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Live blog: Jeremy Vine right hook vid; Stanley Johnson vs Piers Morgan: Johnson snr says licensing for cyclists “a crazy idea”; Cycling April Fools (too many?); Simon Geschke reveals x-ray showing horrific Volta a Catalunya crash damage + more
SUMMARY

In case you missed it: top stories from the weekend


Should national champion’s jerseys be awarded for eRacing? Tom Pidcock sparks Twitter debate.
Careless driver who left cyclist in coma is roads police officer with the MET.
Taunton cycle safety operation sees police stop 24 cyclists and three motorists.
9 reasons to be cheerful as the clocks go forward this weekend.
Does Ventoux get boring too?
If you lived at the foot of Mont Ventoux, would you bother riding up it often? I remember chatting to a couple of riders from Bedouin cycling club, as I was preparing to climb it. They said they hadn’t been up for years. Is it a bit like Londoners visiting the Tower of London? pic.twitter.com/v9bKjNk1oq
— Ned Boulting (@nedboulting) March 31, 2019
Like a certain well-known gradient in Surrey, do Ventoux locals actually get bored of the famous cycling climb at their disposal?
Not an April fool...
Utterly disgusting, typical @CambsCC car-supremacy. Big wide road for motorists to drive at high speed, next to crumbling path with obnoxious and illegal exclusionary barriers for people walking and cycling. A1301 Hinxton. pic.twitter.com/p7kOZIKzz5
— bostonian_abroad (@walking_boston) March 31, 2019
Just some really bad infra courtesy of Cambridgeshire County Council.
April the 1st round-up - some of the top banter we've received so far
In topsy-turvy 2019 April Fool’s is perhaps less effective than it once was, but we’ve had a few cycling-related funnies brought to our attention already. We’ll try to post more as we get them but here are the top ones so far…
Fat Lad at the Back launch Mario Chipolata bike range.


The new range will be made specifically for the large rider. Chipolata is known for his superior pie-to-weight ratio and chalking up over 200 victories including the Flan Remo and twelve Tour de Pub stage wins.
Dure-Verse 12.5 speed
Online retailer Tredz have entered the groupset market with the latest drivesteain technology. Dure-Verse 12 speed lets you pedal backwards if you miss a turning and will “change your world”.
Every citizen gets a free bike in Auckland


Would actually be a great idea if true, but bikeauckland.nz reports that the original $900m earmarked for walking and cycling infra would instead be dished out in the form of a new bike for everyone. A source said: “Look, it totally makes sense when you think about it. We’ve been operating in good faith with the idea that ‘if you build it, they will come’ – which works if you actually, you know, build it.’
“It’s just taking sooooo long. And we have a growing climate crisis to address. Hence the logic of doing it the other way around. As operators like Lime and OnzO have demonstrated, if you give people the gear, they’ll ride. And then you can build it if you need to.”
Wiggle launch performance-enhancing spokey dokeys


No longer just a kids accessory from years gone by, the spokey dokey has now made a comeback in the form of a carbon fibre performance-enhancing tool, and there is also a Brexit range for those brave enough to discuss politics on the bike. Olympic cyclist Dani Rowe says: “Cyclists across the UK now have another way to express their personality to other cyclists even while they’re desperately sucking in as much oxygen as possible on the most gruelling of climbs. What’s more, since using the ‘Carbon Pro’ Spokey Dokey I’ve gone faster for longer, it really is a must have.”
Band of Climbers purchase Furka Pass Hotel
The Belvedere Hotel will be transformed into a cyclist’s paradise with masseurs, mechanics, soigneurs and meal plans tailored for your watts per kg! And if you’re too tired from hill reps to make it back up, a bike lift will do the hard work for you.
It’s almost too good to be true!
Ouch!
Really don’t know what’s going on this season, but so far it feels like it’s cursed. Devastated pic.twitter.com/lqEXivQsMZ
— Simon Geschke (@simongeschke) March 31, 2019
The season is going from bad to worse for CCC rider Simon Geschke before it’s even really started. Speedy recovery Simon…
Game-changing iThirst bottle cage from Vel transmits your fluid levels via Bluetooth


