Fetch it yourself, I'm not your dogsbody

GooseyLoosey at Mumsnet writes:

DH likes bikes. Not like a normal person might but in the way that a train spotter likes trains. This has caused some tension over the years but I try to rise above it. DH has over 20 bikes in various states of partial dismemberment. He yearns to buy more "vintage bikes" (aka rubbish) all of the time and spends hours looking at pictures on e-bay. It is quite sad really.

Yesterday he runs into the kitchen telling me he had found a bike with the perfect 1950s cranks on that he had been looking for for months…

It transpires that Darling Husband wishes GooseyLoosey to collect the bike – apparently superfluous to the cranks – and, at no small inconvenience to herself (except perhaps in the larger scheme of a relationship with give and take), bring it home.

Further, DH is alleged to have suggested that his request be put to the Am I Being Unreasonable jury at Mumsnet. If true, this is either an act of breathtaking bravery, or evidence that he should be found not guilty of unreasonableness by reason of insanity.

What follows is a predictable massacre, in a battlefield one pictures strewn with rusty treasures from eBay. Fortunately the famous Mumsnet cry "LTB! [Leave The Bastard!]" stops short at Leave The Bike. 

His current collection of 20+ bikes in full or part is said to reside "in the cellar, the loft and the shed." These are traditional male territories due to their historical grubby undesirableness, though you can't blame GooseyLoosey for feeling outflanked.

going with the military metaphor again

Unless it's part of a master plan to cause tension then offer to 'relieve' it, DH should really know better than to try to encroach on the kitchen. (Having said that, Mrs AG's bike was neighbour to our cooker for years.) And he made a tactical error by asking her to help him maneuvre his prizes into the loft; the main advantage of putting them up there is to hide the true count. Like a normal person.