Having your bike stolen is a anywhere between a damned inconvenience and the heart-breaking loss of an old friend. Bike insurance firm the Environmental Transport Association (ETA) reckons it has a solution: the anti-thief ejector seat.

Powered by compressed air, the ETA's ejector saddle is punched 2 metres into the air if not first disarmed by the bike’s owner.

An ETA spokesperson said: “Whether it’s fully-comp insurance or a piece of tech, our aim is to keep cyclists one step ahead of thieves.”

If this looks a bit familiar, it seems to be the same bike the ETA rolled out a couple of years ago in response to Aston Martins's One-77 bike.

That bike, which you can see in the video below has a few other handy features for urban warriors, including a rear track for traction on all surfaces and a flamethrower to repel close passes. Nobody likes to waste a good idea, so we're pretty sure the ETA ran it out in 2010 too.

Being caught in a zombie apocalypse is less of a concern for most cyclists, but just in case having your brains eaten by the walking dead is keeping you awake at night, ETA has got you covered there too.

Their zombie-proof bike boasts a chainsaw out front for lopping lumps off reanimated corpses and a flamethrower for setting their mummified flesh aflame. Another flamethrower? We're detecting a pattern here.