Dan Martin has his Garmin stolen while picking himself up from crash
Please can we just stop now…!
In other Jeremy Vine news… here's his April Fool
Did they bite?
Let's just say that Jeremy clearly knows his viewers and twitter followers well enough to know how to make their knees jerk so fast they don't have time to remember what the date is.
What do you make of the news that's just come in that the Government is planning a car-free day on May 17 to help tackle pollution?
Anyone found driving a private vehicle on that day will be subject to arrest and prosecution. Too much? #jeremyvine pic.twitter.com/rkPZpnj6Lu
— Jeremy Vine On 5 (@JeremyVineOn5) April 1, 2019
Shame it's not true though.
Jeremy Vine hit by "untidy" right hook
Car hit me today.
He took a right turn in a way that was a little, shall we say, untidy.
Ended up on good terms, no need to take it further.
What's concerning is how no amount of alert cycling will save you from a sudden moment of total sloppiness by another road user pic.twitter.com/VnUoj6DKvV
— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) April 1, 2019
Last week, as readers of the blog, and followers of Jeremy Vine on Twitter, will know he was almost left hooked by a cab, this week a London motorist actually made contact when right hooking the broadcaster in manoeuvre he described as “untidy” in a bravura piece of understatement. Last week Twitter divided as to how culpable Vine was in contributing to the left hook near miss there’s no doubt that the driver was completely at fault in this case.
5 tech products that actually aren't April Fools
The guys and girls at off-road.cc list the products that could be suspected as an April Fools joke at first glance....
Oxford to get “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone … and dockless unicycle hire
The Oxford Mail has been getting in on the April Fool’s Day fun this morning with not one but two cycling-related spoof stories on its website.
First off is the news that the city of dreaming spires is to get what is billed as the “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone (they clearly haven’t heard of Public Space Protection Orders).
Meanwhile, Oxford is also reported to be getting a dockless unicycle hire scheme, to be operated by a company called LOFO (geddit???!!!), with a spokesman saying: “Having seen the problems the other companies have had with people chucking their bikes in the rivers, we have come up with an ingenious solution – our unicycles floats, so our staff will be able to collect them using big nets."
Stanley Johnson says licensing system for cyclists is "a crazy idea"
Lord Winston suggested the need for cyclists to have number plates after he was challenged by an ‘abusive rider’.
What do you think? Do we need license plates for cyclists to improve road safety? pic.twitter.com/nMeiPIshGr
— Good Morning Britain (@GMB) April 1, 2019
Whatever your views on his son's contribution to the Brexit process (who is often seen cycling around London himself), Johnson snr did a reasonably good job of discrediting professional rabble rouser Piers Morgan on the subject of compulsory licensing for cyclists, appearing on Good Morning Britain earlier. Morgan also appeared to get confused with the differences between travelling on foot and pedalling a bicycle during the debate, describing cyclists as "invisible people marching around anonymously on your bikes".
New radio show Saddled starts today on Radio Scotland at 1.30pm
Ribble's new electric track bike - guaranteed hour record beater
The Worlds first electric track bike - The eLiminatorhttps://t.co/EBRAOzn3YQ
Developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds
250W of power designed to get out of the Starting Gates and gain every advantage for an Individual Pursuit
Indoor GPS compatible for velodrome Strava pic.twitter.com/THhtXttYBT
— RibbleCycles (@RibbleCycles) April 1, 2019
The eLiminator "was developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds", delivering 250W of power to get you out of the starting gates in a flash.
Haven't we seen something like this before?
USE Ultimate is always pushing the boundaries of performance. The #NEW Fusion bar has Double Drop Technology to get you even lower and outpace the competition.
Order now on https://t.co/bVv7yQ8Vb5#rideultimate #ultimateuse #aero #cycle #roadie #cyclelife #bikeporn #aprilfool pic.twitter.com/4AdXPckM2Q
— use-exposure (@use_exposure) April 1, 2019
We reckon USE may have found excerpts from a certain bike brand's cutting room floor to get inspiration for their April Fool's effort (the name of that bike rhymes with 'fail' to give you an idea).
