A student who had their bike stolen – but with the help of a GPS tracker found out where the thief lives – has posted a decidedly old school printed message to the thief telling them to return the bike or face a knock on the door from the Plod.
The victim explains how, having been a victim of bike theft before, he or she decided to put a tracker in the frame. Whats more, the letter said, the thief was caught on CCTV stealing from the station bike shelter.
The letter then gives the thief until the end of the week to return the grey Giant bike before they are visited by "our Majesty's finest."
The letter was shared to thousands on Twitter as one user captioned it: "This must have been the best feeling ever".
This must have been the best feeling ever. pic.twitter.com/kCrgJTCUPX
— Blaze. (@blazefeed) August 9, 2014
The letter:
DEAR DOUCHEBAG BIKE THIEF
Fantastic! I've grabbed your attention
Hi there! You stole my bike last night, admittedly I was kind of ticked off about this, but less so when I realised that you left your face on camera at the station. And also you may have not realised but this is not the first bike I've had stolen, so I put a tracer inside the bike frame. So unfortunately for you, I know where you live. Please dear bike thief, don't take this as a threat, I'm sure you had your reasons, I just want my bike back.
All I am asking is if you return the bike before the end of the week, that will be the end of it. If not: You'll be getting a visit by our Majesty's finest.
In case you've taken more than one bike, mine was the grey Giant.
Have a good day!
Sincerely, the poor student with no money, but a working printer
38 thoughts on “DEAR DOUCHEBAG BIKE THIEF…. ‘poor student’ writes to criminal who stole Giant bike”
Seems to be fake, the text is
Seems to be fake, the text is not alligned with the paper.
naambezet wrote:Seems to be
Looks like the paper is folded and taped down to me.
MikeOnABike wrote:naambezet
I think what he is saying is the paper is curved round the tube but the word ‘Dear’ isn’t.
Nice idea but, FWIW it looks fake to me too.
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naambezet wrote:Seems to be
It is centre aligned on the paper.
gps tracker, yeah alright,
gps tracker, yeah alright, powered by what? and you ever tried to get your gps sat nav to work in the house? the clue is in the ‘s’
you aint picking up satellites in an enclosed 2mm thick alloy / carbon tube.
fail
russwparkin wrote:gps
Actually there is a way of getting GPS to tell you which house to knock on. I dont want to say too much on here as tealeaf ****s might be reading. Security personnel have used as much, and the Police to deal with prolific mobile phone thieves.
russwparkin wrote:gps
GPS bike trackers do work. theya re small enough to go in seat tubes, or or steering stems. The Police use them on bait bikes. They can track the bike inside buildings to within 2 meters, they are that accurate. Some have SIM cards in them too and are activated by SMS. The battery power is an issue yes, once activated you dont have long to find the bike or you have to keep charging them up. And they do work well inside bike frames. Don’t assume they are shit because all you have knowledge of is a sat nav app on a smart phone. The SIM card ones also use mobile phone cell site triangulation to help with location accuracy.
https://www.eta.co.uk/2012/02/13/stolen-bicycles-tracked-with-covert-gps/
is just one example.
All a bit prissy and
All a bit prissy and elaborate. He might just as well wait for the thief to come back, slap the thief’s cheek with a glove and demand satisfaction. (|:
Sounds like a bluff, but good
Sounds like a bluff, but good luck to him. It may not be fair to stereotype an entire profession, but I’m yet to see one appear on Mastermind…
If you know the thief lives,
If you know the thief lives, why not just post the letter through their letterbox?
Seems a bit daft leaving it in the place where is was stolen in the vein hope the thief might return and see it.
Calls himself “a student”
Calls himself “a student” with sentence structure and grammar as bad as that? Looks like he’s barely literate to me.
Joeinpoole wrote:Calls
8|
koko56 wrote:Joeinpoole
What does that mean? Are you ‘rolling eyes’ in support of my position that the “student” has a painfully poor ability to express himself in the English language … or are you claiming that it doesn’t matter?
Why don’t you just use the English language to express yourself? If you did I might have half a chance of understanding you.
Doesn’t say he’s an English
Doesn’t say he’s an English major. Maybe a foreign student studying math or science.
