO CYCLING” Signs.
There are 12,240 across London – over half of them thanks to Wandsworth Council @wandbc which has them on every ***king lampost. pic.twitter.com/oyTUnFN1kM

— always last (@lastnotlost) August 1, 2019

Apparently Wandsworth Council lead the way with erecting ‘no cycling’ signs, with an astonishing 6,996 across the borough. Are there any bare lamposts left? 

#ImOldEnoughToRememberWhen banana seats ruled. pic.twitter.com/f0JmNOIZdw

— T-Dub (@Norseman86) August 1, 2019

What’s your fondest bike-related memory of yesteryear? 

Whitecross Road is notorious for speeding.

Full story here.

In August 2017, Ramsey Barreto filmed the aftermath of a road traffic collision on his phone as he drove past. A police officer spotted him and pulled him over.

The BBC reports that he was charged with ‘driving a motor vehicle while using a hand-held mobile telephone.’ This seems fair enough – except that Barreto then successfully appealed, arguing that “he wasn’t using it to communicate”.

The regulations refer to using, ‘a hand-held mobile telephone or other hand-held interactive communication device,’ and the judges decided that the inclusion of the word ‘other’ works to confine the meaning of ‘using’ to phones being used ‘for an interactive communication’ function.

This is clearly a massive nonsense. Not only is using a mobile phone to film something while driving incredibly dangerous, it also creates a host of other bizarre distinctions.

Writing in The Spectator, Matthew Scott points out that it means that operating a phone to play recorded music is not ‘using’ a phone, whereas doing so to stream music probably is.

Emma Patterson, whose law firm took up Barreto’s case, points out that a driver filming using their phone could still be prosecuted for driving without due care or dangerous driving.

“We think the law will change very quickly,” she said. “In the meantime it’s very likely that police officers that pull you over for fiddling with mobiles are more likely to charge you for driving without due care.”