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14 things they never tell you about being a cyclist

The inconvenient, unwelcome and sometimes unsavoury aspects of riding a bike

Riding a bike is the coolest activity out there – we can all agree on that – but there are some parts of being a cyclist that we could all live without.

Everyone gives you their opinion of cyclists

You're at work, in the pub, at a party...

"Oh, you're a cyclist..." 

And they launch into a story about the time they got stuck behind a group of cyclists riding two abreast (perfectly legal), cyclists not using cycle lanes (perfectly legal), cyclists riding in the middle of the lane (perfectly legal), and all the rest of it.

road positioning - car door.jpg

That kid who rode their mountain bike into Aunt Elsie in the shopping precinct: that's your fault.

When cyclists ride through their village early on a Sunday morning while talking loudly to one another: that's your fault. 

And don't get them started on "road tax" (they might not know what it's called, but they're experts), licences or insurance. 

You get everyone's take on Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong (via NBC)

Thankfully, this one is less of a problem than it used to be, but it turns out that most people have an opinion on Lance Armstrong and you, as a cyclist, are bound to want to hear it. 

You have to explain why cyclists shave their legs

nicolau legs 2

Even if you don't shave your legs, at some stage you'll be called upon to explain why many cyclists do. It's one of those questions people like to ask.

Veloskin Shave Cream.jpg

Cyclists give all sorts of reasons for shaving their legs: it makes massage less painful, it reduces the chance of infection after crashing, and so on. 

Specialized ran tests in their Win Tunnel and found that shaved legs offer a significant aero saving over hairy legs, so you can go with that.

Worn Lycra really stinks

dhb Corefit Long Sleeve Baselayer

Artificial fibres and sweat are a heady mix. You can buy synthetic clothing designed to be antibacterial/antimicrobial (and merino wool is really good at keeping nasty niffs at bay) but let's be honest, a few miles down the road your odour is usually somewhere between 'slightly funky' and 'absolutely minging'. That's fine when you're on the move, but it's more of an issue at the mid-ride café stop.

Nikwax Basefresh.jpg

Some artificial fibres come out of the washing machine smelling all fresh and new again, but others gradually take on a fusty odour. Something like the Nikwax BaseFresh that we reviewed can deodorise base layers that have become whiffy.

Everything needs washing

You probably stick most of your cycling clothes in the washing machine when you get back from a ride as a matter of course, but what about the waterproof jacket you put on for a few minutes? What about the pads and straps in your helmet? What about those leather gloves? 

MET All Road helmet - inside.jpg

You might not be able to wash all your kit after every ride, but you can't ignore it forever, so check out the instructions for anything with special requirements. 

Then there's crotch rot

Madison Turbo Bib Shorts - front 2.jpg

Cycling shorts: there's a lot of potential for things to go wrong down there – chafing and saddle sores, obviously, but also fungal infections, sometimes called crotch rot or jock itch. Sweaty clothes are famous for harbouring it.

Bend36 Mens Chamois Cream

As usual, prevention is better than cure, and your first line of defence is to keep everything as clean as possible. Antimicrobial seatpads and detergents help, as does antibacterial chamois cream, such as the Bend36 Chamois Cream we reviewed

If you do get crotch rot, Canesten or another anti-fungal treatment is going to loom large in your life for a while.

Check out the bike kit bio-hazards cyclists never talk about, and how to beat them.

It never gets easier, you just go faster

That's what three-time Tour de France winner Greg LeMond said. It's true.

You get predictable comments

Stop for a mid-ride drink at a café or pub and there's a decent chance that someone you've never clapped eyes on before will ask, "How much does a bike like that cost?"

They'll pick it up and say, "Wow, that's light."

And there's an outside possibility that they'll quote the famous Yellow Pages TV ad from the 1980s: "I were right about that saddle, though."

Full marks if you get all three.

Other cyclists give you advice

You might not ask for advice from other cyclists, but you'll get it anyway.

How to set your saddle height 10

Your saddle is too high/low; your cadence is too fast/slow; you'd be better off with Di2; those wheels are too heavy; aero bikes are a waste of money; you should be doing more intervals; you need to upgrade to Campag, mate... 

dhb Aeron Light Weight Merino Sock 3.jpg

You might even have people – adults, mind – tell you that your socks are the wrong length. 

You have options here: nod politely or just tell them to bore off.

Not everyone wants to hear about bikes and/or cycling

Mad as it seems, some people don't want to know about the century ride you did last weekend or the new Bianchi you're thinking of buying. I know, right? 

If they're backing towards the door, it's time to change the subject.

Underwear and cycling shorts don't go together

If you don't know this to start with, you soon will.

