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As important as discovery of fire, says inventor

This might be the ultimate East London hipster accessory: a coffee grinder powered by a fixed-wheel bike. But it might also be a very deadpan spoof. The Hoxtonite collision of cycling, coffee and beards has got so silly we’re struggling to tell. You decide.

According to its website, Gear Grinder mounts on the left seatstay of your singlespeed, is driven by the fixed sprocket on a flip-flop hub and can grind up to 20g of coffee.

It’s the brainchild of Dan Hill and Dave Buonaguidi, a couple of beardie fellas from London ad agency Karmarama who say that it “allows cycle loving coffee aficionados to grind their morning brew the best way possible, by foot.”

Dan Hill said: “There's a clear, often moustachioed, overlap between those who love great coffee and ride fixed-gear bikes to work every morning. We saw that as a brilliant opportunity. As far as I’m concerned this is up there with the discovery of fire and the creation of the internet in its value to the people of earth. We are massively excited about bringing something totally unique to market.”


Dave and Dan

Dave Buonaguidi added: “I have been riding fixed wheel and drinking double espresso religiously for ten years. I also believe that hand or foot grinding is better than machine grinding because the imperfections in the ‘analogue’ grinding process creates an unevenness which adds to the subtle notes of the coffee flavour. The Gear Grinder is a personal dream that has finally been realized.”

Discovery of fire? ‘Analogue’ grinding process? We sincerely hope they’re not serious. If they are, they're asking £350 a time for a Gear Grinder.

You may remember Karmarama as the ad agency that rode into a storm of adverse publicity last year over a cack-handed bike safety campaign that suggested not being a “stupid twat” as a solution to the problem of cycling deaths.

Signs appeared around London with limericks detailing the deaths of fictitious cyclists, and referring to a website - ride-smart.org - that pointed out that 3,000 cyclists per year are killed or seriously injured.

The site went on to claim: “Cyclists riding like stupid twats cause a percentage of these accidents so lots of accidents, injuries and deaths could therefore be avoided." The site listed the most twattish things you could apparently do, which in order of twattishness were jumping red lights, cycling with headphones, not having lights at night and just "being stupid".

We critiqued the campaign in some detail, and it was widely pilloried by cycling groups and safety experts. Karmarama subsequently apologised and claimed that the campaign was cooked up by an employee acting alone.

Our official grumpy Northerner, John has been riding bikes for over 30 years since discovering as an uncoordinated teen that a sport could be fun if it didn't require you to catch a ball or get in the way of a hulking prop forward.

Road touring was followed by mountain biking and a career racing in the mud that was as brief as it was unsuccessful.

Somewhere along the line came the discovery that he could string a few words together, followed by the even more remarkable discovery that people were mug enough to pay for this rather than expecting him to do an honest day's work. He's pretty certain he's worked for even more bike publications than Mat Brett.

The inevitable 30-something MAMIL transition saw him shift to skinny tyres and these days he lives in Cambridge where the lack of hills is more than made up for by the headwinds.

26 comments

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jason.timothy.jones [293 posts] 3 years ago
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Well at least they didn't try and pimp it on kickstarter....they would have made a fortune  1

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KiwiMike [1270 posts] 3 years ago
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Burn.

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farrell [1946 posts] 3 years ago
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I suspect that Dan and Dave could benefit from having their cocks kicked off.

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nowasps [515 posts] 3 years ago
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You're being laughed at, guys...

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jason.timothy.jones [293 posts] 3 years ago
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If it had a milk frother/heater then there maybe.

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allez neg [496 posts] 3 years ago
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I'll stick to the dynamo driven charger for my beard trimmer.

It's designed by a bunch of passionate and committed engineering artisans in Portland who were tired of The Man (as represented by big electric companies) profiteering fron those needing to keep a really well trimmed beard that doesn't catch the macchiato froth.

It's available in recycled packaging from all good Hackney bike shops, craftsmen made in China by people equally passionate, so much so that they left education early and willingly work 18 hour days lovingly crafting them. Or is that Apple?

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jellysticks [95 posts] 3 years ago
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Pretty funny

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factor41 [20 posts] 3 years ago
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What was that they were saying about twats?

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gazza_d [469 posts] 3 years ago
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But Karmarama was also responsible for the "don't be a tw*t" adverts targeted at cyclists a while back. "not officially sanctioned" allegedly.

Need to take their own advice

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Jones The Steam [36 posts] 3 years ago
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farrell wrote:

I suspect that Dan and Dave could benefit from having their cocks kicked off.

This made me snort tea across my desk.

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allez neg [496 posts] 3 years ago
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Actually I wish they'd had the balls to stand by their 'Twat' campaign.

If you took it as cyclists talking to cyclists then in some ways its quite good, and using humour (albeit of very questionable taste) rather than patrician preaching might have struck a few chords. I can however see how a non cyclist could have perceived it

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jarredscycling [456 posts] 3 years ago
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Further proof that riders of fixies should be kept at arms length or more

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Cauld Lubter [135 posts] 3 years ago
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Must have; want; will surely die without.
Nah, I'll pass, thanks.
Prefer instant, anyway.

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MPMax [10 posts] 3 years ago
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First thoughts: 'Nice gimmick. Incredibly unnecessary.

After seeing the price: 'This is the worst invention on the planet.'

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Guyz2010 [304 posts] 3 years ago
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You'd never hear your bottom bracket bearing failing would you.

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Doctor Fegg [146 posts] 3 years ago
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This is so Portlandia it's untrue.

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WolfieSmith [1365 posts] 3 years ago
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Either the indignant squealers are taking the piss or the hardened readers of Road.CC are more gullible than I thought. It's a hoax. They'll have the Viz Top Tips puncture detector next. The tin bath full of water on the rear rack?

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gmrza [20 posts] 3 years ago
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Is it a conical burr grinder? No hipster worth his salt would consider anything else!

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offshore_dave [63 posts] 3 years ago
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350 quid?

Arf!

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jason.timothy.jones [293 posts] 3 years ago
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I think it is a burr, beans in the top, comes out the bottom....

Im so disappointed that no one has made a joke about using it to grind a particular herbal product that is favoured by certain hipsters....shame on you all  24

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OldRidgeback [2727 posts] 3 years ago
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Dan looks like he could do with riding a few more miles to help get rid of his belly.

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joncrel [9 posts] 3 years ago
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Yes its a probably ceramic burr grinder. It appears to be a japanese porlex coffee hand grinder (£32 - and I thought they were expensive), with a bit of aluminium riveted on, and a sprocket, shaft and gear. £350? I guess this is what passes for 'creative marketing' these days (used to be called hustling).

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Veloacciaio [18 posts] 3 years ago
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Out a Rapha sticker on it and £350 sounds about right

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Northernbike [228 posts] 3 years ago
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jason.timothy.jones wrote:

If it had a milk frother/heater then there maybe.

That is available as well I believe, but only for girls' bikes  11

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GrahamB [3 posts] 3 years ago
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This is a different thread I'm afraid. I was just incensed by their cowardly excuse for the campaign.
No professional media outfit launches anything, let alone a whole campaign, without oversight by executives. Blaming "an employee" is a plain lie and inexcusable.

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PhilRuss [391 posts] 3 years ago
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farrell wrote:

I suspect that Dan and Dave could benefit from having their cocks kicked off.

[[[[[ What cocks?
P.R.