Lance Armstrong, agent provocateur, strikes again.
Back in November 2012, in the wake of USADA’s ‘reasoned decision’ which saw him banned for life and stripped of his seven Tour de France titles for doping, the ever-obstinate Texan posted a defiant image on Twitter of himself lounging at his Austin home, surrounded by his seven by-then discredited yellow jerseys.
That characteristically provocative image – a middle finger to the trolls, as Armstrong would have said – succeeded in riling up a cycling world angry at two decades of drug-related betrayal. And now, fast forward 12 and a half years, he’s at it again.
Because this week, Armstrong appeared in a social media advert for US non-alcoholic beer brand Athletic Brewing Company, filmed at his home and featuring, you guessed it, his seven framed yellow jerseys.
The ad, which features a jazzy walking bass line soundtrack, was shot in black and white – with the exception of those now disgraced maillots jaunes – and shows a cap-wearing Mellow Johnny reaching for a yellow tin of Athletic after sagely (he wishes) observing: “Somethin’ about that colour yellow.”
I reckon Athletic Brewing Company have missed a trick by not producing a specially brewed cycling-themed beer with the name: ‘LA 0.0 (Tour de France yellow jerseys)’, but maybe that’s just me.
Interestingly, the Connecticut-based brand, which also sponsors Arsenal Football Club, are yet to share the clip on their own social media platforms, though they did comment under Armstrong’s post with three emojis: a yellow heart, clinking beer glasses, and a trophy.
And, this being Lance Armstrong, they weren’t the only ones to get involved in the comments, which have ranged from noughties nostalgia-laden fans insisting that “every single one of those yellow jerseys was earned” to the cynics and the sceptics who still, all these years later, rush to inform Big Tex that “every one them was stolen”.
As this latest beer ad clearly shows, the former US Postal leader continues to have a complicated relationship with the Tour de France, and in particular the editions of the race between 1999 and 2005 which, according to the official record books, were won by nobody.
When asked, while appearing on Steve-O’s Wild Ride podcast last month, why he keeps his yellow jerseys pride of place in his living room, the 53-year-old said: “History always tells the truth and all you have to do is wait. I think history catches up with everybody and so that, in the short term for me, was difficult right, history edited my story.
“The version that was edited to at the time was ‘he didn’t win any Tours’, think about that, where you were stripped of all seven, so if you went in the record books it says zero, it also says those seven years there is no winner. So here you have an event like the Tour that is beautiful and iconic and historical and all these things, it has to have a winner.”
He continued: “History doesn’t stop and history doesn’t stop editing, so that story will continue to be edited and eventually the truth will be told and it’s just a different version of the truth. What really matters is I don’t really give a shit what the history books say now, I don’t give a shit what was written or is written, I just don’t.
“What I care about are the people that I was in the trenches with and I’m obviously talking about my teammates but I’m also talking about the guys that got beat. If we asked them what happened they will tell you what happened and they’ll tell you who won the races.
“History will correct that story. Now I might be long gone and dead, that’s fine, but history never stops and it never stops searching for the truth and editing. And by the way, that’s maybe something that I just like to tell myself. I could be totally wrong, I don’t think I am.”
And if a provocative non-alcoholic beer ad wasn’t enough, it’s also been reported this week that Armstrong is one of a number of high-profile ‘funding angels’ to invest in a new tech start-up – which is currently working on an AI-powered toilet camera device.
Yes, you read that right. According to TechCrunch, Austin-based Throne has raised $4 million to create a device that mounts onto a toilet bowl and use cameras and in-built AI software to monitor and analyse gut health conditions.
Apparently, the product was pitched directly to Armstrong, with its two developers patiently waiting outside the retired pro’s bathroom door after installing a prototype for him to use, leading to the 53-year-old immediately agreeing to write a cheque (after washing his hands, I hope).
So, 12 years after leaving professional cycling in the shit, Lance Armstrong has decided to invest in… Well, I’ll let you write those jokes.
63 thoughts on ““Every one of them stolen”: Lance Armstrong poses alongside Tour de France yellow jersey collection for non-alcoholic beer ad – after investing in AI toilet camera start-up (yes, really)”
As if those Team Sky jerseys
As if those Team Sky jerseys aren’t tainted with question marks….
Proof? All the proof about
Proof? All the proof about Armstrong was there to see. Where’s your proof about sky?
The allegation was Team Sky
The allegation was Team Sky were taking advantage of Therapeutic Use Exemptions.
Whether or not there is any validity to that claim has been settled by WADA and UCI in Team Skys favour.