Cleaning your bike is part of the deal

bike-cleaning-1.jpg

Cycle in Italy, say, and cleaning/re-lubing your bike is an occasional chore. Cycle in the UK and it's a frequent necessity if you want your bike to keep functioning.

Here's now to clean your bike 

Commuting is a matter of logistics

Ortlieb Commuter Daypack City backpack.jpg

If you commute a long distance by bike and don't want to lug loads of stuff around with you all the time, you suddenly have to start planning what you're going to wear at work and how you're going to get it there. 

Tailfin Carbon Rack.jpg

Fit a rack and panniers and you're sorted, but commute with just a backpack and moving a suit jacket and a pair of shoes around is more complicated. 

You become obsessed with the weather, especially wind direction

Parentini Mossa jersey - riding

The British are famous for being obsessed with the weather. British cyclists take it to another level. 

It doesn't matter if all eight of the weather apps on your phone agree that it's not going to rain, you still need to take your emergency waterproof jacket.

Mat has been in cycling media since 1996, on titles including BikeRadar, Total Bike, Total Mountain Bike, What Mountain Bike and Mountain Biking UK, and he has been editor of 220 Triathlon and Cycling Plus. Mat has been road.cc technical editor for over a decade, testing bikes, fettling the latest kit, and trying out the most up-to-the-minute clothing. We send him off around the world to get all the news from launches and shows too. He has won his category in Ironman UK 70.3 and finished on the podium in both marathons he has run. Mat is a Cambridge graduate who did a post-grad in magazine journalism, and he is a winner of the Cycling Media Award for Specialist Online Writer. Now over 50, he's riding road and gravel bikes most days for fun and fitness rather than training for competitions.

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29 comments

Avatar
Owd Big 'Ead | 1 year ago
1 like

What a load of bollocks.

Leave the hype to the motor manufacturers. It's just riding a bike, that's all.

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Jimwill | 1 year ago
1 like

Ty for reposting older stories... not all of us have read them before

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Surreyrider | 1 year ago
0 likes

Please stop regurgitating years old stories and try writing something new please or I'm cancelling my subscription. Far too many of the former. Not enough of the latter. 

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AlsoSomniloquism replied to Surreyrider | 1 year ago
2 likes

Yep, that post about zipp wheels on Wahoo rollers is so 2018. And as for the live blog, don't make me laugh.

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mdavidford replied to AlsoSomniloquism | 1 year ago
1 like

AlsoSomniloquism wrote:

as for the live blog, don't make me laugh.

Me neither - the comments are often quite funny though. 

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Surreyrider replied to AlsoSomniloquism | 1 year ago
0 likes

Too many of these reposted stories that in some cases go back five, six or more years. If Road CC want us to pay a subscription, they need to do more stories like the Wahoo rollers and less of these frequent rehashes. 

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AlsoSomniloquism replied to Surreyrider | 1 year ago
0 likes

It is a feature.  There is not too much that can change between some of them although this one could have been updated with "Pay your road tax" or "bet you don't stop for red lights" as comments made to a cyclist. But some are updated to be relevant like the bikes under 2k type articles.

But congrats if you have seen it before, others might not have, however I can bet that for every 1 of these, there are at least 20 other things that are brand new.

 

 

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Global Nomad | 1 year ago
2 likes

May I refer you to my previous post of a year ago.... 

cyclists repeating themselves with the same anecdotes

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brooksby replied to Global Nomad | 1 year ago
1 like

Haven't you said that before...?

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CafeStop | 3 years ago
8 likes

You end up with enough perfectly adequate bits that you "upgraded" but never threw out that you could in theory build another bike - albeit with those tubed tyres that have hardly any wear but only scored 3 stars on the latest "review", written by someone who never actually bought a pair.

Oh, and you wonder why all the tyre pressure charts never go up to cover the weight of normal cyclists.... last part is for a "friend", of course...

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FrankH | 3 years ago
7 likes

It isn't that cyclists like to shave their legs, it's that the sort of men who like to shave their legs take up cycling as an excuse to shave their legs.

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David9694 replied to FrankH | 3 years ago
1 like

Chicken and the egg - solved!

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David9694 | 3 years ago
3 likes

within a few months you'll be on first name terms with the postman, Mr DPD , Mr Hermes, Parcelforce...

your garage will be as well stocked as an LBS and it will acquire that workshop odour of used oil and rubber

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jollygoodvelo | 3 years ago
10 likes

Oh, so true about people giving you their unwarranted opinion.  The first day I returned to work after having been SMIDSYed, with a massive cast on my fuggered wrist, I walked into the lift and someone I didn't know asked what had happened. 

