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So I sked for 'inspiration' back in December or something.  Since then, I can't have cycled into London more than three or four times.   I'm putting on weight and getting more and more down.

I know that this sedentary lifestyle is killing me.  I just don't care.

(and no .. please don't go 'alerting the authorties' or whatnot. I have no intention whatsoever of 'doing something silly')

How in the name of hell am I supposed to get out of this rut?

43 comments

Avatar
Legs_Eleven_Wor... [707 posts] 6 months ago
6 likes

At this point, I'd be heading to see my GP and asking to be referred to whatever mental health authority is competent in your borough.

There is NO shame to this.  

Avatar
brooksby [4839 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

Just tell yourself you have no other transport option, so you HAVE to ride.

That's what I plan to do.  Starting tomorrow...  I will if you will yes 

 

(I had a bad shoulder and a bad foot - both now sorted - and could probably count on one hand the number of times I've ridden in the last six months.  Travelling by bus is a habit I got into, which is annoying, and I've definitely put on weight, but its so darned convenient...  And I need to stop it.).

Avatar
cdean [63 posts] 6 months ago
1 like

I’d second Legs Eleven’s comment.

 

In addition, there are loads of suggestions in this article. I’m a big fan of signing myself up for something that I know I’m going to have to train for. 

 

https://road.cc/content/feature/241522-how-rediscover-your-cycling-mojo-...

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BehindTheBikesheds [3322 posts] 6 months ago
4 likes

Is it the destination/route or the cycling in itself?

If the latter then find somewhere nice to cycle, that avoids as much motor traffic as possible, don't put a speedometer on your bike, setting a target you might not hit means more stress/annoyance, don't worry about how far you've gone, or how fast or gow many times you've stopped.

The better weather will be here and with that it's somewhat easier to have an enjoyable ride. Find something enjoyable to do on the ride halfway round, I sometimes stop for a nice pint about 7 miles from home, sometimes I'll pop in to see a friend for an hour or so, sometimes I'll plan to nip to the supermarket on the way back to buy myself a treat for after the ride. 

Try to enjoy cycling away from commuting/the daily grind, find ways to use your bike that makes you smile, think back to the rides you enjoyed the most, what made those rides enjoyable, replicate that as much as you can.

On rides into the city, set off 10-15 minutes earlier than you might ordinarily, there's no need to treat a commute as a training session, it also means you have more thinking time for scenarios that are stressy (we know what these are!), it might also mean that you can avoid some of the roads that make commuting crap (not guaranteed I know).

Also, in lieu of the exercise, maybe note the points when you're scoffing food you don't need, particular events, times of days etc. Maybe a menu plan might help, make sure you have the right snack foods to hand - I like boiled eggs, I have some peeled in the fridge almost every day, I'll often keep cooked lean bacon or chicken in a container to snack on.

it's always the extra carbs that you're not burning that do the damage IMHO, it's too easy to consume them, you then get the hit and boom, you've overloaded by 500-1000 cals for the day. Do only 500cals over what you need for your basal requirement and your activity for a week and that's almost the equiv of an extra lb in fat stores.

But mainly, try to start to enjoy cycling again, something to make you smile and feel relaxed.

Good luck.

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes
cdean wrote:

I’d second Legs Eleven’s comment.

 

In addition, there are loads of suggestions in this article. I’m a big fan of signing myself up for something that I know I’m going to have to train for. 

 

https://road.cc/content/feature/241522-how-rediscover-your-cycling-mojo-...

I like this idea, but I'm notorious for planning things and then getting into a rut and cancelling. Holidays, dinners, interviews, you name it.

Avatar
Mungecrundle [1541 posts] 6 months ago
4 likes

What worked for me is in recognising small things as victories. Even something mundane like making a cup of tea. Just take a moment to tell yourself you were succesful at that task. Sounds stupid but little changes to your self perception add up. Having made a cup of tea, opening the post and getting rid of the envelopes and junk made what I saw as a big problem reduce to something manageable.

In the same light, and I realise that it might sound either overly simplistic or an insurmountable pain in the arse depending on how much other junk you need to move out of the way first. But get your bike out of the shed or wherever you keep it and give it a bit of a clean. Then ride it down to the end of the road and back. Then leave it in the hallway, then get your cycling kit ready the night before, then get changed into it in the morning and before you know it, you will have tricked yourself back into your old cycling habits.