However for some people the mere suggestion that TUEs could have been used to gain unfair competitive advantage is sufficient evidence to place an asterisk by any Team Sky success.
ShaneDG wrote:
Personally, I don’t think Sky broke any rules. I think – as all part of their marginal gains philosophy – they pushed every rule as far as they could, and concentrated solely on the letter of the law, not the spirit. And that would be fine, except for their public holier than thou attitude to doping – as this then made them look rather hypocritical.
I certainly believe they
I certainly believe they broke rules with the jiffy bag saga, though of course nothing was proven by UKAD
But I don’t think it means there would ever be any asterix against their success.
He is right in a manner of
He is right in a manner of speaking – he definitely stole them.
The daily mail of cycling
The daily mail of cycling strikes again.
Lance Armstrong wrote:
Yup – definitely getting that impression from the fact that you keep going on about it every five minutes…
As an aside, it’s quite a
As an aside, it’s quite a decent alcohol free beer.
I agree. I have a few in my
I agree. I have a few in my beer fridge right now, and try to reach for them on evenings when I’m tempted to have a third beer.
Sometimes I succeed.
Having read what he said, I’m
Having read what he said, I’m left wondering if he has some Trump DNA.
eburtthebike wrote:
A big fan of Lance here, he
A big fan of Lance here, he inadvertently created a lot of cycle commuters in the US. I really don’t care about professional sports, their results in any kind of sport and how much drugs one will take to make some good money.
Even the most talented athlete in the world, is a society failure if he gets more money than a good doctor, engineer, farmer or factory worker.
Here is a few questions for
Here is a few questions for you all.
Was Armstrong breaking more rules than many others in the Peleton at the time? Or was he just better at it than others?
Is it possible that it is convenient and morally satisfying to blame one individual rather than an entire sport that was rotten to the core?
So, seasonally adjusted, was he just better at preparation than others? Or how was he morally worse?
I believe that Merckx got a drug rap during his career but he remains royalty.
Dick Wall wrote:
Unbelievable how many times this has to be explained, but: Merckx had three “drug raps” in his career. The first one was in the Giro, for amphetamines, which was almost immediately rescinded by the UCI as it was generally agreed either the samples were not handled properly or deliberately contaminated in order to assist Italian riders (it simply wouldn’t have made sense for him to have taken amphetamines on that day as firstly it was a flat stage on which he would not have needed them and secondly he was leading the race and knew that he would be tested); the second time he tested positive for norephedrine at Lombardia, having unwittingly consumed it from a bottle of cough medicine that did not list it on its ingredients (norephedrine has such a minimal performance-enhancing effect that it was subsequently removed from the WADA banned list); the third time at Fleche Wallone he tested positive for pemoline, which he admitted taking having been wrongly advised by his team doctor that it was not a banned substance.
As for how Armstrong was “morally worse”, he not only cheated but he bullied and attempted to destroy the careers of anyone who accused him of doing so. Yes there were plenty of other riders doping at the time, but he was the only one who tried to ruin other people’s lives in order to defend his own interests, that’s what makes him morally worse.
Rendel Harris wrote:
That’s always been the key distinction for me.
And how exactly do you know
And how exactly do you know nobody else did same/similar/worse things? Just because there’s not a book/movie whatever on other people, doesn’t mean they did not do it.
firstly it was a flat stage
firstly it was a flat stage on which she would not of needed them
Firstly, it’s political correctness gone mad- although I didn’t know Eddy had ‘come out and declared’, and secondly there’s the other mistake
wtjs wrote:
That’s really bad, corrected! I can only plead poor interpretation by my dictation software due to my having a heavy cold but the most rudimentary proofreading should of (joking!) picked that up.
having a heavy cold…
having a heavy cold…
I’ve got one too! Mainly a very sore throat initially, but now the long lasting irritating cough. I even did a Covid test last night after reading about recent Omicron sub-variants, but the test didn’t even show the control line, being over 18 months out of date
Got soaked to the skin on a
Got soaked to the skin on a 120 km/1150m ride (unpowered!) round Loch Ness on Sunday that involved a 45 km stretch straight into a 40 km/h headwind gusting to 70 km/h, did some more riding in the rain on Monday and then got a crowded train back to London. Mrs H did the same rides and got exactly the same cold, I think our immune systems by then had just said if you’re going to treat us like this we can’t be bothered to look after you!
