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BUYER'S GUIDE

Christmas gifts for discerning cyclists — a guide to unearthing the ideal gift for the fastidious fussy cyclist in your life

Don’t even think about a pizza cutter or a wacky jersey, because our Everything-Just-So VecchioJo is here to find the perfect present for the punctilious pedaller

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Trying to find the right gift for 'that' cycling person in your life can feel like hopelessly sweeping a metal detector across a field - a large field, a large muddy field, and a lot of things that might be suitable don’t even show up with a promising bleep, and you’re actually stepping through a minefield. Luckily VecchioJo is here to guide you across the perilous mire and ensure that what you think might be a great present is less Fanta ring-pull and more Viking hoard.


For those of you not yet acquainted, this gift guide for the discerning cyclist shouldn't be confused with our money-no-object guide, that is more aimed at those who just appreciate expensive things. There are items on this list that are expensive, of course, but expensive items for those with a certain acquired taste that we can't quite put our finger on. Hopefully you get the picture...

The best Christmas gifts for discerning cyclists: our top picks

Zanco Tiny T1

Zanco Tiny T1 - the 'world's smallest 3GB mobile phone'

10
A tiny Instagram-free phone for off-grid adventures
Buy now for £34.95 from Amazon

A bike ride is a great way to escape the world - but these days it’s hard to totally disconnect from the global binfire, traumas of daily life and people wanting to contact you 24/7, as there’s that slab of technology in your back pocket buzzing and bleeping its constant need for attention. Of course, you also need it to sync your route and watts otherwise it never happened.

While it would be great to leave that needy device at home, there’s the element of genteel safety that a phone offers, and the opportunity to call for the team car if really needed, something that has become increasingly and difficult now that public phoneboxes have disappeared (ironically, thanks to the ubiquity of mobile phones). You can, however, tuck the reassurance of a mobile phone without the heavy weight of All The World in your right rear pocket with the Zanco Tiny T1 Phone.

We first saw what they claim is the world’s smallest mobile phone in a cycling context at the Gravel World Championships this year. Measuring 47mm x 21mm x 12mm and weighing only 13 grams, it’s easy to pop in a pocket and completely forget about until it’s absolutely necessary, and you can’t doomscroll Facebook on it either. The Zanco Tiny T1 also has a standby time of up to three days, so if you’re the type of rider who likes to disappear for days on end, its long battery life makes it even more, um, handy in an emergency.

Butter Bike Peanut Butter

Butter Bike Peanut Butter

10
Peanut butter, but cycling
Buy now for £5.75 from Butter Bike

It is the Second Rule Of Christmas Presents (the First Rule being socks) that you will receive a gift that somehow relates to your interest or hobby. Golf, owls and steam trains are all favourites, but as you ride a bike then you’ll probably experience a Generation Game conveyor belt of cycling-themed gifts which quite often invoke the First Rule too. If you’re going to get something with a bike on it, it makes sense that it might actually be useful... and who hasn’t keenly fingered a jar of peanut butter at the end of a hard ride?

Based in Hampshire, founder Jeni would pedal her various peanut butter blends around her hometown by bike, hence the name. Palm oil and refined sugar-free, Butter Bike peanut butter comes in Almost Smooth, Rugged and a range of flavours including Gingerbread and Smoked Chilli if you’re jaunty with your toast. If you’re getting the miles in you should probably just get the 1kg tub. Not to be confused with Bum Butter in any cycling situation...

cycling photo

An evocative cycling photo

10
Show only those who know that you're a Cyclist
Buy now for £89 from davidtphotography.com

Sometimes you can show your love for cycling without being overtly 'Cycling', and the admiration can come from the beauty that lies within the association and that understanding.

