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Six of our favourite anti-cycling rants and complaints from 2017

Extra points for originality and also extreme and wilful unoriginality

Tell you what’s funny: people getting really, disproportionately, practically-bursting-into-tears angry about other people using bicycles – that’s funny.

Okay, it’s not 100 per cent funny – there’s a negative side to it too – but if you can’t extract at least a little joy from frothy-mouthed ranting then you’re in for a tough time.

Here are a few of our favourite anti-cycling rants and complaints from 2017.

The Sun and The Mail mock the Dutch Reach technique based on a video of something completely different

The Dutch Reach is a technique for opening car doors where you use your opposite hand. That’s it. It isn’t any more complex than that.

The Sun and the Mail published a video of a fella leaning out through his car window to open the door and then spoke to a couple of people who were angry about some imagined scenario where they’d be forced to do this.

Maybe it’s time we updated our list of the 10 most hysterical anti-cycling Daily Mail headlines.

Sky's Adam Boulton delivers full-blooded anti-cycling rant in Sunday Times

“Forget about zombies and North Koreans: the cyclists are coming,” began Boulton.

Despite this almost subterranean opening salvo, he somehow managed to descend from there, cherry-picking statistics in a forlorn bid to accuse Cycling UK of… er… cherry-picking statistics.

Rant about flashing front bike lights scrawled on abandoned sofa in Bristol

Bristol sofa flashing light message (cropped, picture courtesy Steven Russell).PNG

Of all this year’s cycling complaints, this was the most specific and the most bizarrely expressed.

US TV host doesn’t give a “rat’s ass” if teenage cyclists get injured

Fox 29 host, Mike Jerrick, gave a young cyclist guest a bizarre on-screen dressing down after hundreds of people rode on a Philadelphia expressway.

“Well, I don’t think anyone really gives a rat’s ass — excuse my language — gives a darn, about if you guys get injured. I think we’re more worried about drivers being injured. All of us being injured, not you.”

Cyclists are “idiots waging war on normality” – Jeremy Clarkson

A predictable appearance from Clarkson. While we’d quite like to disregard his effort for disingenuousness, we can’t help but admire his competence in his chosen field. The man certainly knows his audience.

Sample quote: “The only people who use bikes instead of cars are lunatics who are waging some kind of idiotic war with anyone normal.”

Richard Madeley goes full Partridge at Cycling UK

In many ways, the genius of Richard Madeley is that he isn’t a fictional character. Alan Partridge is a note-perfect embodiment of a certain sort of reactionary everyman. And so is Richard Madeley.

Given half a chance to fly off the handle about whether or not cyclists should be insured, Madeley gratefully accepted it.

Cycling UK invited him on a bike ride because it’s “great for improving your mental wellbeing.”

Alex has written for more cricket publications than the rest of the team combined. Despite the apparent evidence of this picture, he doesn't especially like cake.

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