Ah, Assos. Like Stella Artois, reassuringly expensive. Even multi-millionaires have pause to reflect if this picture of Lord Sugar at the Cycle Show at Earls Court yesterday is anything to go by.
But what was the Amstrad supremo and star of TV’s The Apprentice really thinking? Over to you, road.cc users, to supply the caption… we can’t stretch to providing Assos kit as a prize, but there’s a road.cc t-shirt up for grabs for the best entry come Tiffin time on Monday.
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Why is the Cube Litening Aero, The Specialized Tarmac and the Van Rysel RCR-PRo marked with a (TBC) pricetag but the Canyon Aeroad isnt considering the teams will no doubt ALL be riding the new as of yet unreleased CFR? The price of a currently superceded (as far as the pro peloton are concerned) looks cheap but its a 2 year old model. The new one is as unreleased as the other 3 bikes.
Wow, if anything shows the utter contempt for customers is this shower. A Gravel specific helmet. Really? Does it only work on gravel or do I need to consider swapping on those occasions I'm on tarmac? Gravel bike? ok Gravel tyres? Sure Gravel Helmet? You're taking the pi$$ now. But were that not ludicrous enough, I love the pros and cons: Oval head fit Not a mushroom No extra Mips weight Integrated and removable rear light Easily removable pads Oval head fit No Mips Buy it cos its oval but don't cos its oval, and the has and hasn't got MIPS is a +/- point. When will they introduce gravel specific bib shorts for reviewers who like to sit on the fence?
Bruyneel calls for UCI to stick to doing dubious deals - like the good old days, eh Johan?
Smaller teams in order to rein in the winning capacity of the only rider capable of making and sticking solo attacks from 80 km plus, not sure we've thought this one through, have we sir? The only way at the moment the team size could affect Pogacar is if you reduce the size of his team and let everyone else keep the status quo.
Maybe so, but I'm not clear how that leads to being a superhuman being part of the 'spirit of the ride'.
@mdavidford You don’t have to be a superhuman to ride it Riding up there, where there's generally only one road, as a tourist is going to be a massive-campervan-horrorshow since the whole route has been TikTok-ed. Unless you go in January.
This sort of box is not for the people who want to go touring (I used to take a bag and bury it as near as possible to the airport), but if I were to require this type this is the one I would get. My daughter's experience when cycling the Lofotens last year is that UK baggage handlers (in Manchester at least) are likely to be of the fashionable Mail/ Telegraph/ Clarkson/ Reform cyclist-hating persuasion and will destroy a bike if at all possible. Don't they just see this type of box as a challenge and simply put it at the bottom and hurl everything else on top of it? The comments of actual users above suggest that this is not always the case!
@mdavidford Whereas Kittelgrams are measured in retired German sprinters.
The Ventoux is just too large to ship using "send my Bag" which use DHL, this will be the same problem for all shipping Agents using DHL, I'm not sure because I lost their quote but I think Ship To Cycle may be OK Had no problems flying the Ventoux with Emirates
Still happening in 2026 to women too? I don’t think this is a small thing and this is a safe place to anyone. I am going to avoid it from now on.
55 thoughts on “Friday Caption Competition”
I’m fired?
I’m fired?
at least the assos gal shaves
at least the assos gal shaves her pits
“So I’m
“So I’m thinking…Amsos.”
“Err, No.”
Or the Assos guy thinking
Or the Assos guy thinking
“Wait ’til I tell everyone that I met Sid James in London…”
“Ive got a £7k pinarello
“Ive got a £7k pinarello prince yet I still got chauffeured here – Im fired”
“Hmmm, not sure how ‘aero’
“Hmmm, not sure how ‘aero’ that bibshorts + scarf + handbag combo the girl is wearing is, but on the other hand it would compliment my beard…”
Lord Sugar………..
Lord Sugar………..
B-)
Jesus this guys boring!
Jesus this guys boring!
Assos girl looked much better
Assos girl looked much better in the posters…in person she’s a real munter!
I told you Karen Brady would
I told you Karen Brady would look better in the black.
Red tie: “How many more times
Red tie: “How many more times ? Donkeys are 2 stands to the right and mules 3 to the left.”
Lord Sugar “Dumb assoses.” 😉
You’re tired!
You’re tired!
Assos: Sponsor Yourself(tm)
Assos: Sponsor Yourself(tm) “So; If I go any buy the Tate Modern…..And Lyle Scottish Knitwear I could Be sponsored by some poorly designed scottish knitwear to ride my Pinarello in?”
