Here's our pick of 18 things that we reckon most cyclists have said at some time or other. Are we right or wrong? And what have we missed off our list? Let us know down below.
• How much does it weigh?
Cyclists as a species are obsessed by weight. Bikes, components, accessories, themselves… I mean, how much difference can a carbon-fibre headset spacer or titanium bottle cage bolt actually make?
• Don’t tell me what happened in the Tour, I’m watching the highlights later.
It’s like that episode of the Likely Lads where Terry and Bob don’t want to know the result of the big match before it’s shown on TV. Spoiler alert! Chris Froome won.
Marcel Kittel wins Stage 1 of the 2014 Tour de France (picture Welcome to Yorkshire)
• I’m on a recovery ride.
This is a phrase you save for those occasions when another rider catches you up on the road. Alternatives would be, “This is my third century ride of the week”, and, “I’m just recovering from knee reconstruction surgery.”
• My bike has broken, can you come and pick me up?
It’s tragic to see a grown man/woman grovelling on the phone when things go irreparably wrong.
• My chain slipped.
A handy excuse if you get dropped on a climb. Yes, people will suspect you’re lying, but they can’t prove it, can they?
• I went out at the weekend and bonked.
Remember that this has a very different meaning to non-cyclist friends.
• Did you damage the bike?
The first question you ask when a friend tells you they crashed.
• How far is it to the top?
If you’re asking, you’re hanging.
• Is it carbon-fibre?
There’s a school of thought in cycling that says carbon-fibre is good, other stuff is less good.
• I know a short cut.
Do you though? Or do you just think you do?
• How much did you say it weighs, again?
Obsessed.
• Do you have a spare energy bar?/ Can I have some of your water?
You try to ask in the most matter-of-fact voice possible, but your legs are shot to bits.
• Is it ANT+ compatible?
Heart rate monitors, power meters, cadence sensors, turbo trainers… If it’s not on speaking terms with a Garmin, the cycling world doesn’t want to know.
• Do you have a chain tool/ Torq wrench/ 2.5mm Allen key handy?
Be prepared. That’s what they taught you in the Cubs/Brownies.
• Is there a shop/garage near here?
What have you forgotten this time?
• Campagnolo is way better than Shimano.
Or vice versa. Or SRAM is way better than either. Blah, blah, blah!
• It’s what Team Sky use.
You think your better half will accept this as a reason for spending £200 on a pair of sunglasses? You’re wrong.
• Do you know where we are?
What did we leave out? Let us know the other things that should be on our list.
73 thoughts on “18 things that cyclists say”
what if you genuinely have
what if you genuinely have just recovered from major knee surgery?
ive never heard anyone say it who hasnt actually had knee surgery.
bit insensitive…
spasypaddy wrote:what if you
Mate from the village broke his arm in a cat related crash a month ago, and has just gone up Ventoux with said arm in a cast.
Serious respect….
spasypaddy wrote:what if you
How’s the recovery going?
“This is my winter bike” when
“This is my winter bike” when you are riding your Halfords own brand Carrera next to a guy with a Cervelo.
Maliciously by me as I
Maliciously by me as I overtook a serious cyclist (team Lycra, carbon, 11 speed cassette, etc.) whilst on a Fixie wearing shorts and a T-shirt
“I would have thought you would have been quicker up this hill. What with all those gears and things!”
His response between gasps was sadly unrepeatable. =))
levermonkey wrote:Maliciously
Not been on a while and now realise why.
What is it about so many cyclists that compels them to come up with this kind of nonsense. Aggressive-aggressive, insecurity driven, anti-social guff.
A reminder never to trust a man who is the hero of his own anecdote.
I love cycling…. cyclists, not so much.
Jasonahewitt
Not been on a while and now realise why.
What is it about so many cyclists that compels them to come up with this kind of nonsense.— levermonkey
Because it’s a competitive sport, not group therapy?
abudhabiChris
Not been on a while and now realise why.
What is it about so many cyclists that compels them to come up with this kind of nonsense.— Jasonahewitt
Because it’s a competitive sport, not group therapy?— levermonkey
1. Cycling is not just a competitive sport, there are all sorts of other kinds of cycling as well. In case you hadn’t noticed.
2. I thought the ‘competitive’ part applied to trying to go faster than others, not trying to be superior by putting them down.
