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BUYER'S GUIDE

Christmas gifts for discerning cyclists — what to buy for the awkward cyclist in your life

What to buy for the picky bike rider who seemingly has everything they need? Our Just So VecchioJo picks his perfect presents for the punctilious

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Sigh, this is hard isn’t it... they’ve got everything they want, really, honestly, and what they do have has been subjected to their rigorous selection test, countless items weighed against endless others, that one perfect and yet the other one that looks exactly the same patently not up to the job and open to scorn.


Who knows what goes on inside their head and what their picky picking and approval process might be, and yet somehow you’ve got to second guess all of that and find something that meets their impossibly exacting minefield of criteria and might elicit a smile come the day and not that heart wrenchingly familiar barely disguised half grin of mild disappointment as it gets tucked down the side of a sofa cushion.

This gift guide for the discerning cyclist (not to be confused with the cyclist who just wants expensive things, for that see our money-no-object gifts for cyclists guide) might help any awkward unwrapping incidents...

The best Christmas gifts for discerning cyclists: our top picks

Fizik Tempo Artica R5 GTX Road Shoes

Fizik Tempo Artica R5 GTX Road Shoes

10
Some pristine shoes for winter panache (just don't get 'em dirty)
Buy now for £224.99 from Wiggle

It can be quite tricky to exude a level of panache when you’re out trudging the winter miles through the cold and wet where insulation and water resistance necessarily take precedence over style and good looks, especially when it’s going to get covered in crud anyway, and it’s nice to save the snazz for when the sun’s out and you can shine in all your glory... well, until now.

You can ditch your clumpy winter wellingtons and walrus flipper overshoes and cut a dash in these ice white road dancing shoes from Fizik. As an aside they’ll keep your tootsies toasty with their insulating fleece lining and the Goretex membrane will keep them dry too. If you’re worried about getting them dirty then just take them round your mum’s with your weekly wash...

Silca Titanium Bird Of Prey Bottle Opener

Silca Titanium Bird Of Prey Bottle Opener

10
For the discerning cyclist with bottle
Buy now for £44 from Saddleback

There is no shortage of cycling-related bottle openers out there: there’s the ones that look like they’re part of your workshop tool kit (because alcohol and heavy blunt tools are a good mix), there are those that are made from bits of old bike parts, there are those that you can bolt onto your bike, there are generic catalogue bought bottle openers with a bike logo etched on... and rising to soar gracefully above all of them is this.

The Bird Of Prey Bottle Opener is 3D-printed in aerospace grade 6/4 titanium and weighs a nothing 11 grams. Is it very expensive, yes. Is it horrendously over engineered for the job it has to do? Completely. Will you almost faint with giddy excitement whenever anyone asks if someone has a bottle-opener? Certainly. Will it bring you a little tumescence of joy every time you use it? Absolutely.

Terske Ultra-Low Profile Bottle Cage Bolts

Terske Ultra-Low Profile Bottle Cage Bolts

10
For the discerning titanium superfan
Buy now for £19.95 from Gone Biking Mad

There’s nothing more unsightly than the pimple of an unused bottle cage bolt ruining the clean lines of your elegant bike. With the rise and rise of gravel and bikepacking making it fashionable for bike brands put mounts wherever possible on a frame, it can make your pride and joy look like a teenager the day before a first date.

The titanium Terske Ultra-Low Profile Bolts protrude only 1.75mm from the frame and weigh 1.2g each, making them look and feel almost invisible. They can provide an alluringly minimalist mounting solution for your bottle cages as well, and are available in black, silver, oil slick, blue, purple and bronze.

La Passione Prestige Deep Winter Jacket

La Passione Prestige Deep Winter Jacket

10
For the picky all-weather cyclist
Buy now for £295 from La Passione

Designed for wearing when the temperature is skulking about zero, the Prestige Deep Winter Jacket is a no excuses bit of kit. For a single piece of clothing it comes in two halves with a soft internal thermal body covered by a DWR waterproofed three-layer membrane outer fabric armour, which can be unzipped yet leaving the inner layer zipped up should you require some ventilation.

To protect you further from the worst of the season's sleetings, the inner extends well up the neck and can cover the entire lower half of the head, ears and neck if needs be. The double inner cuff extends all the way down to the hands with thumb loops keeping it in place, totally removing the threat of annoying and chilly wrist gap.