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Rapha Nadal [1124 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

Yeah, I'd look to make an appointment with your GP over going out for a ride.

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alansmurphy [2248 posts] 6 months ago
10 likes

Sometimes you can't plan and logic your way out of mental wellbeing issues. I was guilty in my youth of thinking people should "snap out of it" and believed that I maintained control of my own destiny.

 

After being mugged and left for dead, stumbling for miles to find help, I began to suffer from PTSD. At first I was very much a "it's happened, can't change it, crack on" on the outside and probably on the inside. Only after the medication kicked out did I find out the following... I wasn't ever getting deep sleep and apparently often 'fighting' and yelling out in my sleep, I'd got massively heightened reflexes and hyper awareness (which in itself is tiring), I was constantly wrestling with self-worth, every plan I made became a stress rather than release as I'd overthink it, brief moments of happiness led me to question their reality or why I couldn't be happy more or even fearful that the pain would come back. A chemical imbalance was happening and all the will in the world couldn't stop it, the drugs could. They didn't solve it, there was still a lot of work to be done but my brain was at least competent enough to begin this process where it wasn't before. There should be no stigma about the medication or the asking for support.

 

As for the cycling, it can be a joy once you have the other things sorted, the more you pressure it to be the 'release;' though the more likelihood you'll feel unfulfilled. As others have said though, perhaps a cycling holiday (different from like mountain if you're a roadie), perhaps visit a track or cycling event, find a group of people of a similar level and have a 'club run' (don't worry about making friends at day one, just use them as motivation to turn up, find a different route etc.).

 

Best of luck, and keep talking even if just with internet muppetts like us!

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
alansmurphy wrote:

Sometimes you can't plan and logic your way out of mental wellbeing issues. I was guilty in my youth of thinking people should "snap out of it" and believed that I maintained control of my own destiny.

 

After being mugged and left for dead, stumbling for miles to find help, I began to suffer from PTSD. At first I was very much a "it's happened, can't change it, crack on" on the outside and probably on the inside. Only after the medication kicked out did I find out the following... I wasn't ever getting deep sleep and apparently often 'fighting' and yelling out in my sleep, I'd got massively heightened reflexes and hyper awareness (which in itself is tiring), I was constantly wrestling with self-worth, every plan I made became a stress rather than release as I'd overthink it, brief moments of happiness led me to question their reality or why I couldn't be happy more or even fearful that the pain would come back. A chemical imbalance was happening and all the will in the world couldn't stop it, the drugs could. They didn't solve it, there was still a lot of work to be done but my brain was at least competent enough to begin this process where it wasn't before. There should be no stigma about the medication or the asking for support.

 

As for the cycling, it can be a joy once you have the other things sorted, the more you pressure it to be the 'release;' though the more likelihood you'll feel unfulfilled. As others have said though, perhaps a cycling holiday (different from like mountain if you're a roadie), perhaps visit a track or cycling event, find a group of people of a similar level and have a 'club run' (don't worry about making friends at day one, just use them as motivation to turn up, find a different route etc.).

 

Best of luck, and keep talking even if just with internet muppetts like us!

Respect, mate. I don't know if I'd ever recover from that!

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

What works for me is making cycling into a habit. If I start thinking about cycling, I find I end up concentrating on the negatives and so the best solution for me is to not think about it as I forget that it's supposed to be fun. The fun aspect is also the grounding aspect - you notice the wind, greenery, glorious sunshine (NOT) and it's all physical sensations leading to a sense of well-being and nothing to do with the brain sticking its oar in and worrying.

However, you've clearly got a problem making it into a habit, so along with seeking help from a GP and others, I'd repeat MungeCrundle's advice. Go for a 5 minute ride with no expectations - don't even necessarily put on all your kit - just pootle around a bit.

On a tangent (nothing to do with bikes) - I wish I could syphon off the energy and enthusiasm that Cliff Stoll has: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k3mVnRlQLU

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ktache [1951 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

I now want either a Klein bottle or some associated merchandise.

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
3 likes
ktache wrote:

I now want either a Klein bottle or some associated merchandise.

.

Avatar
Tommytrucker [130 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

Or a homemade miniature remote control forklift truck.

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ChancerOnABike [68 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes

i would try and speak to a behavioural therapist, usually very practical at changing your behaviours.

after a lazy year last year i set myself a target of 8000kms this year. My commute is 200 a week so keeps me motivated, and always beat myself for getting in the car and spending the same time sat in traffic as i would on the bike.  Having that target seems to be pushing me along nicely.