3. I was under the impression that the ‘sport’ part included being ‘sporting’, i.e. treating your competitors with respect. Trying to go faster than them doesn’t include insulting them as people.
4. ‘Group therapy’ does not involve just being nice, in fact if you knew anything at all about it you’d know how vicious it can be.
=
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“If it’s not on Strava it
“If it’s not on Strava it didn’t happen”
“Look who was KOM on Zwift
“Look who was KOM on Zwift last night”
“morning/afternoon” (delete
“morning/afternoon” (delete as appropriate)
as you casually breeze past a person on a climb, especially if their bike cost 4 times what yours did.
That oh so unsubtle put down.
Maggers
Guilty. 👿
Maggers
Guilty too – most memorably past a guy on a much more expensive bike, wearing team jersey and sky shorts who was clearly “in the zone” and I had my gloves off, jersey undone and my helmet hanging on my bars.
Mind you, I then had to really keep it up to make sure he didn’t catch me all the while looking nonchalant!
Maggers
Variant: Asking a mountain biker if they want to swap bikes as you’re passing them on a ~15% slope.
Maggers
In the Chambers dictionary of cycling, the definition of “morning” is: “bit slow today, aren’t we?”
Have actually used the knee
Have actually used the knee surgery one, but then again I was recovering from knee surgery.
My normal responses to those that breeze past me is:
A) I go better in a head wind (sort of true if your built more like Magnus Bacstead than Marco Pantani)
or
B) I take my Lanterne Rouge training seriously.
A mate of mine knows loads of
A mate of mine knows loads of shortcuts. Can easily cut off 5 miles of riding when you’re tired or running short of time. Granted, it goes over a 20% climb, but it’s still a shortcut, right?
Whoever took my legs, please
Whoever took my legs, please give them back!
I’m not racing you.
If you insist on sitting on my wheel for so long, I’m going to insist on farting..
All the the gear. All the idea. But not the legs today!
And the classic, bike shop line;
Ooo new shiny thing, I want one. What does it do?
I, as a cyclist, don’t say
I, as a cyclist, don’t say any of those things.
I do say;
‘Hello, how’s it going?’
‘Where are you off to?
‘Do you want some company?’
‘Nice bike’
‘No worries, I’m not racing’
‘Have you been that way?’
‘I watch the highlights, but I’m not that bothered’
‘I know, my wife says the same’
‘About 5 years, but I put a new groupset on this year’
‘Three, two at Uni, one at college’
‘Always windy, but I don’t mind’
…and so on.
(…and where I live, you don’t do that I’m going quicker than you rubbish unless you like getting a slap…)
crikey wrote:(…and where I
Hear hear. People who like to say that sort of thing generally have some sort of insecurity they need to cover up, by trying to make someone else (who they know nothing about) feel bad. An insecurity either related to their own performance, or just plain jealousy at the fact that they can’t have the nice kind of bike someone else has, I’m guessing.
I know who I pity more.
Myself? Even if I’m going past someone on a hard climb, it’s always good to give encouragement, or, more likely, something to let them know people going a bit quicker are suffering too! (“I’m sure someone keeps adding a bit on to the end”, “Either I’m getting slower or this is getting steeper” etc. etc.).
crikey wrote:I, as a cyclist,
Well said +1
I wouldnt dare say any of
I wouldnt dare say any of those to anyone id met on the road….
Well worn cycling phrases?
Well worn cycling phrases? Usually screamed in rage/panic at dozy drivers;
“Hey! Are you fucking blind you c**t!”
“too close you c**t!”
My favourite one is a pithy,
My favourite one is a pithy, “f**k me!”, as yet another vehicle passes me far too closely.
Want shiny thing
Want shiny thing
HalfWheeler my epithet of
HalfWheeler my epithet of choice is either halfwit or fcukwit depending on to or from work commute.
On the other end of the
On the other end of the “”morning/afternoon” (delete as appropriate)
as you casually breeze past a person on a climb…” exchange, I am often heard saying, “……..(gasp)………urgh?!”
