Dealing with the “i hate cyclist” rant from relatives at Christmas

i have experienced this many

i have experienced this many times with my ageing grandparents. I blame the daily mail. Every time i see them my grandfather blats on about immigrants and cyclists who dont use the cycle lane beside bournemouth airport. I explained to him once before, that it was totally inadequate, bumpy, doesnt give priority at junctions, isnt swept, isnt wide enough and is shared with walkers, but he still doesnt get it. 

My nan pipes in[ AND THEY DONT PAY A TAX!]

me- nan, ive got a car and three motorbikes, ive paid tax on all of those, and i cycle…

nan- yes but cyclists dont pay a tax, do they?

me- neither do electric car owners….

nan and gdad together- we arent talking about them, we’re talking about cyclists!

me” im going yccling, sorry i cant talk to you right now]

went cycling. 

the most ironic part was when we had the spur road, our main route in and out of this area, worked on, people kept writing to our paper, complaining they were stuck in traffic, one lady even wrote in saying she began to cry as she sat in the miles of queues.  So, i rode to the cycle path my grandad bleats on about, and it was empty. The whole two lanes of roads though, bear in mind, with a 60 mph limit? Full of cars, not moving about one mile an hour. Both lanes. Yet, nobody got out their car and told the driver in front of them to use the cycle lane. Nobody beeped at the driver in front for driving so slowly on a 60 mile per hour limit road. Nobody called the police to report the driver in front for causing an obstruction to people needing to use the road, when theres a perfectly good cycle lane they COULD use but refuse not to. Yet, if i were to cycle in primary, on that 60 mph road, at 20 mph, i would likely get beeped at, abused or even run down. So? people who tell you they hate cyclists must automatically also hate other car drivers who get in their way ALL THE TIME. I say sod people who dont like cyclists, i do, i have no issue with them, even if i have to wait to overtake them. I do have an issue when every road i see around me is lined with cars, and the news keeps telling me theres traffic jams everywhere, which is untrue, since i am never stuck in these jams….. cars are the problem to other car users, bicycles are not an issue to anyone but the people who cannot drive properly. Im attaching a video here guys, the [cycle path]]] is on my left. This is back in 2016.    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-B80NU-nIE

(No subject)

This is precisely the scenario that sealioning was invented for.

shufflingb wrote:

Avoid insulting the person (or their beliefs), getting angry or bombarding them with facts, (see https://heleo.com/facts-dont-change-peoples-minds-heres/16242/) Doing any of these is likely to doom the cause no matter how tempting it can sometimes be.

 

Instead, try using reframing https://www.connerpartners.com/frameworks-and-processes/the-basics-of-reframing and coaching/questioning techniques to help the individual discover the facts from the person they trust the most, i.e. themselves.

 

It can be hard work and the more established the position is the harder it will be to shift. However, like everything, practice helps; so if up to it, the Mail Online’s comments section can be a good practice resource   😉 

 

Good luck.

And you reckon those techniques would work with someone not even willing to engage beyond ‘hate’, ‘road tax’, ‘always jump red lights’ etc?

Even the link uses ‘changing the way employees engage with customers’ as it’s example. I use a similar sort of technique at work when training professionals – instead of assessing and debriefing by way of a list of things they didn’t do right with immediate training input of how they should have done it, I and all trainers use a facilitative technique which is where you facilitate a discussion between the professionals under training and get them to identify what they did well (and more important,y why it was good) and what they would do differently, again the ‘why’ being the key. Most professionals know what they did wrong, and most know what they should have done. We need to get down to why they did it wrong and then they can learn for next time. Only if they don’t know what they did wrong or how to put it right, would I as a trainer offer training input.

Now that only works when the people I am facilitating (as in leading the discussion by way of just asking questions) buy into the technique – if they don’t then it will fall flat on its arse and the only way then is to tell. 

I suspect the technique you have offered regarding changing the minds of anti-cyclists would be similar – the theory is great, but these people really don’t want to engage – they just want to tell you  about their hatred for this out group and give their (uneducated) and very predictable reasoning.

PP

Avoid insulting the person

Avoid insulting the person (or their beliefs), getting angry or bombarding them with facts, (see https://heleo.com/facts-dont-change-peoples-minds-heres/16242/) Doing any of these is likely to doom the cause no matter how tempting it can sometimes be.

Instead, try using reframing https://www.connerpartners.com/frameworks-and-processes/the-basics-of-reframing and coaching/questioning techniques to help the individual discover the facts from the person they trust the most, i.e. themselves.

It can be hard work and the more established the position is the harder it will be to shift. However, like everything, practice helps; so if up to it, the Mail Online’s comments section can be a good practice resource   😉 

Good luck.

“Never argue with an idiot.

“Never argue with an idiot. they will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience” George Carlin.

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Go outside, get in your car
Go outside, get in your car and promptly run over all the neighbourhood kids on their new bikes. That will show them who the real danger is.