Juice Lubes Chapeau! Chamois Cream

Already producing a successful and comprehensive range of oils and unguents for your bicycle the Juice Lube boys from the west country now aim to keep your body well lubricated with their new Chapeau chamois cream.

Chapeau! comes in two different, er , flavours, Original and Menthol, with the latter being infused with Tea Tree and Peppermint Oil for a tainty tingle. Both varieties can be applied pre-ride as the traditional barrier to chafing and also afterwards to soothe and help heal any 'issues' down below, although to a cynical mind that may somewhat call into question its effectiveness as an anti-chaffing lotion. Anyway, Chapeau! comes in a 200ml tube rather than a tub, making it easier to squeeze out the correct amount of cream rather than guess how much lube fingering a tub will scoop up, and it avoids the awkward chamois cream faux-pas of double-dipping.

Chapeau! has a very smooth and light texture, not at all sticky, tacky or clammy like some other chamois creams, it almost feels like a moisturiser and as such it absorbs into the skin well rather than forming a slippery layer over the top, which gives the psychological sensation that it's not going to work because you can't feel the somewhat reassuring stickiness of a chamois cream as shorts cup flesh, but it does work, well, for a bit.

Pedaling off with a fresh application of Chapeau! is a refreshing experience because there isn't any stiction twixt chamois and cheeks and it's almost a spiritual release, but that rapture starts to fade some miles into the ride. Because it absorbs well, is non-greasy and doesn't have the sticky tenacious qualities of other chamois creams it simply doesn't last long, rough unscientifically tested guestimates suggest that Chapeau! starts to dry up down below after two and a half hours or so, a disappointing trait that can lead to a very friction fidgety uncomfortable rest of ride, and be quite literally a pain in the arse if you're cracking some miles off. On top of this Chapeau! isn't particularly resistant to moisture, be that sweat seeping out (sorry ladies) or water splashing up and can wash away too quickly, leading to more lube free anxiety and a grumpy rump.

The Menthol Chapeau! is lighter in consistency than the Original and it's immediately obvious on application that it has less body, the menthol tingle is more 'angel's breath sucking on a Polo mint' than 'fiery taste of the North Sea from a trawlerman's mate' but being of an even less tacky consistency than the Original cream concern about it's longevity in the saddle is compounded and justified. However applying Chapeau! after a ride had a pleasant soothing effect, especially the Menthol flavour, um, freshening things downstairs, and easing the nethers from the rigors of the day, making them more ready for the efforts of tomorrow.

Verdict

For those that don't like the sticky and sometimes clammy and greasy feel of other chamois creams then Juice Lubes Chapeau! initially looks and more importantly feels like a winner. Sadly it fails to last the distance, fine if you're just doing short jaunts, quick races or are in a position to re-lube regularly but those that need a more tenacious botty-butter that can put the miles in should look elsewhere.