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Man reported to have thrown his own excrement at car after being beeped for cycling “scarily”

Projectile was not in hand ready for deployment but was apparently produced on demand

Gloucestershire Live has reported an allegation that a man on a bike pooed in his own hands and threw it at the windscreen of a driver who beeped at him.

The claim, made anonymously on the Spotted Gloucester Facebook page, reads: “To the man who poo'd in his hands and lobbed it at my windscreen because i beeped at him down london road that is vile and disgusting i beeped and pulled over because you were riding your cycle scarily”

The person who posted the message fails to expand on why they found the person’s cycling so terrifying.

Nor they give any explanation for their willingness to stop and wait for this spirited dirty protest to play out before them. (We presume there was a moment before faeces hit windscreen when it had already become clear that something was happening that might possibly not qualify as a family-friendly spectator sport.)

The ensuing Facebook comments oddly fail to attribute such behaviour to all cyclists, and road tax, helmets and cycle lanes don’t even get a mention. Make of that what you will.

One user claimed: "This scumbag threw poo at me Aswell” – a conclusion that was seemingly based solely on the offender’s modus operandi, ruling out the possibility that an organised gang could be responsible for a whole spate of attacks.

The police are not believed to have been contacted over the incident.

New Forest Authority claims cyclists poo on village greens

Alex has written for more cricket publications than the rest of the road.cc team combined. Despite the apparent evidence of this picture, he doesn't especially like cake.

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30 comments

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mafffoster | 7 years ago
2 likes
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Canyon48 | 7 years ago
2 likes

Facebook isn't news.

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surly_by_name | 7 years ago
2 likes

While I can see why its amusing (and a source of some good puns), the fact is that lies like this (and it is surely a lie) create a poorimpression of cyclists among the non cycling public. This is like Trump's "last night in Sweden" bullshit. Shouldn't have been printed in the first place.

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chadders | 7 years ago
2 likes

If this did really happen, all I can say is Crapeau that man!!!

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brooksby | 7 years ago
0 likes

What exactly is "cycling scarily " anyway?

(I'm not going to get sucked into the whole poo-flinging mess).

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CygnusX1 | 7 years ago
1 like

I'm calling bullshit on this fake news.

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Yorkshie Whippet | 7 years ago
2 likes

How do you have the time to pull your shorts down? How do you know it's going to be solid enough to hold.....

Paulbox, don't worry I'll be giggling for a while.

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ConcordeCX replied to Yorkshie Whippet | 7 years ago
4 likes

Yorkshie Whippet wrote:

How do you have the time to pull your shorts down? How do you know it's going to be solid enough to hold.....

Practice, practice, practice!

And don't forget to take off your Rapha hairsheep leather mitts first.

I'm sure there's an Eddie Merdecx joke in here somewhere

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cyclisto | 7 years ago
1 like

Give this rider a prize or something for his bravery and innovation!

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Butty replied to cyclisto | 7 years ago
3 likes

cyclisto wrote:

Give this rider a prize or something for his bravery and innovation!

Giving him a paper towel would be more useful.

I'm not surpised he was noted as riding "scarily".  Sprinting for the loo would be like the Tashkent Terror in full flight.

Luckily, relief was at hand for him.

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chadders replied to cyclisto | 7 years ago
5 likes

cyclisto wrote:

Give this rider a prize or something for his bravery and innovation!

Yes a prize but no handshake!!!

 

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PaulBox | 7 years ago
3 likes

I'm still finding this very funny, worried about my mental age...cheeky

Just how angry do you have to be for the idea of doing this to 1, pop in to your mind and 2, seem like a good idea?

I've been plenty angry on many occasion, but never (probably until now), have I thought, "you know what, I'm going to sh!t in to my hand and throw it at that car".

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Simmo72 | 7 years ago
2 likes

Clearly not wearing bib shorts, that requires time, planning and coordination.

 

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tritecommentbot | 7 years ago
2 likes

So basically you can make up some nonsense on Facebook and get on the 'news' these days as it'll generate clicks. Bit sad road.cc

 

#fakenews

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The _Kaner | 7 years ago
9 likes

Should have posted it on Faecebook....

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Mungecrundle | 7 years ago
12 likes

In a civilised society, poo should be "flung", or possibly "hurled" if a degree of anger is intended. It should never be simply thrown.

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HowardR replied to Mungecrundle | 7 years ago
11 likes

Mungecrundle wrote:

In a civilised society, poo should be "flung", or possibly "hurled" if a degree of anger is intended. It should never be simply thrown.

 

Please don't tell me that you weren’t wearing a silk smoking jacket whilst writing that.

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beezus fufoon replied to Mungecrundle | 7 years ago
9 likes

Mungecrundle wrote:

In a civilised society, poo should be "flung", or possibly "hurled" if a degree of anger is intended. It should never be simply thrown.

or smeared carefully into the air intake ducts, maybe a little on the underside of the door handle, and then carefully wipe off the excess to leave no visible trace...

don't ask!

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rix replied to Mungecrundle | 7 years ago
1 like

Mungecrundle wrote:

In a civilised society, poo should be "flung", or possibly "hurled" if a degree of anger is intended. It should never be simply thrown.

Well, the correct use of "fling" and "trow" is hotly debated since both words were used by Mason...

Throw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enya7IN_8so

Fling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgUwpb3I98M

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rix | 7 years ago
4 likes

Bikeshit!!!

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ChrisB200SX | 7 years ago
4 likes

Pics or it didn't happen.

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bigsy | 7 years ago
8 likes

Peoples facebook posts are news now?

Just consider the logistics of this even for a nanosecond I'd hope people would conclude that this never happened.

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themartincox | 7 years ago
6 likes

how is this even news? don't we all do this on the morning commute?

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PaulBox | 7 years ago
4 likes

Gross but funny as hell.

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HalfWheeler | 7 years ago
1 like
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flathunt | 7 years ago
10 likes

TBF it is one of the oft-cited consequences of being alarmed. If the driver was equally 'scared' he'd have had a supply of his own and fought fire with fire (well, shit with shit).

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nniff | 7 years ago
13 likes

Scraping the bottom now.....

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Grahamd | 7 years ago
12 likes

This story is crap.

 

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Yorkshire wallet | 7 years ago
13 likes

I hope he changed his bar tape when he got home.

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GarethWyn | 7 years ago
13 likes

Release the inner chimp!

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