To many viewers, this collection of prints could be merely photographs of hills and roads, but to others they’re images that bring with them pain, history, stories, battles and victory. Photographer David Tedman was once the youngest member of the GB Olympic cycling training squad, and harboured ambitions to climb these mountains and win the Tour de France. That didn’t happen, and the original intention for the creation of his gallery of iconic European cycling climbs was to put to rest the ghost of much-cherished unfulfilled dream. We’re not sure if he’s comes to terms with that yet, but his photographs do make us want to go ride on them, which is a success in our eyes.

Daysaver Essential8 Tool

Daysaver Essential8 Tool

10
A discerning tool to help out your fellow cyclists on the road
Buy now for £40 from Daysaver

The Discerning Cyclist always leaves the house with their bike in perfect performing condition, because squeaks, rattles and clunks would bring shame upon themselves and their family. The Discerning Cyclist, therefore, has very little use for a tool whilst out on the road, but it’s prudent to have an Every Ride Carry to hand should anything untoward happen, or they chance upon a fellow wheelman in distress.

The Daysaver Essential8 tool is shaped like an Allen key, but promises a lot more with 8, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2.5 and 2mm Hex keys, plus a Torx 25 nesting within the tool body and held in place by magnets. Weighing only 33 grams, the plasma coated, corrosion resistant stainless steel tool will easily hide in the corner of a pocket or pouch, although we’d recommend the Hug elastic rubber sleeve to keep both the tool and yourself protected.

> Daysaver Essential8 & Coworking5 Bundle

Demon Pint Al.

Demon Pint Al.

10
For the discerning chugger
Buy now for £125 from Demon Frameworks

Demon have been making drinking vessels out of stainless steel for a while now, but the largest only holds a paltry 380ml, which is no use at all if you’ve got a proper post-ride thirst on. It was unfeasible to make this larger 600ml vessel out the same expensive and heavy material, so 6082 aluminium had to be employed instead.

As with the other cups, the pint chalices are precision machined in small batches and individually hand finished before being hard anodised, which gives them this mid-grey battleship colour. It’s definitely a statement pint, blending art-deco, brutalism and industrial design that lets people know you’re serious about your drinking, whether that’s a beer or a nice hot blackcurrant cordial.

SimWorks x Honjo Mudguards

SimWorks x Honjo Mudguards

10
Seriously stylish mudguards
Buy now for £105 from Fresh Tripe

The discerning rider knows that if you want to make your winterval (and large parts of the summer) riding 97% more pleasurable - and your riding companions 163% more appreciative of your presence - then mudguards are absolutely the way to go. Honzo are based in the Sumida ward of Tokyo, an area which has a long history of craftsmanship, and they have been fashioning mudguards out of sheet metal since 1949. They make a vast array of guards to fit all bikes and wheel sizes in shiny, matte, hammered and black finishes. The SimWorks collaboration matte black flat mudguards are our favourite, because they’ll go with everything and the quality fixings are a delight.

Château Pesquié ‘Edition 1912m' 2021/22, Ventoux

Château Pesquié ‘Edition 1912m' 2021/22, Ventoux

10
Some cycling-themed wine
Buy now for £13.99 from Majestic Wines

Show the cyclist in your life that you’ve tried a little harder than just picking one of those supermarket wines with a drawing of a bike on the label, with this bottle of Château Pesquié ‘Edition 1912m’.

Château Pesquié is nestled between the villages of Mormoiron, Blauvac and Ville-sur-Auzon on the southern slopes of Mont Ventoux, and enjoys the terroir of a limestone soil in one of the coolest micro-climates in the southern Rhône Valley. 'Edition 1912m' celebrates the height of the Giant of Provence (you may argue the veracity of this after the first bottle) and comes in red, white and rosé. If you mirror the Cinglés du Mont Ventoux by conquering all three in one day you might be a bit tired the next day, but you won’t get a badge...

