YouTubers try cycling across England in a straight line... and end up hating Halfords and National Cycle Network; 250 miles, 10,500m of climbing and 50 leg-shredding hills — Yorkshire cyclist's "mad" day out; Workplace bike sheds + more on the live blog

You've heard of Land's End to John O'Groats, but what about cycling the length of England in a straight line? Well, that's exactly what this intrepid band of YouTubers attempted to do.

When we say 'straight line' there is of course some wriggle room... riding a bicycle in a perfectly straight line over roads, farmers' fields, rivers and other bodies of water, inhospitable terrain, and people's property doesn't sound like a great idea, but the Fieldhouse Boys channel appears to have invented a form of "deviation range" to ensure their ride is challenging enough to be worthy of its straight-line title, but still ultimately doable.

In the end this means a highly watchable highlights reel of a group of lads flogging themselves in a straight enough line along roads, bridleways and some quite disgusting sections of unpaved off-roading, all while riding rapidly disintegrating and heavy machines. No top-of-the-class lightweight steeds here, just crumbling brake pads, buckled wheels, and cracked rims (WARNING: Contains bike abuse, viewer discretion advised)...

In a true welcome to the live blog, the YouTubers ended up in a frustration-fuelled rant about the National Cycle Network when met with another kissing gate halting their progress... "It's supposed to be National Cycle Network, they've got all these stupid kissing gates in... what a waste of time..."

And, in a second rite of passage, they were then treated to an unsuccessful trip to Halfords although, in fairness to Halfords and the lone mechanic faced with the battered bikes, it wasn't exactly the quickest of new parts and an easy Sunday afternoon tune-up they were after between this, the buckled rim, lack of braking, and drivetrain issues...

And fair play for achieving this level of brake pad wear in the name of entertainment... 

Top comment under the video? "Never seen someone so excited to arrive at Halfords, the level of disappointment whilst leaving is about standard though."

Some sage advice in the next most popular one: "At this point you should've just purchased a whole new bike off Marketplace in the next large town you were going through."

Other amusing thoughts: "As a proper bike enthusiast, the noises and 'play' (being generous with word choice here) from some major components will give me nightmares, especially that wheel and how loose that cassette was! Fair play for soldiering on! Bold!"

"Same here. I can't help but think that this whole thing would've been way more enjoyable for them if they hadn't gotten bikes of which quite literally every component is f****d."

"Hello fellow cyclists. It has been torture watching. Somebody please donate these guys some bikes."

I guess we'll all be back next week to see how they're getting on...

 

 

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A post shared by Salsa Cycles (@salsacycles)

Want to know how to get tens of your Instagram followers to comment saying they're never buying one of your bikes again? For reasons we're yet to work out, it turns out a bike brand collabing with a drag queen gets some people very very angry.

"Came for the snowflakey comments from the insecure man babies, wasn't disappointed. Lighten up, Francine!" was the first one we found not expressing that sentiment.

Anyway, if you're bored on the walk/bus/train home, or need some procrastinating time once you've cycled/driven home, have a scroll through that comments section... then put your phone away... that's enough social media for today...

Big news! The UCI and Santini are inviting designs from the public for a new competition to "design the UCI World Champion rainbow jersey of the future". The internet obviously assumed this meant whoever wins at the World Championships will be wearing the winning design for the next 12 months, the UCI quickly sending out a second press release clarifying that the winning design will only be created as a one-off unique item by Santini and presented to whoever wins the competition, NOT the World Championships.

That's lucky for you guys because I've got my entry ready and was feeling pretty confident Tadej Pogačar would look great in it...

You can try beat that here, but no hard feelings if they pick mine...

Classic FM presenter Dan Walker is doing a coast to coast, riding from Hull (or Withernsea to be exact) to Liverpool via two 100-mile days, raising money for his station's official charity Global's Make Some Noise. Swinging by his hometown of Sheffield along the way, he's apparently going to be hosting his usual breakfast show on Thursday 3 and Friday 4 October before hitting the road.

