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Give up now, says student to bike thief - you're on CCTV and my bike has a GPS tracker...

A student who had their bike stolen - but with the help of a GPS tracker found out where the thief lives - has posted a decidedly old school printed message to the thief telling them to return the bike or face a knock on the door from the Plod.

The victim explains how, having been a victim of bike theft before, he or she decided to put a tracker in the frame. Whats more, the letter said, the thief was caught on CCTV stealing from the station bike shelter.

The letter then gives the thief until the end of the week to return the grey Giant bike before they are visited by "our Majesty's finest."

The letter was shared to thousands on Twitter as one user captioned it: "This must have been the best feeling ever".

The letter:

DEAR DOUCHEBAG BIKE THIEF

Fantastic! I've grabbed your attention

Hi there! You stole my bike last night, admittedly I was kind of ticked off about this, but less so when I realised that you left your face on camera at the station. And also you may have not realised but this is not the first bike I've had stolen, so I put a tracer inside the bike frame. So unfortunately for you, I know where you live. Please dear bike thief, don't take this as a threat, I'm sure you had your reasons, I just want my bike back.

All I am asking is if you return the bike before the end of the week, that will be the end of it. If not: You'll be getting a visit by our Majesty's finest.

In case you've taken more than one bike, mine was the grey Giant.

Have a good day!

Sincerely, the poor student with no money, but a working printer

 

After an unpromising start, having to be bribed by her parents to learn to ride without stabilisers, Sarah became rather keener on cycling in her university years, and was eventually persuaded to upgrade to proper road cycling by the prospect of a shiny red Italian bike, which she promptly destroyed by trapping a pair of knickers in the rear derailleur. Sarah writes about about cycling every weekend on road.cc.

37 comments

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naambezet [9 posts] 1 year ago
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Seems to be fake, the text is not alligned with the paper.

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MikeOnABike [58 posts] 1 year ago
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naambezet wrote:

Seems to be fake, the text is not alligned with the paper.

Looks like the paper is folded and taped down to me.

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russwparkin [45 posts] 1 year ago
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gps tracker, yeah alright, powered by what? and you ever tried to get your gps sat nav to work in the house? the clue is in the 's'

you aint picking up satellites in an enclosed 2mm thick alloy / carbon tube.

fail

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WolfieSmith [1323 posts] 1 year ago
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All a bit prissy and elaborate. He might just as well wait for the thief to come back, slap the thief's cheek with a glove and demand satisfaction.  37

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bikebot [1924 posts] 1 year ago
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Sounds like a bluff, but good luck to him. It may not be fair to stereotype an entire profession, but I'm yet to see one appear on Mastermind...

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Spangly Shiny [116 posts] 1 year ago
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naambezet wrote:

Seems to be fake, the text is not alligned with the paper.

It is centre aligned on the paper.

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Leeroy_Silk [128 posts] 1 year ago
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If you know the thief lives, why not just post the letter through their letterbox?
Seems a bit daft leaving it in the place where is was stolen in the vein hope the thief might return and see it.

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Joeinpoole [439 posts] 1 year ago
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Calls himself "a student" with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he's barely literate to me.

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downfader [203 posts] 1 year ago
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russwparkin wrote:

gps tracker, yeah alright, powered by what? and you ever tried to get your gps sat nav to work in the house? the clue is in the 's'

you aint picking up satellites in an enclosed 2mm thick alloy / carbon tube.

fail

Actually there is a way of getting GPS to tell you which house to knock on. I dont want to say too much on here as tealeaf ****s might be reading. Security personnel have used as much, and the Police to deal with prolific mobile phone thieves.

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koko56 [330 posts] 1 year ago
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Joeinpoole wrote:

Calls himself "a student" with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he's barely literate to me.

 29

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Flying Scot [918 posts] 1 year ago
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It's possible, it just won't be in the seat tube....don't want to spoil it, but there are a number of places they can be concealed.

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Critchio [176 posts] 1 year ago
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russwparkin wrote:

gps tracker, yeah alright, powered by what? and you ever tried to get your gps sat nav to work in the house? the clue is in the 's'

you aint picking up satellites in an enclosed 2mm thick alloy / carbon tube.

fail

GPS bike trackers do work. theya re small enough to go in seat tubes, or or steering stems. The Police use them on bait bikes. They can track the bike inside buildings to within 2 meters, they are that accurate. Some have SIM cards in them too and are activated by SMS. The battery power is an issue yes, once activated you dont have long to find the bike or you have to keep charging them up. And they do work well inside bike frames. Don't assume they are shit because all you have knowledge of is a sat nav app on a smart phone. The SIM card ones also use mobile phone cell site triangulation to help with location accuracy.

https://www.eta.co.uk/2012/02/13/stolen-bicycles-tracked-with-covert-gps/
is just one example.