BAIE 19 fragrance

BAIE 19 fragrance

10
A cycling scent
Buy now for £170 from Le Labo

Aside from the great smell of GT85 there are few fragrances that can express your love of cycling, because 'Rust', 'Fishy Inner Tube' and '100 Mile Chamois' aren’t notes always favoured by Chanel and Giorgio Armani. Petrichor is the favourite word that everyone knows for that wonderful smell of warm earth after rain, and it speaks of being outside and pedalling through the beauty that nature can provide. With scents of patchouli, juniper berries and green leaves, splashing BAIE 19 all over will smell a lot nicer than the puddles you ride through.

Barbieri Carbonaria Valves Set Presta Tubeless

Barbieri Carbonaria Valves Set Presta Tubeless

10
So discerning you might have to mention it
Buy now for £17.6 from Santa Fixie UK

Nothing says Discerning like being so subtle no one will ever notice, and this little bit of bike bling looks just like any bog standard black tubeless valve - but you, of course, will know better.

The Barbieri Carbonaria tubeless valves are made from “high quality” carbon and are available in a variety of lengths to suit your deep section rim of choice. There are two interchangeable rubber seals to ensure you get the perfect fit to your rim, and the tik-fix anti-unscrewing system (their words not mine) can be tightened to sit aerodynamically in line with the rim. They weigh 4g a valve, which is a tubeless fluid dribble difference to an alloy one, but that’s never stopped anyone before.

Fingerscrossed #Plus Minus Bikestand

Fingerscrossed #Plus Minus Bikestand

10
Tuck your bike out of the way artfully
Buy now for £101 from Fingerscrossed Design

Alongside their extensive and sometimes quirky clothing collection, Fingerscrossed Design offer two bike stands. Designed by Felix Pöttinger, the PlusMinus is the newer version which is exquisite in its minimalism.

Your bike can be stored without taking up much space, as the PlusMinus Stand has a minuscule 35x35cm footprint and stands 83cm tall. A detachable clip made of soft TPU plastic protects your bike frame or saddle, and felt stoppers are attached to the base to prevent scratches on the floor. It’s available in a variety of colours but the raw finish here allows the stark design aesthetic to shine, in a dull way. 

No Normal Coffee

No Normal Coffee

10
Coffee Paste that you can discerningly sip (or even eat)
Buy now for £14 from No Normal

Coffee has come a long way since Gold Blend was considered fancy, and being discerning about the drink has unfortunately drifted into increasingly annoying and eye-rolling pernickety caffeine demands and the use of scales. It’s somehow now an integral part of everyday life, and cycling is no exception, with pre- and mid-ride coffees being an essential part of any lifestyle peloton, whilst rattly coffee-making paraphernalia has become a compulsory addition to the kit list if you like to ride around with bags strapped to your bike and sleep in a hedge.

Beautifully bucking that trend, No Normal Coffee comes in a controversial tube, which should be more than enough to infuriate the coffee extremists. The paste inside is crafted from 100% Fairtrade Arabica beans and sweetened with organic Swiss beet sugar. Each tube makes enough for 20 cups of coffee, or it can be used as a spread. You could even just smootch it into your mouth for that instant hit to get you over the last hill, sort of like a dirty gel.

Moulton New Series Double Pylon

Moulton New Series Double Pylon

10
Discerningly remortgage to express your cycling individuality
Buy now for £21950 from The Traditional Cycle Shop

Such is the homologous nature of modern road bikes these days, no one knows if the new bike you’ve just turned up on for the start of the Sunday ride is a significant amount of a year’s wages, or a cut ’n’ paste special that fell off the back of the internet. The Moulton New Series Double Pylon is the perfectly expensive way to express your individuality, and throw a dash of design appreciation and respect for bicycle history into the mix.

With the distinctive stainless steel space-frame construction and innovative Moulton front and rear suspension, it’s a bike to both turn heads and showcase your individual tastes, with a full Campagnolo Super Record 12 groupset and Brooks Swift Ti leather saddle adding the icing on the very costly cake. Handmade in England, there’s currently a 12-month wait for one of these, giving you plenty of time to save, or put that year’s wages aside for next Christmas. Maybe you can buy each tube on a subscription scheme...