Rendel Harris wrote:
Ah – I was hoping for a ride report! Welcome to Scotland! Sorry about the weather, it’ll do that. It can be a lumpy heaven in the good … but we need the other side to establish a scale.
chrisonabike wrote:
Not complaining in the slightest, the wind was blowing so hard that the weather changed every 10 minutes so we got plenty of lovely sunshine as well. It was a magnificent ride, although I’ve ridden considerably farther and higher in the past the wind made it possibly the hardest I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest I’ve done in my 50s. The scenery was of course incredible and I thought Inverness a wonderful town, really great people and fantastic cycling infrastructure. Beautiful English spoken there as well, Brendan Behan used to say that the best English was spoken in Oxford, Dublin and Inverness and it seems he was right! Scottish drivers, at least in that neck of the woods, seem so much more tolerant of cyclists, loads of good manners and nearly all the passes were made completely in the opposite carriageway. In more than 200 km of riding during the trip there were only a handful of remotely close passes and nearly all of those were by tourist campervans – I think a lot of people seem to have gone up there and rented them without thinking about whether they have the requisite skills to drive them safely around vulnerable road users. All in all a fabulous trip, the Caledonian sleeper was top-notch as well. Definitely going back!
Pictured Mrs H scanning the Loch for the monster (he’s behind you!).
Rendel Harris wrote:
In my experience, that’s Scotland to a tee. Two well worn phrases come to mind:
“If you don’t like the weather, wait 10 minutes. Might not be any better, but it’ll be different”
and
“There’s nae such thing as bad weather, jus’ glaikit garb”
On the subject of glaikit garb, there’s 7 of them in the main article.
First time I cycled in
First time I cycled in Scotland I got drenched so I came up with a new motto for you.
“Welcome to Scotland, here’s your towel”
My first visit to Scotland
My first visit to Scotland was in my late teens – a summer cycle trip. Not a baptism of fire as it was wet lots of the time, but… yeah. Also learned about the Torridonian landscape and the importance of the prevailing wind in places with few trees (Harris and Lewis).
If it hadn’t been so grim at times then the final day cycling down Skye when the wind dropped and the sun suddenly cut through as we rode down through the Cuillin would merely have been rather scenic. As it was, those hours will never leave me…
Well, Floyd certainly tried
he was the only one who tried to ruin other people’s lives in order to defend his own interests
Well, Floyd certainly tried to follow that example, but in post-truth Trumpland Lance is moving into the lead
Dick Wall wrote:
Facts are, he broke the rules. What anyone else did is 100% irrelevant The history records show no winner of the tour the years he ‘won’, and if only 1 other or every other rider was doping, thats totally against the point. He broke the rules, he cheated and he was stripped of his titles. They werent given to anyone else, so the rest is a total moot point. The idea that others may also of been doping should in no way be used to defend his actions.
Black and white plus yellow
Black and white plus yellow reminds me of the film version of Sin City – the story segment “That Yellow Bastard (Part II)”.
Forgive the drug taking..
Forgive the drug taking…maybe, but the bullying no. In particular Christophe Bassons and Greg LeMond. Someone has also mentioned Merckx somewhere in these comments which has been answered far more eloquently than I ever could.
Lance didn’t steal anything.
Lance didn’t steal anything. He just cheated better than everyone else. They were all dopers, and they hated that an American was basically farting in their general direction year after year and was an asshole about it.
Lance Armstrong with a camera
Lance Armstrong with a camera in his toilet? Trying to prove the sun shines out his arse once and for all? 🙄
Jingo_Balls wrote:
Ah, so if lots of people attempt to rob my local bank but I succeed, I’m not really stealing, I’m just a better bank robber than anyone else? Armstrong accepted vast amounts of cash both in sponsorship and prize money for victories that he knew he had achieved through cheating, therefore he was taking money under fraudulent pretences or in other words stealing.
Even if just one rider in the peloton wasn’t doping, and it appears there were in fact a substantial number who weren’t, they had their chances stolen from them by those who were doping. If every single rider in the GT peloton was doping, they were stealing chances from clean riders further down the ladder. Of course he was stealing and on a grand scale.
You should remove the underscore from your name and insert “ISTIC”.
Nice strawman. Actually – no,
Nice strawman. Actually – no, it’s stupid. Sport isn’t armed robbery. Armed robbery is a crime. Cycling isn’t. Lance cheated, as did all of the other peloton leaders in the 1990’s and early 2k’s. Some even got busted for it. Lance had better (funded) doctors, better doping techniques, better cover-ups, and UCI for a time loved the revenue that American fans brought to the sport – until the old guard Euros decided there was no longer any parity in the sport. “The Look” was the height of arrogance from Lance, and that was about the time the UCI had had enough, and they stopped turning a blind eye…to Lance. Ullrich, Pantani…all of his main Euro rivals were barely challenged until after Lance was already out. Pantani’s trial was a joke.