 

hope you manage to work it out

Avatar
alotronic [633 posts] 6 months ago
4 likes

Big difference between can't get motivated and genuinely depressed. No one can tell you which one you are but you might know at heart. If you are genuinely depressed then any number of approaches *could* work for you (drugs, CBT, talking therapies, everyone's journey here is differnt). Either way take action and share it. No point in suffering in isolation and silence, it will make things worse.

One of the terrible things about depression (long time sufferer, thankfully in the past now) is that it makes you think that you are powerless and that you can't change - both untrue. That you want someone to know is obvious as you have posted here - a good sign. We can nudge you, but you need to get to a doctor or a therapist now. Don't fuck around with this, get onto it and start to find the way through. If you do that you can make the world of difference to yourself and have a great life.  

If it's just a rut then above will sound like overkill, but if you are increasingly down you should at least consider paying for some CBT. You might get some on NHS but it will take a while to sort out. I just bit the bullet and spent the money - about 8 sessions made a huge difference, cost around £600, but well spent - you can't even buy a decent frame for that money  1

 

Avatar
Rick_Rude [331 posts] 6 months ago
1 like

As has been mentioned, doctors first. Get them to run a 'full' blood test and you may find an answer you didn't expect. Mine was an underactive thyroid, it started with my mood first but took my immune system down for a bit as well. I went through  a period of getting hit with everything but after a year or so I'm back to normal so of.  Plenty of things feed into mood though.

Don't be afraid to try different doctors as some are utterly useless. When I was still getting every illness known to man I was literally coughing up blood and one doctor said it was probably just stress! Saw another who did the volumetric test and told me I had a chest infection and put me on a steroid inhaler! In my experience, the older the doctor the less they give a fuck. Go for young chargers.

Avatar
alotronic [633 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
Rick_Rude wrote:

As has been mentioned, doctors first. Get them to run a 'full' blood test and you may find an answer you didn't expect. Mine was an underactive thyroid, it started with my mood first but took my immune system down for a bit as well. I went through  a period of getting hit with everything but after a year or so I'm back to normal so of.  Plenty of things feed into mood though.

Don't be afraid to try different doctors as some are utterly useless. When I was still getting every illness known to man I was literally coughing up blood and one doctor said it was probably just stress! Saw another who did the volumetric test and told me I had a chest infection and put me on a steroid inhaler! In my experience, the older the doctor the less they give a fuck. Go for young chargers.

Agreed... Would add that ultimately my bad times we caused (or made a lot worse) by a physical issue - in my case coeliacs disease. Explore all avenues...

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
cycle.london wrote:

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

I can empathise with feeling "invisible" at work - it's very demotivating. I try to focus on the positive aspects (I can get on with doing what I want, when I want with minimal interference), but it does wear you down. I often fantasise about switching jobs, but on balance, I think I'm better staying where I am as it pays the bills and is easy (for me, anyway).

Having no particular knowledge of doing the Dunwich (though I'm well up on the fictitious Dunwich and their fish-men), I'd state that yes, you most definitely do have enough time to prepare. July is plenty of time.

Avatar
Rick_Rude [331 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes

Not sure I think working from home is the paradise it may initially seem. My wife does it one day a week and when I come home around 3, she's still another 2 hours to go and me and my lad may as well leave anyway as anything we do will annoy her.

Work should be for a workplace.

As has been mentioned, I'd be expected to do everything if I worked from home. I'd rather stay at work.

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
Rick_Rude wrote:

Not sure I think working from home is the paradise it may initially seem. My wife does it one day a week and when I come home around 3, she's still another 2 hours to go and me and my lad may as well leave anyway as anything we do will annoy her.

Work should be for a workplace.

As has been mentioned, I'd be expected to do everything if I worked from home. I'd rather stay at work.

Yeah, I "work" from home one day a week and when my wife was doing different shifts, I'd get annoyed when she tried talking to me when I was "working" ("working" from home always goes into speech marks). What bugged me was that the whole reason that I was "working" from home was to concentrate on tricky jobs without being diverted by office chit-chat and then I'd get even more chit-chat at home. Luckily she's now doing a standard 9-5 shift so it's no longer an issue.

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

I can empathise with feeling "invisible" at work - it's very demotivating. I try to focus on the positive aspects (I can get on with doing what I want, when I want with minimal interference), but it does wear you down. I often fantasise about switching jobs, but on balance, I think I'm better staying where I am as it pays the bills and is easy (for me, anyway).