Game-changing iThirst bottle cage from Vel transmits your fluid levels via Bluetooth
The £80 cage includes a free three-month subscription to VEL's AquaFlo App (£12.99 per month then-after), which learns your hydration requirements and suggests sipping intervals based on your effort and the environmental temperature. When the volume of the bottle dips below 250ml, nearby trusted rehydration stations will be suggested on your head unit (we're hoping somewhere with nice cold beers).
Before long climbs or starred segments, your head unit will suggest shedding the required amount of liquid so you can go for a PB with just enough hydration on the bike and no extra weight.
It's currently "not quite ready for production" if you click to buy on Sigma's website. We're hoping it will be shipping out by April 1st next year though...
Band of Climbers purchase Furka Pass Hotel
Exciting News. Today we can officially announce that we have completed the purchase of the Belvedere Hotel on Switzerland’s Epic Furka Pass. . Back in October we formally submitted a plan in conjunction with AF Engineering to develop the hotel into a 77 Bedroom cycling hotel and retreat. . Opening in November, each room will have its own Soigneur and massage therapist, and each meal will be cooked for you based on your current W/KG. . The really exciting part, we realise it’s a long way to climb at the end of a ride, so we are installing a world first bike lift. We’re drilling an enormous hole directly under the floor of the hotel, where we will fit a lift for you and your bike. We will also build a new tunnel to connect the lift directly with Obergoms, so you never have to even ride the climb to stay at the hotel. . Looking forward to welcoming you all soon. . @cauldphoto
The Belvedere Hotel will be transformed into a cyclist's paradise with masseurs, mechanics, soigneurs and meal plans tailored for your watts per kg! And if you're too tired from hill reps to make it back up, a bike lift will do the hard work for you.
It's almost too good to be true!
April the 1st round-up - some of the top banter we've received so far
In topsy-turvy 2019 April Fool's is perhaps less effective than it once was, but we've had a few cycling-related funnies brought to our attention already. We'll try to post more as we get them but here are the top ones so far...
Fat Lad at the Back launch Mario Chipolata bike range.
The new range will be made specifically for the large rider. Chipolata is known for his superior pie-to-weight ratio and chalking up over 200 victories including the Flan Remo and twelve Tour de Pub stage wins.
Dure-Verse 12.5 speed
Online retailer Tredz have entered the groupset market with the latest drivesteain technology. Dure-Verse 12 speed lets you pedal backwards if you miss a turning and will "change your world".
Every citizen gets a free bike in Auckland
Would actually be a great idea if true, but bikeauckland.nz reports that the original $900m earmarked for walking and cycling infra would instead be dished out in the form of a new bike for everyone. A source said: "Look, it totally makes sense when you think about it. We’ve been operating in good faith with the idea that ‘if you build it, they will come’ – which works if you actually, you know, build it.’
"It’s just taking sooooo long. And we have a growing climate crisis to address. Hence the logic of doing it the other way around. As operators like Lime and OnzO have demonstrated, if you give people the gear, they’ll ride. And then you can build it if you need to."
Wiggle launch performance-enhancing spokey dokeys
No longer just a kids accessory from years gone by, the spokey dokey has now made a comeback in the form of a carbon fibre performance-enhancing tool, and there is also a Brexit range for those brave enough to discuss politics on the bike. Olympic cyclist Dani Rowe says: “Cyclists across the UK now have another way to express their personality to other cyclists even while they’re desperately sucking in as much oxygen as possible on the most gruelling of climbs. What’s more, since using the ‘Carbon Pro’ Spokey Dokey I’ve gone faster for longer, it really is a must have.”
Not an April fool...
Utterly disgusting, typical @CambsCC car-supremacy. Big wide road for motorists to drive at high speed, next to crumbling path with obnoxious and illegal exclusionary barriers for people walking and cycling. A1301 Hinxton. pic.twitter.com/p7kOZIKzz5
— bostonian_abroad (@walking_boston) March 31, 2019
Just some really bad infra courtesy of Cambridgeshire County Council.
Does Ventoux get boring too?
If you lived at the foot of Mont Ventoux, would you bother riding up it often? I remember chatting to a couple of riders from Bedouin cycling club, as I was preparing to climb it. They said they hadn’t been up for years. Is it a bit like Londoners visiting the Tower of London? pic.twitter.com/v9bKjNk1oq
— Ned Boulting (@nedboulting) March 31, 2019
Like a certain well-known gradient in Surrey, do Ventoux locals actually get bored of the famous cycling climb at their disposal?