Boxing Day is the traditional time to work off some of the previous day’s excess and play with any toys you might have received, and you will feel like a million dollars (or 295 euros) wearing this while doing the former. If that's too spendy, then there's always the less heavy duty Prestige jacket for milder days which is currently on sale

Grand Tour Coffee

Grand Tour Coffee

10
The picky cyclist's perfect pick-me-up
Buy now for £8 from Grand Tour Coffee

While some cyclists can’t leave the house or get even 20 kilometres without their caffeine, hit the discerning cyclist can take it or leave it, or at the very least not make such a bloody fuss about it, but when they do it has to be done right and well.

Grand Tour Coffee was founded by Ben Jenkins, who has worked in professional cycling for over 15 years in a key support role as member of Team Sky. He’s also been at INEOS Grenadiers for the past seven seasons. He has been part of numerous successes including three Tour de France victories, two Giro d'Italia victories and one Vuelta Espana, so you can’t get really much more cycling than that.

As you might expect all the coffees are two-wheel themed, from the decaf 'Wheel Sucker' blend to the single origin bean premium “Podium”; although the feisty Italian blend 100% Arabica 'Forza' is probably more our cup of tea (coffee). 

Albion Micro Musette

Albion Micro Musette

10
A discerning musette to carry all your discerning things
Buy now for £30 from Albion Cycling

The cycling musette seems to have drifted back into fashion amongst certain types over recent years, but this modern take on it by London cycle clothing brand Albion takes it to the next level making it less fashion accessory and something intelligently designed and genuinely useful.

The ultra-lightweight musette is made from a 100% recycled micro ripstop fabric. It also rolls up amusingly tiny so it can be stowed in a rear pocket without you even noticing until it’s needed. Leave it there until the end of the ride when you might need to pop to the shops for some milk and other bits for immediate tea and cakes sustenance and then supper, or even mid-long ride filled with petrol station snacks to see you through the next 200km or so.

Cafe Du Cyclist LouLou Neck Warmer

Cafe Du Cyclist LouLou Neck Warmer

10
Keep the chill out with gallic style
Buy now for £39 from Cafe du Cycliste

Nothing says gallic panache like a Breton stripe, any Parisienne bistro will tell you so; and while it might be a bit much for a full cycling jersey for fear of encouraging the tired old string-of-onions trope, adding it as a highlight accessory can create an elegant final flourish.

The LouLou neck warmer is made from a warm yet high wicking and fast drying 75% recycled polyester/25% merino blend. Its design means it extends well down the front neck, somewhere other warmers can only leave a chilly gap.

Crankalicious Like Pneu Tyre Cleaner

Crankalicious Like Pneu Tyre Cleaner

10
Keep those tan walls looking fresh
Buy now for £14.84 from Amazon

You could get away with a grubby tyre when they were all black, but now the tan wall tyre is very much back on trend and it’s something the tasteful cyclist approves of. It just makes a bike just look right, the eye shadow of the machine if you will.

Unfortunately tan walls can suffer from fading, discolouration from road grime and that particularly horrible brake pad sputum if you’re running rim brakes, so need sprucing up regularly if you want to avoid them looking dejected with the air of an unloved commuter bike. This is a chore significantly eased by the Like Pneu Tyre Cleaner. Even if it sounds like they came up with the name and then had to hurriedly make the product, it promises to lift dirt and grime and bring your tyres back to box-fresh iridescence...

Pedros Travel Chain Keeper

Pedros Travel Chain Keeper

10
Keep that chain looking bangtidy on the move
Buy now for £42.03 from Velozone

It's almost a Christmas rule that once you are beyond a certain age (thirteen, or whenever you stopped believing in Santa Claus) you must receive a Useful Present.

The Pedros Travel Keeper is such a thing; not something you’d probably buy yourself, but every time you use it you’d be grateful that you received it as a present back when. It’s so useful it does two things: if you’re travelling with your bike it acts as a support for the rear dropouts, so they don’t get squashed together in transit, and it will keep hold of the chain so it doesn’t flap about. When it’s not doing that, it can be used when washing the bike, allowing you to keep the chain on and give it a good soaping, while the sliding roller allows you to run through the gears.