Except that it wasn’t the UCI
Except that it wasn’t the UCI that came after him. It was USADA. And it wasn’t until well after that, after his ‘comeback tour’.
Jingo_Balls wrote:
Yes he did. He lied in court to force a £300,000 pound settlement (christ knows what the legal fees were) in a libel claim against David Walsh and the Times over a story he knew was true. That is outright theft, and it’s just one example. Lets not get into the intangibles such as quality of life he stole from the Andreus and others.
Andreu was a doper too.
Andreu was a doper too.
You don’t say. Well ok then
You don’t say. Well ok then if it makes you feel better, all the horrendous shit Lance did to anyone who dared tell the truth about him, including literally stealing huge amounts of money from them via fraudulent and illegal abuse of the court system, is all totally fine because Frankie Andreu took drugs too.
If that makes sense to you, I ain’t gonna bother arguing.
ASO/ UCI could have avoided
ASO/ UCI could have avoided all this by actually awarding the winners the race trophy/ maillot jaune.
To have no winner for 7 straight years is dumb; we all watched it, it took place, so there needs to be a winner.
Until they do this, Lance is still the ‘winner’ even though they’ve taken the wins off him, as he cheated.
As in most/ all sports, there is cheating – but cycling holds grudges for years and years…..
But how far down the
But how far down the finishers list do you need to go to find the (clean) winner? Many of the second placed riders behind Armstrong (Ullrich, Zuelle, Basso) also have doping histories.
quiff wrote:
Athletics seems to take a different approach, e.g. with the London 2012 Women’s 1500m (often called the dirtiest race in history). It’s taken 13 years to decide the final medal position – 5 of the 12 finishers were eventually disqualified for doping.
I think that is a better approach, but I’m not sure if it would have been practicable to do that for the Tour de France.
there doesnt need to be a
there doesnt need to be a winner…why? just a bunch of also rans, results being null and void for the most part due to the prevalence of doping and unverified integrity. the prize money has already been awarded and disbursed- just move on already. it’s done and gone
Armstrong is, and always has
Armstrong is, and always has been, a nasty piece of work.
Man some of y’all just need
Man some of y’all just need to get over it. Yeah he cheated. So what. So did many other folks both during his time and before his time. But amazing how he is the only one in history to get a lifetime ban. But I am sure it can’t be politically motivated. And yes he may come across as an a**hole with a chip on his shoulder, but if I was him I would too. Think about it, the powers to be stripped him of his tour wins for cheating multiple years after the fact. So why did they not go back and strip all the wins from other folks that were caught cheating after the fact? Explain that to me and I will agree he has no reason to feel screwed.
Hc28 wrote:
Y’all heard of proportionality? The way that somebody stealing a candy bar doesn’t get the same sentence as someone robbing a bank? Armstrong’s cheating, taking the sport’s most important title seven times, illegally every time, is so far ahead of anyone else’s that it shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone with a modicum of common sense that he should get the highest ban.
Rendel Harris wrote:
On the other hand, though, if you own the bank, and rob all the customers, you’ll probably end up with a knighthood.
Hc28 wrote:
Because he was caught. It’s all very well ‘knowing’ that everyone back then was doping, but you can’t take the win away unless you can prove it. Lance’s doping is proven.
Next, he’s not just an a-hole, he is (IMO) a diagnosable sociopath. He went out of his way to destroy careers of riders and journalists for the crime of telling the truth about him. He perjured himself in court on multiple occasions while winning massive libel judgements against people who wrote articles about him that he knew were true. He has been screwed? Give me a break. His behaviour and toxic legacy in the sport go way beyond just the doping – as a human being the man is pond scum.
Ullrich was caught, Pantani’s
Ullrich was caught, Pantani’s trial was a sham and he should have been barred, and all he had to do was say “that’s not mine” when they found an insulin syringe in his room? Come on. Riis, Leipheimer, Zabel, the entire Festina team including Moreau, Stuart O’Grady…the list goes on.
This. The UCI hated him
This. The UCI hated him because he was an arrogant American who won too many times.
Lol, ok. Lance tested
Lol, ok. Lance tested positive for Cortisone in ’99 and benefited from the UCI whitewashing it for him at the time, just like everyone else. Armstrong absolutely benefited from preferential treatment with the UCI protecting one of its star assets, under both Verbruggen and McQuaid.