Nottingham-based industrial machinery company Daltons Wadkin reports it has experienced a "200 per cent increase in staff cycling to work" since installing a bike shelter that was paid for mainly by the Transforming Cities Fund. 

The 75 per cent funded grant of £14,255 went towards the shelter, as well as two additional electric vehicle charging points, the business saying more staff are cycling than ever, as a result.

"When we heard about the opportunity to apply for a grant with Nottingham City Council, we already had a number of staff who were travelling to work on foot, cycles and in electric vehicles. Following meetings with our staff, there was enthusiasm for more environmentally friendly travel methods if the facilities were available," Alex Dalton said.

"After benefitting from the grant, our new EV chargers are being used by visitors daily, and adding a secure bike shelter has helped spur a 200 per cent increase in staff cycling to work."

No word yet on how easy to use those racks inside the shelter are...

Newham Cyclists, part of the London Cycling Campaign, has urged Thames Water to immediately re-open a cycling and walking route in East London until a safe diversion can be put in place. The Evening Standard reported a key route between Canning Town and the Olympic Park had been gated off by Thames Water and will remain closed for 18 months during works.

Instead of being able to use the Greenway, a four-mile-long paved off-road route, riders will now be sent on a long diversion via busier roads, raising safety and accessibility concerns. Newham Cyclists released the following statement:

As a volunteer group which exists to help more people access cycling, we are disappointed and angered by Thames Water’s and their contractors’ decision to close part of the Greenway, Newham’s only safe and inclusive north-south cycle route, while the diversion route is dangerously busy with car and van traffic. They chose to do this despite us warning them as early as July that this would be unacceptable and unsafe.

The result is that people who use the Greenway—from children and families cycling to school or the park, to dog-walkers, to workers at Newham Hospital—are being forced onto a narrow bridge at Abbey Road DLR with fast and heavy traffic. Cars and vans speed and emerge suddenly due to poor sight lines, which is a major collision risk. Some drivers are impatient, intimidating cyclists by revving and passing too close. Many people cycling, particularly children, are riding on the pavement in fear; the pavement is much too narrow for pedestrians as it is.

We have been inundated with messages from Greenway users reporting frightening encounters on the diversion. We think it is only a matter of time before someone is hurt, or worse.

Now here's a big old bike ride...

Just the 50 climbs for Steve Eastwood during this monster ride raising money for Holme Valley Mountain Rescue Team. That's all 50 of Richard Facey's 'Facey Fifty' — a collection of climbs in the Colne and Holme Valleys near Huddersfield. Now, for anyone not familiar with this part of the world, we're talking steep, leg-shredding, double-digit bergs... 11%, 14%, 14%, 10%, 11%, 11%, 10%... etc. etc.... and that's just some of the average gradients. We're sure Steve had to endure plenty of even more horrific ramps too.

Steve's JustGiving page is at 92 per cent of his £5,000 target, raising money for Holme Valley Mountain Rescue Team. The challenge to ride all 50 in one ride has been done before, by Ed Wolstenholme, so Steve "needed to go a few steps further" and opted to ride all the climbs in sequential order, only descending back to the valleys via any road once and only making U-turns twice, at Castle Hill and Holme Moss.

"All other climbs will see me loop round via a different descent or looping around roads near the top of the climb just completed," he explained prior to the big ride, concluding, "This'll be mad, can't believe I'm doing it..." 

"It's the equivalent of riding from Huddersfield to London, while also climbing over Ben Nevis and Everest," Steve said. "Motivation? I like a challenge... driven by the challenge of Dick [Richard Facey] saying, 'if you ever ride all these in one go I'll give you 20 quid'.

"Now, being a member of mountain rescue, we might as well raise some money for a good cause, and it's one heck of a good cause." 

It most certainly is. Chapeau, Steve, our legs hurt just looking at that one...