Having no particular knowledge of doing the Dunwich (though I'm well up on the fictitious Dunwich and their fish-men), I'd state that yes, you most definitely do have enough time to prepare. July is plenty of time.

It's not so much being invisible, as I know that they know when I'm there.  But as I do all that computery, geeky shit, i can do it just as well sitting here in my living room, on the company VPN. I've been seriously tempted to go and rent a small flat in somewhere like Rome, and 'WFH' there, without telling anyone.  I can get back in a day, for any meetings.  But my wife would never go for it. 

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes
HawkinsPeter wrote:
Rick_Rude wrote:

Not sure I think working from home is the paradise it may initially seem. My wife does it one day a week and when I come home around 3, she's still another 2 hours to go and me and my lad may as well leave anyway as anything we do will annoy her.

Work should be for a workplace.

As has been mentioned, I'd be expected to do everything if I worked from home. I'd rather stay at work.

Yeah, I "work" from home one day a week and when my wife was doing different shifts, I'd get annoyed when she tried talking to me when I was "working" ("working" from home always goes into speech marks). What bugged me was that the whole reason that I was "working" from home was to concentrate on tricky jobs without being diverted by office chit-chat and then I'd get even more chit-chat at home. Luckily she's now doing a standard 9-5 shift so it's no longer an issue.

My wife is in love with her fucking work.  She works in the NHS.  The only time we argue is actually because of that.  I'll get a text saying, just leaving, can you pick me up off the whatever train?

So I pop in the shower, feed the cats, get ready to jump in the car, when another text arrives saying sorry, I won't make that train.

Why not?

I bumped into [whomever] in the corridor

So?  You've already done ten fucking hours, say to them that you'll see them tomorrow

I can't do that, she says.

Why the fuck not? I ask.

She'll do a twelve hour shift and then come home and dial into her office VPN to do more whilst we're sitting vegged out in front of the telly.

Maybe that would piss me off less if I were in the office every day.  But to me, I work to pay my part of the mortgage and bills, and to get us some nice cycling holidays every year.  

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
cycle.london wrote:
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

I can empathise with feeling "invisible" at work - it's very demotivating. I try to focus on the positive aspects (I can get on with doing what I want, when I want with minimal interference), but it does wear you down. I often fantasise about switching jobs, but on balance, I think I'm better staying where I am as it pays the bills and is easy (for me, anyway).

Having no particular knowledge of doing the Dunwich (though I'm well up on the fictitious Dunwich and their fish-men), I'd state that yes, you most definitely do have enough time to prepare. July is plenty of time.

It's not so much being invisible, as I know that they know when I'm there.  But as I do all that computery, geeky shit, i can do it just as well sitting here in my living room, on the company VPN. I've been seriously tempted to go and rent a small flat in somewhere like Rome, and 'WFH' there, without telling anyone.  I can get back in a day, for any meetings.  But my wife would never go for it. 

Likewise, I'm doing computery, geeky stuff as well, so I'm only really visible when things stop working - that means that upper management have no idea what I do but have a general feeling that I'm needed.

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

I can empathise with feeling "invisible" at work - it's very demotivating. I try to focus on the positive aspects (I can get on with doing what I want, when I want with minimal interference), but it does wear you down. I often fantasise about switching jobs, but on balance, I think I'm better staying where I am as it pays the bills and is easy (for me, anyway).

Having no particular knowledge of doing the Dunwich (though I'm well up on the fictitious Dunwich and their fish-men), I'd state that yes, you most definitely do have enough time to prepare. July is plenty of time.

It's not so much being invisible, as I know that they know when I'm there.  But as I do all that computery, geeky shit, i can do it just as well sitting here in my living room, on the company VPN. I've been seriously tempted to go and rent a small flat in somewhere like Rome, and 'WFH' there, without telling anyone.  I can get back in a day, for any meetings.  But my wife would never go for it. 

Likewise, I'm doing computery, geeky stuff as well, so I'm only really visible when things stop working - that means that upper management have no idea what I do but have a general feeling that I'm needed.

hah, yeah I know that!  One day, a colleague (previous job) told me that when I had left to cycle home, someone had said, 'What, erm..what exactly does [my name] do?'

'Linux stuff' he said.

'Oh'

And that was that. 