Your revisionist history is also fatally undermined by the plain fact that it was USADA who eventually took Armstrong down. If you think they’re biased against Americans you might want to look up what the letters US stand for in that acronym. Lance has no-one to blame but himself. If he hadn’t been such a dumpster fire of a human being then his friends wouldn’t have turned on him and the truth wouldn’t have come out in public.
Jingo_Balls wrote:
The UCI loved him, he offered the potential for massive expansion into the US market as well as creating huge interest above and beyond the normal fan base both for his apparently superhuman achievements and his compelling overcoming cancer narrative. He was more or less viewed as a wholesome saviour for the sport that had been smashed apart by the doping scandals of the 1998 Tour and given the kid gloves and red carpet treatment for more than a decade. Throughout Armstrong’s career the UCI interfered with investigations into him, exempted him from standard requirements and publicly defended him against doping allegations. If you have an open mind, or indeed any mind at all, you can read about it here:
https://edition.cnn.com/2015/03/09/sport/cycling-report-uci-armstrong-doping#
I’m afraid you appear to be the worst sort of Trumpian American, the type who perpetually insists that any sanction against an American must be rooted in anti-Americanism, however bad said American’s offences might be.
He also bunged them a sizable
He also bunged them a sizable chunk of cash…
It’s not about the cheating.
It’s not about the cheating. The guy was a bully, using his power to tear apart anybody who threatened him. He destroyed lives, upended lives, affected lives – all negatively. He’s a psychopath. The last thing anyone needs to hear is more about is more from this undeserving, monomaniacal jerk. If he had any grace at all he would retire quietly or use some of his millions put to good use to help others, quietly.
actually, I think he has
actually, I think he has quietly put some of his money towards helping others. I think it is perhaps best to respect their words (those he helped) and not condemn him on that point
Instead of an IPA they should
Instead of an IPA they should release a beer called EPO.
Love it.
@ Terry Hutt – Love it.
“It’s been more popular than
“It’s been more popular than our ‘urine test’, particularly when some of the translation for the overseas market went awry.”
Everyone using the “Well they
Everyone using the “Well they all cheated” rationale seems to forget the extent that this narcissistic sociopath went to in order to ruin other people’s lives. The guy could ride a bike – sure. And might have been the best… but character seems to mean nothing to people anymore. The guy should have been in jail.
Exactly that.
Exactly that.
Everyone using the “Well they
Everyone using the “Well they all cheated” rationale seems to forget the extent that this narcissistic sociopath went to in order to ruin other people’s lives. The guy could ride a bike – sure. And might have been the best… but character seems to mean nothing to people anymore. The guy should have been in jail.
In any other sporting event
In any other sporting event race, if the first place person was disqualified, the second place person becomes the winner, and if the second place person was disqualified then it goes to the 3rd place winner, and so on. Anyone want to venture a guess as to why there is no winner listed for those 7 races?
Because the entire peloton was guilty of doping, but the UCI officials didn’t want us to know that, so there were no winners assigned. This was all about some “stupid” American winning their sweatheart race 7 times and obliterating all records held by Europeans, and Americans cannot be allowed to do that.
froze wrote:
Obliterating all records held by Europeans? I think not.
froze wrote:
Actually it’s estimated (by the Cycling Independent Reform Commission) that around 65% of the peloton in Armstrong’s era were doping; the canard that “everyone was at it” is one that suits the Armstrong fanboys but it’s not actually true.
As noted by myself and several others below, the UCI adored Armstrong and saw him as the saviour of the sport after the car crash of the 1998 tour and the revelation of widespread doping there. They protected him, defended him and had nothing to do with his eventual exposure as a drugs cheat: he was nailed by the USDA and ultimately his own confession. Again, the narrative created by his supporters that he was a victim of Europeans who vindictively went after him because of his nationality won’t wash, he was brought to book by the authorities of his own country. In any case, even if the accusation were true, what difference does that make? Whatever the motivation of his accusers, it doesn’t change the fact that he doped his way to seven Tour de France victories.
Finally, no he didn’t obliterate all records held by Europeans, even within the narrow confines of records for the Tour: he didn’t take the most individual stage wins record (Merckx, now Cavendish), the most time trial wins record (Merckx), most days in yellow (Merckx), he never won the mountains or points classifications in tandem with the overall as number of other winners have done. I’m sure there are plenty of other records he didn’t take as well.