Just watch the famous YouTube
Just watch the famous YouTube vid! Sh*t cyclists say! always cracks me up! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMCkuqL9IcM
Saying good morning to Club
Saying good morning to Club Kit Wankers and Aldi Warriors as I effortlessly pass them on a climb resplendent in some box fresh Rapha on my limited edition C59 and leave them with a view of my clean shaven, mahogany brown calves while they carry their massive chips across their shoulders. Sucks to be you eh.
iamelectron wrote:Saying good
“[T]heir massive chips” ? Winner of this years Tragic Irony Trophy I feel (unless i’m missing the humour tags), and a strong contender for each year thereafter. That honorific should look good on stationary and so forth.
iamelectron wrote:Saying good
Froomey stop showing off :))
iamelectron wrote:Saying good
Overheard in the Rapha Marketing dept:
“Look lads, there’s actually people who fall for all that “I Am Superior” shit we peddle! Its even got 5 likes!! Whack another £50 on the bib-shorts, they’ll pay it.”
I’d actually be in favour of
I’d actually be in favour of road.cc not giving the game away by not putting details in the grand tour news item headlines and just calling it “(date) at the giro/tour/vuelta). Otherwise I have to quickly scroll down if I haven’t already watched the highlights.
“No one likes a showoff” as a
B-) “No one likes a showoff” as a rider cruises past me going up a hill.
“Where are we riding today”? The usual pre ride conference.
“Oh I don’t mind going the shorter route” Coz I’m knacked anyway but trying not to show it.
“No, I’ll get this coffee, you bought the last one”
Et Al. B-)
Using the phrase “inhaling a
Using the phrase “inhaling a banana” with a completely straight face.
This thread makes me smile
This thread makes me smile and reminds me when i bonked coming back home on a 70 miler a couple of years ago. I passed a guy in his late 50’s on a clapped out mtb worth about 50 quid wearing jeans and a tee shirt. I went by him like he was standing still with still about 20k to go and gave him that subtle “afternoon” greeting that we all know the real meaning of. 5k from home i ran out of juice and willpower on a couple of hills and ended up just spinning at about 60rpm in the second easiest gear. I had nothing left after pushing it too hard early on.
This guy came past me like I was standing still and when i recognised him i just burst out laughing and so did he. What else could i do?
It was one of those Karma moments where you accept the payback gracefully and it kinda makes you lighten up and not take yourself or your cycling too seriously.
“What was the point of
“What was the point of that”
generally when overtaken for 5 seconds to the next red.
Maggers
That’s embarrassing, my ‘morning/afternoon’ is usually intended as a friendly acknowledgement on passing people. Perhaps in future I’d better shut up!
Cyclists say to triathletes
Cyclists say to triathletes “No sleeveless tops allowed”, yet they even have a French word for them, so they must be acceptable to cyclists! Bonjour l’gilet.
Two fingers to the Velominati :H
It’s not a cape, its just a
It’s not a cape, its just a bloody jacket.
As I’m struggling up a climb,
As I’m struggling up a climb, zig zagging just to stay on, breathing out my backside. Some moron shouts ‘on your right’ as they squeeze past.
They can clearly see I’m doing all I can to stay upright and moving to the left is impossible (you know who you all are).
I would reply with a witty comment if my lungs had any spare capacity so me, I say nothing…. ~X(
New club catchphrase is:
“too
New club catchphrase is:
“too pro for a hello”
usually muttered after another rider (usually in London club kit on a Sunday morning) ignores a friendly greeting.
On another point as mentioned above, I normally mean good morning in the traditional sense of the greeting, but then again, maybe I have subconsciously feeling a tiny bit smug at the time, Still nice to be friendly isn’t it.
Its much better than the friendly invitations to:
“jump on the back of the train mate”
as a club ride storms past you up whatever miserable climb you are attempting to summit.
So, we saw Giant Alpecin
So, we saw Giant Alpecin training earlier this year, and they weren’t too pro to say hello, and were even smiley in the car park by the team car. Nice to see, and always nice to be nice.
jaxf wrote:So, we saw Giant
In my experience the nicest people I’ve met cycling are the ones who are also the handiest. They’re not using their bike or kit to make a statement. Around Manchester we often see pro’s out on the road and they’re as decent as anything.
“Oh, this? I’ve had this for
“Oh, this? I’ve had this for ages.”
The best one that I
The best one that I (currently) use to the other half when I want to get a new piece of kit.
“But, yes it is worth it as it will make me ride faster / longer / better*” (*delete as appropriate).
Lance who?
So it’s not 53t
Lance who?
So it’s not 53t then?