I don’t like bullshitters, I
I don’t like bullshitters, I don’t like schmoozers.
Successful brands beginning
Successful brands beginning with A..
So, will this make my bum
So, will this make my bum look big?
no buy one get one free were
no buy one get one free were the deal
just how moronic can i make
just how moronic can i make the apprentices look in this gear…..
The Assos rep tells Sir Alan
The Assos rep tells Sir Alan where to stick his Chamois cream!
And you are sure this is more
And you are sure this is more expensive than the Rapha kit I saw Peter Jones in?
Hmmm… I wonder if I could
Hmmm… I wonder if I could get my apprentices all in lycra?
Someone tell him he’s fired
Someone tell him he’s fired he’s boring the nuts off me.
Wonder if griffo will swap me
Wonder if griffo will swap me a an amstrad computor for a bunch of assos and a new pinarello?
Asos guy says,
“Yeah, Rapha’s
Asos guy says,
“Yeah, Rapha’s for the cheapskates”
red tie: “We aren’t looking
red tie: “We aren’t looking for any investment. We are suggesting that you Sponsor Yourself”
“Hmmm… just the one CCTV
“Hmmm… just the one CCTV camera up there… nicking those bikes tonight will be a piece of cake”
How the hell did he get up
How the hell did he get up there on fixed.
Sugar says that Assos is
Sugar says that Assos is sweet!!
having Karen Brady on your
having Karen Brady on your shoulder does NOT impress me
Those size ‘s’ shorts should
Those size ‘s’ shorts should fit me just fine
‘I wanna ride my bike until I
‘I wanna ride my bike until I get home…’
But which bike? And which home?
£400 for a shirt? – get
£400 for a shirt? – get overyourself! – I can knock them out, from the same factory, for £200 – your not seeing the big picture – AMSCloth / AMSbike. I’ll have it. You’re retired!!!
or
so your saying that if I buy the white shorts people will be able to see what a big assos I am?
Alan thinking “mmm would I
Alan thinking “mmm would I look good in the yellow or red bibs?”
The Bald chap “Eh, Sir Alan would you please say, your fired!, pretty please”
Ohhhh that Shutt VR stuff
Ohhhh that Shutt VR stuff over there is nice.
After Lord Sugar looks at the
After Lord Sugar looks at the Assos girl
“I’d ride the assos that!”
I am in it to win it
“So
I am in it to win it B-)
“So that jersey costs more than one of my green screen pcs did eh? ”
is this the real life is this
is this the real life is this just fantasy ,caught in a landslide no escape from reality ,im just a poor boy etc etc etc
Assos? I liked it so much I
Assos? I liked it so much I bought the company!
Kiss my Assos.
Kiss my Assos.
So if I buy Assos I can look
So if I buy Assos I can look like Spartacus?”
“well, erm…”
You said you’d try it if pigs
You said you’d try it if pigs flew.
Mmmm, I wonder what freebies
Mmmm, I wonder what freebies I can cadge from the Assos stand. 😉
” All this assos stuff is
” All this assos stuff is rather tarty.. maybe i shal give up my drainpipe jeans, checked shirt and full sleeve tattoos..!!”
Do you know where i can get
Do you know where i can get some performance enhancing steak?
I’m worth £830 million and
I’m worth £830 million and yet I can only afford to buy 2 ASSOs shirt and a pair of leg warmers!????
Oh yes Sir Alan at these
Oh yes Sir Alan at these prices even a munter like you will look bo! 👿
Even a dose of (Lord) Sugar
Even a dose of (Lord) Sugar can’t take the sting out of the Assos prices!
You really *shouldn’t* do
You really *shouldn’t* do that sort of thing wearing lycra.
BORE OFF SMOOZER!
I COULD
BORE OFF SMOOZER!
I COULD CYCLED FROM HACKNEY TO CHIGWELL WHILE YOU’VE BEEN PRATTLING ON!!!!!!!
I understand this is nice
I understand this is nice gear, but the tut on the Altura stand over there looks the bloody same to me…
“You any good with computers,
“You any good with computers, only………………..”
Bloody hell, I said ‘jump to
Bloody hell, I said ‘jump to it’ not through it.
How much for that gay Buck
How much for that gay Buck Rogers cycling top?
I’m sorry mate but Margaret
I’m sorry mate but Margaret still looks ridiculous even if it is an Assos skinsuit.
“I’ll call her a cow… no
“I’ll call her a cow… no wait… a lying cow, yeah, that’s it: a stuck-up, lying cow. Now where’s that bleedin’ midget I was leanin’ on…?”