Joeinpoole wrote:Calls
More a reflection on falling standards in education. He just collected enough cereal packet tokens to get into what passes for uni these days.
truffy wrote:Joeinpoole
Be fair. Obviously a foreign student, by the use of ‘douchebag’. It’s not a bad stab at English.
andyp wrote:Be fair.
Obviously foreign? Then why “our majesty’s (sic) finest” rather than “her Majesty’s finest”?
But you’re right in that “douchebag” is more of an Americanism.
It’s possible, it just won’t
It’s possible, it just won’t be in the seat tube….don’t want to spoil it, but there are a number of places they can be concealed.
At least Critchio knows what
At least Critchio knows what he’s on about
I think most of you are
I think most of you are missing a good opportunity to unite against bike thieves. Whether this is real or fake, poor grammar or a bluff, who cares? Let’s use any weapon in our arsenal to disrupt, deter and bring to justice bike thieves and handlers.
Yeh! =D>
More to the point: who the
More to the point: who the hell are “our Majesty’s finest”? Certainly can’t be referring to plod!
Well I guess as he can’t go
Well I guess as he can’t go for a ride, so he decided to spend some quality time Photoshopping pictures to put on Twitter 😉
If you zoom RIIIGHT the way
If you zoom RIIIGHT the way in, you can see that the text is surrounded by ‘noise’/greyish fuzzy stuff that is shaped suspiciously. It’s all rectangular, which makes it look like it wasn’t a natural picture, but inserted there afterwards. The ‘DEAR’ bit also seems a slightly off.
It’s odd though, you’d think if someone wanted to fake it, they’d just print a real one themselves and take a picture of that… The world is full of mysteries…
I like the idea of ‘our Majesty’s finest’ though. It sounds a bit more egalitarian than ‘her Majesty’s finest’, because this way, we all get to be Majesties. That’s nice.
Quince wrote:If you zoom
you get that fuzziness when you compress an image, probably not there on the original
I might post a similar notice
I might post a similar notice asking for the time back from this time thief as it has taken me 5 minutes to read this rubbish article and following comments. :W
I don’t understand why the
I don’t understand why the student hasn’t just called the cops.
OldRidgeback wrote:I don’t
I know I bloody would
Either way it would be nice
Either way it would be nice if he got his bike back.
Can anyone who is on twitter confirm if that is the case yet?
‘Obviously foreign? Then why
‘Obviously foreign? Then why “our majesty’s (sic) finest” rather than “her Majesty’s finest”?’
I beleive the miserable old cow is queen of various countries.
andyp wrote:’Obviously
It should be Her Majesty’s finest as in HMS or as in ‘at Her Majesty’s pleasure.’ You don’t own the Queen, the Queen owns you bitch!
True, that.
True, that.
Hope he gets the bike back,
Hope he gets the bike back, but it looks a lot to me like a bluff. Otherwise he’d have just call the police surely?
‘You don’t own the Queen, the
‘You don’t own the Queen, the Queen owns you bitch!’
I pay for her, so I (part) own her.
Although the Queen is paid
Although the Queen is paid from the public purse, the money is raised from the Crown Estate, which was the property estate that her ancestors built by subjugating and pillaging your ancestors.
‘subjugating and pillaging
‘subjugating and pillaging your ancestors’
Actual lol. God bless her, she does a wonderful job. I certainly wouldn’t be able to do all that waving.
The Queen has a job to do…
The Queen has a job to do… she get did not apply for it or ask for it… she gets paid for it… in my opinion she does a good job of it… some nice perks of the job… but she is still welcome to it….
Would be interesting if she had stolen the bike….
“You are nicked your Majesty”
“No I am not… I can do no wrong… it says so in our unwritten constitution….”
“Where is it not written in our unwritten constitution?”
“Look son, just piss off before I have you locked up….”
The Queen cycles off flicking the v’s as she goes…
a foolish appeal to find the
a foolish appeal to find the better nature of a criminal! he’s just alerted the thief, who will now have plenty of time to ditch/sell the bike. after that, there is little that can be pinned on the individual, even with a tracked address….