The adjustable design fits 130mm and 135mm quick-release dropouts and all 12mm thru-axle frames up to 12x157mm. In fancy gold anodising and trademark Pedros yellow, it’s more useful than a Remington Fuzz-Away, car vacuum cleaner and Nutribullet combined.

Prendas cycling cap

Prendas cycling cap

10
Add to your discerning cycling cap selection
Buy now for £12.99 from Prendas

You can never have enough cycling caps, and the discerning cyclist knows this. Whatever N+1 is, it’s +2 for caps.

There’s the one that matches that bike, the one that matches that top, the one that matches the other bike, the one that you got doing that event, the one you picked up on holiday, the tatty one that you just can’t throw away... I could go on, but to some they can attain a status and love well beyond their humble calling.

While there is the unwritten rule that it’s poor form to wear a trade team top unless you ride for that team, there is also a sub-section to this rule that states certain trade team tops from a certain vintage are perfectly fine to wear, and could even be considered dapper if done with conviction. There is also an addendum to the rule that states you can wear a current trade top if it’s an obscure third division Italian team with 27 sponsors on, but that’s a different topic to dissect over a long bike ride.

Anyway, nothing but nothing beats the humble cotton cycling cap (call it a casquette if you must) for value and usability. It keeps the sweat and the sun out of your eyes, fends the rain off a bit too, and cycling folklore would have you believe that you can even do a poo in one.

Prendas Ciclismo have probably the most comprehensive collection of cotton cycling caps around, so you’ll have no trouble finding a cap that matches the discerning cyclist’s bike/top/socks/cycling hero.

Restrap Tyre Boot Kit

Restrap Tyre Boot Kit

10
Fix punctures with style
Buy now for £8.99 from Chain Reaction Cycles

Discerning comes in many forms, and one of them is having the wisdom to know something will be useful; perhaps not now, not in six months' time, and maybe not even in a year, but it will be just the right thing when most desperately required. The Restrap Tyre Boot Kit is made up of eight pieces of pre-cut thin, durable and tear-resistant Hypalon, specifically designed for covering potentially ride ending sidewall slashes and tread tears on a tyre, and it comes with a tube of glue to keep those patches securely in place. The kit rolls up tiny and easily forgotten about with your other ride tools until it’s needed to save the ride. It's significantly more refined than a bit of toothpaste tube, £5 note (who even carries cash these days?), or energy bar wrapper, and also comes in orange if your discerning cyclist would prefer a splash of colour. 

Personalised Ride Map

Personalised Ride Map

10
Brag (subtly) about your discerning bike rides
Buy now for £35 from English Cyclist

Whilst it is slightly vulgar to brag about how far you’ve ridden, the discerning cyclist prefers to measure a ride in the experiences and people met along the way. It’s sometimes nice to have a permanent reminder of a particular standout ride or completed personal challenge, and it doesn’t have to be showoffy.

Simply download the GPX of your chosen ride (there’s no need for it to be Epic, it could just be the ride to your favourite cafe and back, or that one you did with your bestest riding companions and had a laugh), and on the English Cyclist website, spend some time adjusting it to suit. You can have an A3 or A2 map of your particular ride. The abstract minimalism of a squiggle on a map is far more of a conversation starter than a ream of Strava stats.

Jo Burt has spent the majority of his life riding bikes, drawing bikes and writing about bikes. When he's not scribbling pictures for the whole gamut of cycling media he writes words about them for road.cc and when he's not doing either of those he's pedaling. Then in whatever spare minutes there are in between he's agonizing over getting his socks, cycling cap and bar-tape to coordinate just so. And is quietly disappointed that yours don't He rides and races road bikes a bit, cyclo-cross bikes a lot and mountainbikes a fair bit too. Would rather be up a mountain.

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19 comments

Avatar
Fignon's ghost | 12 months ago
1 like

Safety first. I highly recommend the cateye viz 450. Keeps those mobile phone drivers on their toes.

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henryb | 12 months ago
2 likes

Classic use of the meaningless "aerospace grade" on that Silca thing - "Yes, this is the metal we use for the seat armrests"

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Capt Sisko replied to henryb | 12 months ago
2 likes

In a company I used to work for we used to buy the cheapest velcro fron China. One day we had a request from a customer, 'does your flame retardant velcro conform to FAA (aircraft FR standard ABC123). The volume was worth the effort to have it tested, and it passed. Sounds impressive but it was the cheapest stuff we could buy.

