Right then, we’re the world’s leading bike magazine, because it says so on the cover, even though we’re aware that it doesn’t actually mean anything it sounds pretty good.

Anyway, it’s the annual "Buyer’s Guide" issue and that’s quite a big deal so we need a smart bike for the cover, make it a road bike as they’re the big thing at the moment, no-one’s buying mountainbikes any more, make it a fast and expensive one and make it Italian, that’ll make it seem exclusive and exotic and aspirational.

Now, if you could just photograph it from the wrong side please that would be a fabulous schoolboy error and cast doubt over the validity of the contents perfectly. And while you’re there, make sure there’s some ahead spacers above the stem so we look like complete amateurs, that would be great. Thanks.

Fail squared.