DZnuts Chamois Cream

DZnuts Chamois Cream is an effective bottom butter that comes in a tube so it's easy to use.

The DZ of DZnuts is David Zabriskie, a recently ex road pro who used to ride for Garmin-Sharp. Famous for impressive time-trial performances he won stages in all three Grand Tours and was US National Time Trial Champion enough times too. He's also known as 'a bit of a character' off the bike with fooling around and comedy facial hair. H

aving spent most of his life so far in the saddle he should know what he's talking about when it comes to crotch comfort, and like all good racers Zabriskie has a pharmaceutical history so he should also know what he's talking about when it comes to potions and lotions, such as his DZnuts line of creams.

DZnuts Chamois Cream is part of a range of embrocation, shaving and chamois creams Mr Zabriskie has brought out to, as he charmingly puts it, 'protect your junk'.

The mission statement of DZnuts is 'Maintaintenance'. That's not a typo, it's a play on the word 'taint'. You might want to look the word up if you don't get the joke, probably not on the work's computer though, it's almost funny in a schoolboy kind of way.

DZ say it's all about maintaining the taint by not just lubricating the area but by preventing and treating saddle sores with a four point strategy The idea is to first eliminate chaffing, the precursor of saddle sores; provide an anti-inflammatory environment; heal wounds and finally combat fungal and bacterial growth to reduce the chance of infection. It does all of that whilst using natural alternatives to the petroleum derived wax and oil ingredients used in traditional cycling creams.

Those ingredients are a long long list of words, none of which sound particularly horrible. There's familiar tea tree oil for its anti-bacterial properties, evodia as an anti-inflamatory and healing agent, and masterwort for extra wound healing and calming properties. But that's enough of the science bit, how does it perform downstairs?

For starters it comes in a tube rather than a tub which is a small but convenient bonus in several ways. It makes application onto finger-tips more hygienic, removing the fear of double-dipping, especially if a friend wants a borrow, and there's the possibility of less - um - overspread, as it's easier to regulate the amount dealt out compared to getting over-excited with a couple of fingers in an inviting tub.

You don't need to squeeze too much out of the tube to achieve a sufficient application, it goes on smoothly and absorbs well without being sticky or unpleasantly tacky like some chamois creams. If that skin-on-skin familiarity brings on feelings of guilt DZnuts is equally at home being smeared onto a chamois.

The inclusion of tea-tree and sandalwood in the mix means that it's every so slightly fragranced, nicely, and a teeny bit tingly when initially spread, which comes as a refreshing sensation rather than a shock.

And it works. It's been ridden and raced with, short rides, long rides, hot rides, cold rides, wet rides, and it's performed perfectly in all arenas. It's been sweated into in a most ungentlemanly fashion over whole days, and had water grimly sprayed into it from all angles and it hasn't diluted and faltered in either situation.

The best thing I can say about it is that I never knew it was there: no tackiness, no unpleasant gooeyness and it didn't stop working halfway through any rides like I've had the suddenly uncomfortable experience with certain other brands.

It's impossible to comment on DZnuts ability to prevent or soothe saddle sores as none occurred. I'm not one to suffer much irritation or sores down there anyway but DZnuts was thinly applied after some rides as an experimental soothing salve and it did feel, erm, nice. Let's politely leave it there.

Conclusion

DZnuts is a little more expensive than other chamois creams but thanks to being able to be quite precise with portion control via the tube and its smooth but lasting viscosity you can get away with using less.

Once on it wasn't sticky or greasy and lasted as long as any ride did. There's a pot of my perennial favourite chamois cream right next to the DZnuts tube, and it's testament to its effectiveness that I've never felt the need to dip into the old stuff instead.

Verdict

Long-lasting, very effective shorts pad lube.