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All today's news from the site and beyond as we start a new week.....

Welcome to your Monday live blog, with Jack Sexty, Simon MacMichael and the rest of the team. 

Live blog: 

01/04/2019, 19:05

Dan Martin has his Garmin stolen while picking himself up from crash

Poor show

01/04/2019, 17:54

Please can we just stop now…!

Okay, this does looks sort of cool

01/04/2019, 16:59

In other Jeremy Vine news… here's his April Fool

Did they bite?
Let's just say that Jeremy clearly knows his viewers and twitter followers well enough to know how to make their knees jerk so fast they don't have time to remember what the date is.

Shame it's not true though.

01/04/2019, 16:43

Jeremy Vine hit by "untidy" right hook

Last week, as readers of the blog, and followers of Jeremy Vine on Twitter, will know he was almost left hooked by a cab, this week a London motorist actually made contact when right hooking the broadcaster in manoeuvre he described as “untidy” in a bravura piece of understatement. Last week Twitter divided as to how culpable Vine was in contributing to the left hook near miss there’s no doubt that the driver was completely at fault in this case. 

01/04/2019, 13:56

April fools - Air Fom

5 tech products that actually aren't April Fools

The guys and girls at off-road.cc list the products that could be suspected as an April Fools joke at first glance....

5 tech products that actually aren't April Fools

01/04/2019, 13:28

Oxford Radcliffe Camera.jpg

Oxford to get “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone … and dockless unicycle hire

The Oxford Mail has been getting in on the April Fool’s Day fun this morning with not one but two cycling-related spoof stories on its website.

First off is the news that the city of dreaming spires is to get what is billed as the “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone (they clearly haven’t heard of Public Space Protection Orders).

Meanwhile, Oxford is also reported to be getting a dockless unicycle hire scheme, to be operated by a company called LOFO (geddit???!!!), with a  spokesman saying: “Having seen the problems the other companies have had with people chucking their bikes in the rivers, we have come up with an ingenious solution – our unicycles floats, so our staff will be able to collect them using big nets."

01/04/2019, 12:36

Stanley Johnson says licensing system for cyclists is "a crazy idea"

Whatever your views on his son's contribution to the Brexit process (who is often seen cycling around London himself), Johnson snr did a reasonably good job of discrediting professional rabble rouser Piers Morgan on the subject of compulsory licensing for cyclists, appearing on Good Morning Britain earlier. Morgan also appeared to get confused with the differences between travelling on foot and pedalling a bicycle during the debate, describing cyclists as "invisible people marching around anonymously on your bikes". 

01/04/2019, 12:58

New radio show Saddled starts today on Radio Scotland at 1.30pm

New comedy focuses on the adventures of the dysfunctional Easy Riders cycling club. 

01/04/2019, 12:24

Ribble's new electric track bike - guaranteed hour record beater

The eLiminator "was developed to beat the Hour Record by 10 seconds", delivering 250W of power to get you out of the starting gates in a flash.

01/04/2019, 12:18

Haven't we seen something like this before?

We reckon USE may have found excerpts from a certain bike brand's cutting room floor to get inspiration for their April Fool's effort (the name of that bike rhymes with 'fail' to give you an idea). 

01/04/2019, 11:57

Game-changing iThirst bottle cage from Vel transmits your fluid levels via Bluetooth

 

vel-smartplus-bottlecage

The £80 cage includes a free three-month subscription to VEL's AquaFlo App (£12.99 per month then-after), which learns your hydration requirements and suggests sipping intervals based on your effort and the environmental temperature. When the volume of the bottle dips below 250ml, nearby trusted rehydration stations will be suggested on your head unit (we're hoping somewhere with nice cold beers).  
Before long climbs or starred segments, your head unit will suggest shedding the required amount of liquid so you can go for a PB with just enough hydration on the bike and no extra weight. 

It's currently "not quite ready for production" if you click to buy on Sigma's website. We're hoping it will be shipping out by April 1st next year though...

01/04/2019, 11:31

Ouch!

The season is going from bad to worse for CCC rider Simon Geschke before it's even really started. Speedy recovery Simon... 

01/04/2019, 08:56

April the 1st round-up - some of the top banter we've received so far

In topsy-turvy 2019 April Fool's is perhaps less effective than it once was, but we've had a few cycling-related funnies brought to our attention already. We'll try to post more as we get them but here are the top ones so far...

Fat Lad at the Back launch Mario Chipolata bike range. 

mario chipolata.PNG

The new range will be made specifically for the large rider. Chipolata is known for his superior pie-to-weight ratio and chalking up over 200 victories including the Flan Remo and twelve Tour de Pub stage wins. 

Dure-Verse 12.5 speed

Online retailer Tredz have entered the groupset market with the latest drivesteain technology. Dure-Verse 12 speed lets you pedal backwards if you miss a turning and will "change your world". 

Every citizen gets a free bike in Auckland 

Bike locks

Would actually be a great idea if true, but bikeauckland.nz reports that the original $900m earmarked for walking and cycling infra would instead be dished out in the form of a new bike for everyone. A source said: "Look, it totally makes sense when you think about it. We’ve been operating in good faith with the idea that ‘if you build it, they will come’ – which works if you actually, you know, build it.’

"It’s just taking sooooo long. And we have a growing climate crisis to address. Hence the logic of doing it the other way around. As operators like Lime and OnzO have demonstrated, if you give people the gear, they’ll ride. And then you can build it if you need to."

Wiggle launch performance-enhancing spokey dokeys

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No longer just a kids accessory from years gone by, the spokey dokey has now made a comeback in the form of a carbon fibre performance-enhancing tool, and there is also a Brexit range for those brave enough to discuss politics on the bike. Olympic cyclist Dani Rowe says: “Cyclists across the UK now have another way to express their personality to other cyclists even while they’re desperately sucking in as much oxygen as possible on the most gruelling of climbs. What’s more, since using the ‘Carbon Pro’ Spokey Dokey I’ve gone faster for longer, it really is a must have.” 

01/04/2019, 08:45

Not an April fool...

Just some really bad infra courtesy of Cambridgeshire County Council. 

01/04/2019, 08:42

Does Ventoux get boring too?

Like a certain well-known gradient in Surrey, do Ventoux locals actually get bored of the famous cycling climb at their disposal? 

After cobbling together a few hundred quid during his student days off the back of a hard winter selling hats (long story), Jack bought his first road bike at the age of 20 and has been hooked ever since. He joined road.cc in 2017 having previously being Staff Writer at 220 Triathlon magazine, and reports on all things tech as well as editing road.cc's live blog. He is also the news editor of our electric-powered sister site eBikeTips. Jack's preferred events are time trials, sportives, triathlons and pogo sticking (the latter being another long story), and on Sunday afternoons he can often be found on an M5 service station indulging in his favourite post-race meal of 20 chicken nuggets, a sausage roll, caramel shortbread and a large strawberry milkshake.