"Knocked off my bike by a car", I said.
His reply, grinning:  "Ahh, had you just run a red light?"
I still don't know how I didn't beat him to death right then.  The painkillers must have been slowing me down.

Anyway - there's a simple solution to Lycra-pong and bib-rot.  A half-dose of Vanish powder or similar in the washing machine, not even every time, once every 3-4 washes is enough.

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brooksby | 3 years ago
5 likes

Once you've ridden a bike everywhere for a while, when you do drive a car it feels like steering an ocean liner...

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Global Nomad | 3 years ago
7 likes

The money you save on not paying for your commute ( a bit 2019 to be fair) doesn't seem to show up in your bank account....but your required kit list (and quality) seems to endlessly increase....

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brooksby replied to Global Nomad | 3 years ago
0 likes

I think that's because the money you saved on your commute just goes on "fuel" instead...  3

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iandusud | 4 years ago
6 likes

If you ride a tandem you will regularly hear: "She's (he's) not pedalling on the back". And a couple of week's ago I heard for the first time: (With Yorkshire accent) "Can you ride Tandem". If you understand that one you are showing your age. 

For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqNnPrxzm3g

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ktache replied to iandusud | 4 years ago
1 like

Because of that advert, I must at some point visit the TdF and shout "Allez, allez, allez" until my voice is hoarse.

My tea choice has moved on though, only Yorkshire Gold loose leaf for me.

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ajft replied to iandusud | 4 years ago
10 likes

Or ride a tandem with only the pilot on it, say, to deliver it somewhere, to collect the stoker, or any number of other reasons and "The one on the back fell off!" or any other witticism.

Would never occur to someone to shout something similar at a driver of a four seater car with only one seat occupied

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Philh68 replied to iandusud | 4 years ago
6 likes

Try riding a recumbent trike, there’s endless variations of “takin’ it easy are ya” from adults who imagine they’re clever. Offset by all the children who say “wow, cool”, proving themselves smarter than adults. And the comment “aren’t you afraid cars won’t see you”,  no I’m not. It’s the drivers that worry me. 

Then there’s the “why are you sweating” when riding a pedelec, as if it’s a motorbike and you don’t need to make any effort, and you weren’t just keeping pace with motor traffic with no assist. Or “that’s cheating”, usually from the cyclist you just passed without any assist.

The Tern GSD attracts “gee that’s long” followed by “is it electric?” Then “how much is it” followed by “you’re joking, for a bicycle!” Every. Damn. Day. I’m thinking of getting cards printed.

 

 

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philsinclair replied to iandusud | 1 year ago
0 likes

The stoker still has to move their legs though, even if not really participating. On ours we have certain words, e.g. when going uphill 'more power'.  1

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grumpus replied to philsinclair | 1 year ago
0 likes

I modified our tandem so the stoker chainset can freewheel.

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Rik Mayals unde... | 4 years ago
7 likes

The stuff they never tell you:

You make yourself a target for crazy drivers to attempt to kill you, then blame you for not paying road tax or using the cycle path that they have paid for. 

There is no such thing as a tailwind. 

If is says on the forecast, a slim chance of a light shower, and you get the best bike out, it will piss down. 

There is no such thing as a tailwind. 

If you want your bike to give you hassle free miles, day in, day out, then you must clean, dry and lube it after every single ride. 

There is no such thing as a tailwind. (Battle hardened after riding in ridiculous wind, every ride, since before I can remember, it's been a long, wet, windy winter). 

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manonbike replied to Rik Mayals underpants | 4 years ago
6 likes

Not that many people are actually trying to kill you. Just a few of them are real psychopaths. The others are a mixture of oblivious, incompetent and, the vast majority, just fine. My commute is across Warwickshire though. I guess the cities harbour more wannabe murderers (especially if they get away with a fine and 3 points).

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brooksby replied to Rik Mayals underpants | 3 years ago
7 likes

biker phil wrote:

The stuff they never tell you:

There is no such thing as a tailwind. 

I've come to the conclusion that a "tailwind" is some sort of myth, like Nessie or a free and fair American election.

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Jimthebikeguy.com | 4 years ago
9 likes

The stuff they never tell you; it takes over your life, saves your mental health, gets you out, makes you awesome, makes lots of people irrationally hate you.

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Richard_pics | 4 years ago
11 likes

The stuff they never tell you about being a cyclist:

You're F@king Awesome.

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Jetmans Dad replied to Richard_pics | 3 years ago
0 likes

Richard_pics wrote:

The stuff they never tell you about being a cyclist:

You're F@king Awesome.

Except at the end of a ride, when my wife assures me I "F@king smell" and warns me to keep me hands off her until I have had a shower. 

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