Avatar
BehindTheBikesheds [3322 posts] 6 months ago
5 likes

Is there any way you could do some voluntary work during the day that works around you been at home and the work you're doing there? I've been a volunteer with Age UK for over 16 years, mainly visiting older people in their homes for an hour or so (though I tend to do two hours myself) which can be once a week.

So if you have say an hour where you might not well be needed in the house, maybe an hour entertaining with someone who could do with the company and chat might help kill two birds with one stone? 

I was going through a bad time, had to give up work completely most of it due to a chronic illness but mentally I was bust (not just the illness) and was seemingly in bottomless pit of despair, the voluntary work gave me something to hold onto sanity wise, it was therapy for me whilst helping someone else out.

Also I could cycle there and back and deliver the charities magazines by bike as well, for long periods of time simply just getting to the shops, doing the voluntary work would be the only cycling I'd do in a week, just didn't feel like riding at all but forced myself out to try to build fitness up despite the ongoing health problems.

Everyone's road is different, what works for one may not work for another, being told forcefully you need to do X works for me (so long as it makes logical sense), ex-army so I guess that doesn't bother me, but sometimes when we are mentally not where we want to be we are our own worst enemies motivation wise and can easily slump into a rut that can be hard to pull ourselves out of.

I hope you find your smoother path, be it for cycling or otherwise.

Avatar
hawkinspeter [3906 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes
cycle.london wrote:
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:
HawkinsPeter wrote:
cycle.london wrote:

My heartfelt thanks to everyone who has responded. Called my GP surgery yesterday to be told that their best doctor had moved on elsewhere.  Arse.  I'm going to make an appointment to see someone, though.

One of the things that complicates matters - as I mentioned in my first whiney post about this last year - is that although strictly speaking, I'm 'supposed' to be in the office every day, no one bothers if I'm not.  I had what they call a '1:1' with my boss a couple of months ago.

'Are you in the office today?'

'Erm .. no, I'm at home'

'Yeah, fair enough.   I'm not bothered either way, mate'

That's great.  But it doesn't motivate me to get into the office.

My wife likes it. Well, she's as concerned for my mental health as anyone, but when I'm home all day, every day, it means that the house gets kept clean.  Dishes in the dishwasher, clothes washed and hanging up, work surfaces wiped down.  
 

Anyway, this isn't solving the problem.

I sort of fancy doing the Dunwich this year.  Reckon I have enough time to prepare?

I can empathise with feeling "invisible" at work - it's very demotivating. I try to focus on the positive aspects (I can get on with doing what I want, when I want with minimal interference), but it does wear you down. I often fantasise about switching jobs, but on balance, I think I'm better staying where I am as it pays the bills and is easy (for me, anyway).

Having no particular knowledge of doing the Dunwich (though I'm well up on the fictitious Dunwich and their fish-men), I'd state that yes, you most definitely do have enough time to prepare. July is plenty of time.

It's not so much being invisible, as I know that they know when I'm there.  But as I do all that computery, geeky shit, i can do it just as well sitting here in my living room, on the company VPN. I've been seriously tempted to go and rent a small flat in somewhere like Rome, and 'WFH' there, without telling anyone.  I can get back in a day, for any meetings.  But my wife would never go for it. 

Likewise, I'm doing computery, geeky stuff as well, so I'm only really visible when things stop working - that means that upper management have no idea what I do but have a general feeling that I'm needed.

hah, yeah I know that!  One day, a colleague (previous job) told me that when I had left to cycle home, someone had said, 'What, erm..what exactly does [my name] do?'

'Linux stuff' he said.

'Oh'

And that was that. 

Yeah, I'm a linux admin part of the time and the other part of the time, I do DBA work which largely involves making developers cry.

Avatar
cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
2 likes
BehindTheBikesheds wrote:

Is there any way you could do some voluntary work during the day that works around you been at home and the work you're doing there? I've been a volunteer with Age UK for over 16 years, mainly visiting older people in their homes for an hour or so (though I tend to do two hours myself) which can be once a week.

So if you have say an hour where you might not well be needed in the house, maybe an hour entertaining with someone who could do with the company and chat might help kill two birds with one stone? 

I was going through a bad time, had to give up work completely most of it due to a chronic illness but mentally I was bust (not just the illness) and was seemingly in bottomless pit of despair, the voluntary work gave me something to hold onto sanity wise, it was therapy for me whilst helping someone else out.