Jo Burt has spent the majority of his life riding bikes, drawing bikes and writing about bikes. When he's not scribbling pictures for the whole gamut of cycling media he writes words about them for road.cc and when he's not doing either of those he's pedaling. Then in whatever spare minutes there are in between he's agonizing over getting his socks, cycling cap and bar-tape to coordinate just so. And is quietly disappointed that yours don't He rides and races road bikes a bit, cyclo-cross bikes a lot and mountainbikes a fair bit too. Would rather be up a mountain.

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12 comments

Avatar
hawkinspeter | 2 days ago
0 likes

"who hasn’t keenly fingered a jar of peanut butter at the end of a hard ride?"

Image: 
Avatar
Sriracha | 2 days ago
2 likes

Ventoux wine from Lidl is half the price, has a cyclist on the label, and probably just as good - or why not buy both and have a blind tasting? Edit - crikey, pic comes out big!

Image: 
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Secret_squirrel | 6 days ago
1 like

Is it just me who thinks the first two items can be used to smuggle a phone into prison?

Avatar
Hirsute | 6 days ago
0 likes

"The paste inside is crafted from 100% Fairtrade Arabica beans and sweetened with organic Swiss beet sugar. "

Why would I want sugar ?

Avatar
Sriracha replied to Hirsute | 2 days ago
1 like

According to their website:

Quote:

Why is it sweetend?

We've designed this initial flavor to meet our needs in the Swiss Alps or on surf trips in Africa. We enjoy a light sweetness (1.5g/serving) in our coffee, as it provides an extra boost while outdoors. If there's a demand, we'll consider introducing unsweetened versions in the future.

Avatar
jimt | 6 days ago
2 likes

If anyone finds issue with any items in this list, it just proves you are not discerning enough.

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OnYerBike | 6 days ago
0 likes

Not sure what to make of this list. Some of it would genuinely please the discerning cyclist (the Daysaver is a great little tool; those Honjo mudguards are lovely - although I understand trying to fit them to be a slightly involved process). But some of it just seems odd (>£100 to smell like wet tarmac? No thanks...)

I would also suggest the star ratings are removed - I assume they've been copied in with the Buyer's Guide template, but they are a bit misleading considering road.cc haven't reviewed any of the items in this list.

On the tiny phone, I don't think I'd rely on having mobile reception for an off-grid adventure - if you want an emergency communication option that you can rely on in the middle of nowhere, I suggest you need a satellite communicator (e.g. Garmin InReach or SPOT devices).

Avatar
Capt Sisko | 6 days ago
0 likes

Zanco Tiny T1 3G Phone - I thought a lot of UK mobile network operators have been quietly switching off 3G networks to make room for 4G and 5G networks?

Avatar
mark1a replied to Capt Sisko | 6 days ago
1 like

According of ofcom, all four networks (and their dependent mvno services) will have switched off 3G by 2025. Currently, EE, Vodafone and Three are off already, with O2 to follow next year. The 2G networks will stay until 2033, I would think there too are many embedded M2M type services that rely on this (GPRS/EDGE) for it to be switched off now (vending machines, smart meters, etc). A phone like this Zanco Tiny T1 will use 2G for its basic voice and SMS functions. 

All that said, its small size (enabling it to be easily hidden) and features such as a voice changer leads me to believe that its primary use case was not to allow cyclists to carry it on long rides...

 

Avatar
Natrix replied to mark1a | 6 days ago
1 like

Looks like the sort of phone that was designed to be smuggled into prison, via a mars bar or where the sun don't shine...........

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Secret_squirrel replied to mark1a | 6 days ago
1 like

One less thing to clutter up your jersey pockets no?  Though difficult to retrieve in a hurry...

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the little onion | 1 week ago
2 likes

If the Ventoux wine doesn't do it for you, they also grow very respectable wine on the slopes of the Puy de Dome.

https://www.thewinesociety.com/product/pinot-noir-puy-de-dome-cave-saint...