Military Standard, NATO Stock Numbers, and as the man says, aerospace grade, it means Jack Sh*t.

 

 

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quiff replied to henryb | 12 months ago
3 likes

Things you wouldn't apply the moniker to: "aerospace grade cuisine".

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Steve K replied to quiff | 12 months ago
3 likes

Aerospace grade toilet facilities.

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TheBillder | 12 months ago
1 like

A tyre boot kit with 8 patches... How long do they think that'll last? 25 years or so?

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Freddy56 | 12 months ago
1 like

I call foul at the "discerning cyclists" . This just encourages elitism that is overflowing in our sport. Cyclists on a limited income are not discerning?

Think the writer should remember why they started biking and fuel that love, instead of another... the most-expensive-neck-scarf-on-the-internet,

Avatar
VecchioJo replied to Freddy56 | 12 months ago
9 likes

Discerning has nothing to do with elitism, it's having good judgement, and in this case to know what's worth the money and what isn't and that you don't have to spend a fortune to give nice things as gifts, that's covered in money-no-object gifts for cyclists guide.

So you're right, cyclists on a limited income can be discerning, which is why over half the items here are under £35.

When I started biking I had to scrimp and save to be able to afford the bits and pieces I needed and would have absolutely loved someone to buy me the most-expensive-neck-scarf-on-the-internet because they knew I could never afford it but really liked it. That's just reminded me of the Christmas I received the long-sleeved La Vie Claire top that I coveted but could never ever buy myself, I can still feel the heart leap I got when I tore the first corner of the wrapping and saw what was underneath, I lived in that jersey.

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ktache replied to VecchioJo | 12 months ago
0 likes

Some Jo Burt brand reflective bar tape would make a perfect gift for any discerning cyclist...

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Discerning Cyclist replied to VecchioJo | 12 months ago
0 likes

100% agree.

I only eat caviar at weekends.

Plus, I almost took my own bins out last week when the maid was ill (fortunately she soldiered on after I reminded her of her immigration status).

Discerning Cyclist = Man of the people.

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Discerning Cyclist replied to VecchioJo | 11 months ago
1 like

.

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ktache | 12 months ago
0 likes

That Pedro's travel chain keeper looks good.

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mark1a replied to ktache | 12 months ago
1 like

It does, however at £75.99 RRP, £42 sale price, it seems quite pricey. 

I use the Wiggle own brand Lifeline equivalent, a much more reasonable £14.99

https://www.wiggle.co.uk/lifeline-multi-adjust-chain-hanger

One for the front available in 12mm & 15mm here for £5.99

https://www.wiggle.co.uk/lifeline-12mm-frame-protector

A difference would be that you have to use the existing thru axles on these but the same objective is achieved, keeping the dropouts apart and keeping the chain under tension. 

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thax1 replied to mark1a | 12 months ago
1 like

I use the Park Tools one with both QR and thru axle bikes.

Certainly makes maintenance and cleaning simpler, but more importantly makes you feel pro. I accessorise with some mechanics black latex gloves too. Boom. Very Discerning.

 

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mark1a replied to thax1 | 12 months ago
1 like

Discerning eh? Well, I'll see your black latex gloves and raise you a Muc-Off apron...

it makes all the difference in my garage/workshop when I'm playing at being a bike mechanic 😁

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rjfrussell | 12 months ago
1 like
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Steve K | 12 months ago
0 likes

I quite like the personalised map, but no-one's going to buy it for me (at least not as a surprise) as they wouldn't know which rides to put on it.

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English Cyclist replied to Steve K | 12 months ago
1 like

Thanks for the thumbs up! But yeah this a tricky one... We do do a fair few gifts (where friends and family sneak find a particular ride on Strava - and we help get the map sorted etc) but as an alternative we offer a gift card option (https://englishcyclist.com/products/gift-cards

If all else fails, if santa sends you some cash, you can treat yourself in the new year.  4

 

PS. Thanks for including me road.cc - much appreciated!

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Steve K replied to English Cyclist | 12 months ago
0 likes

I really fancy a map covering all my rides to every Premier League football ground in 2016-17, but that probably would get too complicated anyway!