So, you’re not actually in Team Sky then? B-)
“Gosh wish I had a fast car”,
“Gosh wish I had a fast car”, when overtaking the line of cars going nowhere on the morning commute.
HOLE!!!!!
HOLE!!!!!
A common saying in Northern
A common saying in Northern Ireland is “Keep ‘er lit”, shouted usually when you:
Others which could be included:
– “Steady” (usually shouted by the person at the back of the ride who’s hanging like a bat)
– “What coffee shop today”
– “So is it real or chinese?”
“No, I’ve had that bike for
“No, I’ve had that bike for at least a couple of years” [complete lie!]
“No, it wasn’t too expensive, it was an absolute bargain – I got 50% off” [50% off a small fortune is still a small fortune!]
“Which bike are you taking?”
“Car back!”
Just look at that view!!
Just look at that view!! (puff puff puff)
Usually heard half way up a hill
Used to use “get off and milk
Used to use “get off and milk it” a lot when we were kids. Seems to have gone out of fashion a bit now and I’m honestly not 100% as to it’s full meaning!
I always say hello if I’m passing someone, but if they are fully kitted i might just give a quick flick of the hand to wave and a nod rather than them thinking I’m passive aggressively besmirching their efforts.
“Am I going ********
“Am I going ******** backwards or what”, as I get dropped on a hill
“Too close!!!” when berating
“Too close!!!” when berating the latest driver to pass me within inches… X( ~X(
SHIT CYCLISTS SAY! (Aussie
SHIT CYCLISTS SAY! (Aussie version..)
Hell, I never realised that
Hell, I never realised that saying ‘good morning/afternoon’ could be taken as anything but for the intended friendly greeting.
I ‘m horrified that I might have been taken for one of those smug, sneering judgmental gits who’ve been boasting on this thread.
Crosshouses wrote:Hell, I
Me too. I only ever intend Good Morning/Afternoon to mean just that. As in isn’t it great to be alive and out on a bike doing something that i enjoy. I say it when passing someone(very rarely) and when being passed (a lot more common).
I also check to see that someone is OK if they are stood by their bike, repairing puncture etc. at the side of the road. Hate to think what that makes them think of me! 🙁
Why is it always a head wind
Why is it always a head wind home?
No parking
No parking
My favourite cycling
My favourite cycling conversation normally goes along the lines of….
Friend “I can’t make the ride on Saturday but Pete can”
Me “Who’s Pete?”
Friend “You know rides with us all the time blond hair about 6 foot”
Me “Nope”
Friend “Rides a white Colnago with Ultegra group”
Me “Oh is that Pete no worries we won’t leave without him”
It’s the whole not knowing the person but recognising the bike…..
jgmacca wrote:My favourite
I recently had a brief chat with another cyclist before parting ways at a junction. The next day I saw a comment on strava from a guy I know from my camera club and a couple of other forums. He had only recognised me when I mentioned my other bike but that was as we parted ways. 😀
jgmacca wrote:My favourite
+1
Quote:It’s the whole not
People who give your bike the once over before deciding that you’re worthy of their conversation.
I’m doing an easy zone 2
I’m doing an easy zone 2 recovery ride.
Is this a training ride?
What do you reckon on Lance then?
Astana, eh? Will they keep their licence?
How much were those Zipps? Any good?
It’s not about the bike.
It’s not about the wheels.
When are you gonna get some new kit?
Those tyres are crap.
Gels make me sick.
I’m not paying that to ride a bloody sportive on public roads.
I did a short 28 on the G17/25 yesterday. PB.
Take the first left up Shagrabbit lane and go past the garage; it’s around there somewhere.
Lend us a quid.
Of course I don’t get out
Of course I don’t get out enough on *this* bike.
They’re not cyclists, they’re
They’re not cyclists, they’re roadie rat Bez looking 8 stone when wet bellers in skimpy lingerie. Don’t forget your rulebook.
“Is my bike OK?”… with
“Is my bike OK?”… with blood streaming from various wounds.
Accidentally took an energy
Accidentally took an energy gel that was 1 year out of date. Tasted like glue and gave me the s**ts…… so just as good as a fresh one!
The Sat Nav said it was this
The Sat Nav said it was this way 🙁
Car Back!
Car Back!
Always said from the back of
Always said from the back of the group: “Up, up up!”