The £80 cage includes a free three-month subscription to VEL’s AquaFlo App (£12.99 per month then-after), which learns your hydration requirements and suggests sipping intervals based on your effort and the environmental temperature. When the volume of the bottle dips below 250ml, nearby trusted rehydration stations will be suggested on your head unit (we’re hoping somewhere with nice cold beers).
Before long climbs or starred segments, your head unit will suggest shedding the required amount of liquid so you can go for a PB with just enough hydration on the bike and no extra weight.
It’s currently “not quite ready for production” if you click to buy on Sigma’s website. We’re hoping it will be shipping out by April 1st next year though…
Haven't we seen something like this before?
USE Ultimate is always pushing the boundaries of performance. The #NEW Fusion bar has Double Drop Technology to get you even lower and outpace the competition.
Order now on https://t.co/bVv7yQ8Vb5#rideultimate #ultimateuse #aero #cycle #roadie #cyclelife #bikeporn #aprilfool pic.twitter.com/4AdXPckM2Q— use-exposure (@use_exposure) April 1, 2019
We reckon USE may have found excerpts from a certain bike brand’s cutting room floor to get inspiration for their April Fool’s effort (the name of that bike rhymes with ‘fail’ to give you an idea).
Ribble's new electric track bike - guaranteed hour record beater
The Worlds first electric track bike – The eLiminatorhttps://t.co/EBRAOzn3YQ
Developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds
250W of power designed to get out of the Starting Gates and gain every advantage for an Individual Pursuit
Indoor GPS compatible for velodrome Strava pic.twitter.com/THhtXttYBT— RibbleCycles (@RibbleCycles) April 1, 2019
The eLiminator “was developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds”, delivering 250W of power to get you out of the starting gates in a flash.
New radio show Saddled starts today on Radio Scotland at 1.30pm
Let’s Ride!
Say hello to the members of The Easy Riders cycling club!New comedy Saddled starts today. #Saddled – https://t.co/QF60DDT67n pic.twitter.com/MtXZhsyoqy
— BBC Radio Scotland (@BBCRadioScot) April 1, 2019
New comedy focuses on the adventures of the dysfunctional Easy Riders cycling club.
Stanley Johnson says licensing system for cyclists is "a crazy idea"
Lord Winston suggested the need for cyclists to have number plates after he was challenged by an ‘abusive rider’.
What do you think? Do we need license plates for cyclists to improve road safety? pic.twitter.com/nMeiPIshGr
— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) April 1, 2019
Whatever your views on his son’s contribution to the Brexit process (who is often seen cycling around London himself), Johnson snr did a reasonably good job of discrediting professional rabble rouser Piers Morgan on the subject of compulsory licensing for cyclists, appearing on Good Morning Britain earlier. Morgan also appeared to get confused with the differences between travelling on foot and pedalling a bicycle during the debate, describing cyclists as “invisible people marching around anonymously on your bikes”.
Oxford to get “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone … and dockless unicycle hire
The Oxford Mail has been getting in on the April Fool’s Day fun this morning with not one but two cycling-related spoof stories on its website.
First off is the news that the city of dreaming spires is to get what is billed as the “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone (they clearly haven’t heard of Public Space Protection Orders).
Meanwhile, Oxford is also reported to be getting a dockless unicycle hire scheme, to be operated by a company called LOFO (geddit???!!!), with a spokesman saying: “Having seen the problems the other companies have had with people chucking their bikes in the rivers, we have come up with an ingenious solution – our unicycles floats, so our staff will be able to collect them using big nets.”
5 tech products that actually aren't April Fools
The guys and girls at off-road.cc list the products that could be suspected as an April Fools joke at first glance….
Jeremy Vine hit by "untidy" right hook
Car hit me today.
He took a right turn in a way that was a little, shall we say, untidy.
Ended up on good terms, no need to take it further.
What’s concerning is how no amount of alert cycling will save you from a sudden moment of total sloppiness by another road user pic.twitter.com/VnUoj6DKvV— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) April 1, 2019
Last week, as readers of the blog, and followers of Jeremy Vine on Twitter, will know he was almost left hooked by a cab, this week a London motorist actually made contact when right hooking the broadcaster in manoeuvre he described as “untidy” in a bravura piece of understatement. Last week Twitter divided as to how culpable Vine was in contributing to the left hook near miss there’s no doubt that the driver was completely at fault in this case.
In other Jeremy Vine news… here's his April Fool
Did they bite?
Let’s just say that Jeremy clearly knows his viewers and twitter followers well enough to know how to make their knees jerk so fast they don’t have time to remember what the date is.
What do you make of the news that's just come in that the Government is planning a car-free day on May 17 to help tackle pollution?
Anyone found driving a private vehicle on that day will be subject to arrest and prosecution. Too much? #jeremyvine pic.twitter.com/rkPZpnj6Lu
— Jeremy Vine On 5 (@JeremyVineOn5) April 1, 2019
Shame it’s not true though.
Please can we just stop now…!
We’re proud to unveil the most revolutionary triathlon racing machine the world has ever seen: the IA-UNI. 3,000 grams lighter, 457% more aerodynamic. The future is here. pic.twitter.com/5FXBYRwQDB
— Felt Bicycles (@FeltBicycles) April 1, 2019
Okay, this does looks sort of cool
Dan Martin has his Garmin stolen while picking himself up from crash
To the guy who stole my garmin off my bike when I was picking myself up off the floor yesterday; please send the training file to @doctorinigo My @TrainingPeaks needs to be updated
— Dan Martin (@DanMartin86) April 1, 2019
Poor show
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"All that's required is an to roads policing" - that's a big all... Although no doubt the "idiots just keep coming" aspect does apply: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz9lel2wz93o "Man charged after car crashes through bowling alley" - luckily they only skittled over skittles.