Also I could cycle there and back and deliver the charities magazines by bike as well, for long periods of time simply just getting to the shops, doing the voluntary work would be the only cycling I'd do in a week, just didn't feel like riding at all but forced myself out to try to build fitness up despite the ongoing health problems.

Everyone's road is different, what works for one may not work for another, being told forcefully you need to do X works for me (so long as it makes logical sense), ex-army so I guess that doesn't bother me, but sometimes when we are mentally not where we want to be we are our own worst enemies motivation wise and can easily slump into a rut that can be hard to pull ourselves out of.

I hope you find your smoother path, be it for cycling or otherwise.

Thank you for that, I've just had a glance at the Age UK website and might give it a go. 

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Simon E [3809 posts] 6 months ago
1 like
cycle.london wrote:

My wife is in love with her fucking work.  She works in the NHS.  The only time we argue is actually because of that.  I'll get a text saying, just leaving, can you pick me up off the whatever train?

So I pop in the shower, feed the cats, get ready to jump in the car, when another text arrives saying sorry, I won't make that train.

Why not?

I bumped into [whomever] in the corridor

So?  You've already done ten fucking hours, say to them that you'll see them tomorrow

I can't do that, she says.

Why the fuck not? I ask.

Try looking at it from her PoV.

There are so many people who would dearly wish they could say that they enjoy their work!

Whether that devotion to work is good for her home life or your relationship is another matter but it won't help to be resentful. My wife is a residential support worker for people with mental health issues who require assisted living. She loves her work. It fills a need in her life and that is extremely important to her sense of wellbeing. She's making a real difference to people's lives (who've had pretty shit lives in the past). If she is asked to do an extra shift, go in early or stay late because a colleague is ill etc I don't mind, as long as she is happy to do it.

Perhaps ask your wife to text you when she is actually leaving work.

It's important that you discuss how you both feel. Be open and honest, try not to apportion blame but really think carefully about each other's needs and how you can find a good compromise. The lack of real dialogue between you about this (and perhaps other things) is may well be contributing to your current state of mind.

As for you own job, ask yourself is it really what you want to do? Do you want to work for this company and with a boss that (from what you've written) seems disinterested himself? While it's disruptive and stressful, perhaps a change of job could help. Or even just taking a step back and looking at what you like and don't like about your job then weighing it all up.

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cycle.london [112 posts] 6 months ago
0 likes
Simon E wrote:
cycle.london wrote:

My wife is in love with her fucking work.  She works in the NHS.  The only time we argue is actually because of that.  I'll get a text saying, just leaving, can you pick me up off the whatever train?

So I pop in the shower, feed the cats, get ready to jump in the car, when another text arrives saying sorry, I won't make that train.

Why not?

I bumped into [whomever] in the corridor

So?  You've already done ten fucking hours, say to them that you'll see them tomorrow

I can't do that, she says.

Why the fuck not? I ask.

Try looking at it from her PoV.

There are so many people who would dearly wish they could say that they enjoy their work!

Whether that devotion to work is good for her home life or your relationship is another matter but it won't help to be resentful. My wife is a residential support worker for people with mental health issues who require assisted living. She loves her work. It fills a need in her life and that is extremely important to her sense of wellbeing. She's making a real difference to people's lives (who've had pretty shit lives in the past). If she is asked to do an extra shift, go in early or stay late because a colleague is ill etc I don't mind, as long as she is happy to do it.

Perhaps ask your wife to text you when she is actually leaving work.

It's important that you discuss how you both feel. Be open and honest, try not to apportion blame but really think carefully about each other's needs and how you can find a good compromise. The lack of real dialogue between you about this (and perhaps other things) is may well be contributing to your current state of mind.

As for you own job, ask yourself is it really what you want to do? Do you want to work for this company and with a boss that (from what you've written) seems disinterested himself? While it's disruptive and stressful, perhaps a change of job could help. Or even just taking a step back and looking at what you like and don't like about your job then weighing it all up.

Oh, I get where she's coming from.   She saves lives.  I make people rich(er).

Personally, no - I do not want to be doing the job I'm doing, but I get paid a shedload of wonga to do what I do.  

If I could go back to being twenty, and have absolutely any job I wanted, what would I do?

I'd possibly be flying a Tornado across Northern England.

Or a doctor.

But hey.. too late now.   And nothing I could possibly do would bring in the same amount of dosh, even if I were able to change career. 

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