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Beaufort [270 posts] 1 year ago
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At least Critchio knows what he's on about

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Toxmarz [37 posts] 1 year ago
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Doesn't say he's an English major. Maybe a foreign student studying math or science.

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james123 [14 posts] 1 year ago
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I think most of you are missing a good opportunity to unite against bike thieves. Whether this is real or fake, poor grammar or a bluff, who cares? Let's use any weapon in our arsenal to disrupt, deter and bring to justice bike thieves and handlers.
Yeh!  41

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gb901 [149 posts] 1 year ago
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More to the point: who the hell are "our Majesty's finest"? Certainly can't be referring to plod!

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stuartp [68 posts] 1 year ago
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MikeOnABike wrote:
naambezet wrote:

Seems to be fake, the text is not alligned with the paper.

Looks like the paper is folded and taped down to me.

I think what he is saying is the paper is curved round the tube but the word 'Dear' isn't.
Nice idea but, FWIW it looks fake to me too.

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stuartp [68 posts] 1 year ago
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..

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stuartp [68 posts] 1 year ago
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Well I guess as he can't go for a ride, so he decided to spend some quality time Photoshopping pictures to put on Twitter  3

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Quince [382 posts] 1 year ago
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If you zoom RIIIGHT the way in, you can see that the text is surrounded by 'noise'/greyish fuzzy stuff that is shaped suspiciously. It's all rectangular, which makes it look like it wasn't a natural picture, but inserted there afterwards. The 'DEAR' bit also seems a slightly off.

It's odd though, you'd think if someone wanted to fake it, they'd just print a real one themselves and take a picture of that... The world is full of mysteries...

I like the idea of 'our Majesty's finest' though. It sounds a bit more egalitarian than 'her Majesty's finest', because this way, we all get to be Majesties. That's nice.

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anarchy [100 posts] 1 year ago
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Quince wrote:

If you zoom RIIIGHT the way in, you can see that the text is surrounded by 'noise'/greyish fuzzy stuff that is shaped suspiciously. It's all rectangular, which makes it look like it wasn't a natural picture, but inserted there afterwards. The 'DEAR' bit also seems a slightly off.

It's odd though, you'd think if someone wanted to fake it, they'd just print a real one themselves and take a picture of that... The world is full of mysteries...

I like the idea of 'our Majesty's finest' though. It sounds a bit more egalitarian than 'her Majesty's finest', because this way, we all get to be Majesties. That's nice.

you get that fuzziness when you compress an image, probably not there on the original

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OldRidgeback [2620 posts] 1 year ago
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I don't understand why the student hasn't just called the cops.

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truffy [653 posts] 1 year ago
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Joeinpoole wrote:

Calls himself "a student" with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he's barely literate to me.

More a reflection on falling standards in education. He just collected enough cereal packet tokens to get into what passes for uni these days.

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truffy [653 posts] 1 year ago
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OldRidgeback wrote:

I don't understand why the student hasn't just called the cops.

I know I bloody would

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andyp [1448 posts] 1 year ago
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truffy wrote:
Joeinpoole wrote:

Calls himself "a student" with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he's barely literate to me.

More a reflection on falling standards in education. He just collected enough cereal packet tokens to get into what passes for uni these days.

Be fair. Obviously a foreign student, by the use of 'douchebag'. It's not a bad stab at English.

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truffy [653 posts] 1 year ago
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andyp wrote:

Be fair. Obviously a foreign student, by the use of 'douchebag'. It's not a bad stab at English.

Obviously foreign? Then why "our majesty's (sic) finest" rather than "her Majesty's finest"?

But you're right in that "douchebag" is more of an Americanism.

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stuartp [68 posts] 1 year ago
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Either way it would be nice if he got his bike back.

Can anyone who is on twitter confirm if that is the case yet?

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andyp [1448 posts] 1 year ago
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'Obviously foreign? Then why "our majesty's (sic) finest" rather than "her Majesty's finest"?'

I beleive the miserable old cow is queen of various countries.

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truffy [653 posts] 1 year ago
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True, that.

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DaveE128 [539 posts] 1 year ago
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Hope he gets the bike back, but it looks a lot to me like a bluff. Otherwise he'd have just call the police surely?

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