Almost any change to roads and streets is accompanied by a period of heightened danger, and in the UK "look out for cyclists" will need to be learned... practically. And over the time it takes for cyclists to become a regular feature. OTOH once (if...) good designs are in and frequent enough such that drivers encounter them AND the cyclists on them regularly (another big if) I don't think they should be much more difficult than a footway to deal with. These things are all over NL - don't have the collision stats but they should. (NL isn't perfect but collecting info on the safety of designs to feed back into better designs as required is part of the "sustainable safety" philosophy - if they're really a killer I think they'd be altering these.)
I'm in the happy position of agreeing with everybody here! I've never considered a bike with a stand, yet I'm impressed by the ingenuity and adaptability of this axle. I tow a Yak Bob with a Robert Axle, employing my El Cheapo Vitus gravel bike and I just have to be very careful where I stop. Hedges are generally a dead loss, and I seek walls, telegraph poles and signposts and generally lean the widest part of the Bob against it. One very awkward task is removing the two steel pins which lock the trailer arms onto the special mounting slots on the Robert axle, and when you have one out, the sodding weight in the trailer can twist the whole caboodle and bend the Bob fitting before you can get the other out and unhitch. I doubt if a stand would help with that. You can imagine that this combo is a real pain when you have to get it over the bridge at railway stations, and it nearly resulted in Merseyrail nearly parting me and the trailer on the platform from the bike on the train. It's a long story for another time. Another axle example recently featured on here, with a 12mm front axle bearing the Herculean weight limit of a monster American front rack.
This has nothing to do with the type of bike - it's the type of behaviour that's the problem. Banning the sale of such bikes will not curtail the behaviour. They'll just find another type of vehicle and continue to drive dangerously as there's such a lack of enforcement. I'd sooner see them ban the bally. But really, all that's required is an improvement to roads policing.
The EAPC Bill is welcome, but full of holes. What's to stop an overpowered but temporarily limited e-bike being sold and subsequently delimited? This is often a trivial process.
@KiwiMike Yeah, in my over four decades of riding all over Europe I've never 'been for a ride in the countryside'. That must be it. Or, and I know this is a wild concept, you just accept that I just voiced my personal experiences and never missed a kickstand, like I wrote. Anyway, what's the big horror of laying your bike on its side for the very few occasions where there is nothing to lean your bike against?
They may have looked, but did they see?
Ds2025: where they are going wrong is that they are crushing the motorbike rather than the person sat on top of it. If they did the latter this issue would be solved in less than 24 hours.
I came this way today with the car boot sale in operation. There was a marshal at the entrance, who stopped a car turning right across the cycleway as I was approaching. So that certainly works. I think it necessary for the marshal to be there, I couldn't say if the driver would have turned if he hadn't been there but you always have to suspect the worst. Unfortunately there is no marshal at the exit, and there was certainly a car stopped across the cycleway as I was approaching it. But he pulled onto the road before I reached it, and the following car stayed off the cycleway as I went through. Ideally there should have been a marshal there too. On the whole, though, it's a really high standard piece of infrastructure. Just a pity it doesn't extend a bit further.
“absolute carnage” So right! Just look at the bodies piled up, blood running in the gutters and injured people limping away. It's a bit of a problem with a road, delaying some people for minutes at a time: it isn't carnage, let alone 'absolute carnage'. Anyone who exaggerates so ridiculously really shouldn't be allowed to comment in public, unless they want to demonstrate their idiocy to all and sundry.
6 thoughts on “Live blog: Jeremy Vine right hook vid; Stanley Johnson vs Piers Morgan: Johnson snr says licensing for cyclists “a crazy idea”; Cycling April Fools (too many?); Simon Geschke reveals x-ray showing horrific Volta a Catalunya crash damage + more”
Got a email this morning –
Got a email this morning – Ribble announce world’s first e-track bike:
[The eLiminator] THE eLIMINATOR
– Developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds
– 250W of power designed to get out of the Starting Gates and gain every advantage for an
– Individual Pursuit
– Indoor GPS compatible for velodrome Strava segments
– Optimally designed to combat the Coriolis Effect
– Riding round in circles has never been so fun!
I enjoyed Sigma Sports one of
I enjoyed Sigma Sports April Fools of an eBottle Cage. It was quite convincingly written in a way that could convince you that there was a grain of truth in it. I imagine there were a few disappointed MAMIL’s with too much money out there when they found out it was a joke:
https://www.sigmasports.com/item/VEL/iThirst-Smart-Bottle-Cage/M7J9?om_campaign=omme_d0494948-13b_17081_38033&om_send=0fbad59f46be414786503374d7c69056&utm_campaign=omme_d0494948-13b_customer_april_fools_vel&utm_content=variation_a&utm_medium=email&utm_source=ometria
How on earth do the rantings
How on earth do the rantings of Lord W qualify for being (relatively) seriously discussed on television?
brooksby wrote:
Piers Morgan was involved.
harragan wrote:
Piers Morgan was involved.— brooksby
Oh, yeah: that would do it <facepalm>
brooksby wrote:
Folk seem to be determined to try and give this news bite traction in the vain hope of something happening. It has been run on numerous radio stations and programs. Forget the reasoned argument that the costs of registering how many millions of bikes outweigh the fees required. By all means licence me to cycle as well but just add a category on to my licence as I am operating a vehicle of negligible horsepower and I see no need to sit a further test!