It’s every male rider’s worst nightmare: you crash and go over the bars, but the family jewels hit the stem - and stay there. That’s what happened to a teenager in China, but thanks to quick intervention by a passer-by and some skilled surgeons, he has been restored to wholeness.
Xiao Pan, 19, was riding his bike on a farm when he crashed into a tree. He was thrown forward by the impact and caught his scrotum on the handlebars, tearing his testicles from his body, according to a report on Metro.
A police spokesman said: “He was on a slope, the bike was gaining speed and when he applied the brakes, they didn’t work. He smashed directly into the tree.”
Surgeons took nine hours to reattach the teenager’s testicles, which were retrieved by emergency services after the alarm was raised.
Motorist Lo Feng, 45, said: “I rushed down to him and he was in a bad way. He pointed to this blood clump and said: ‘My balls, rescue my balls.’”
“I didn’t touch them, I just staunched his blood flow and called for the medics on my mobile.
“I pointed out what he had said when they arrived and they picked them up and placed them in a box of ice.”
Mr Pan is reported to be in a stable condition. He expected to be sexually functional when he recovers, but it’s not yet known whether his fertility will be affected.
Our official grumpy Northerner, John has been riding bikes for over 30 years since discovering as an uncoordinated teen that a sport could be fun if it didn't require you to catch a ball or get in the way of a hulking prop forward.
Road touring was followed by mountain biking and a career racing in the mud that was as brief as it was unsuccessful.
Somewhere along the line came the discovery that he could string a few words together, followed by the even more remarkable discovery that people were mug enough to pay for this rather than expecting him to do an honest day's work. He's pretty certain he's worked for even more bike publications than Mat Brett.
The inevitable 30-something MAMIL transition saw him shift to skinny tyres and these days he lives in Cambridge where the lack of hills is more than made up for by the headwinds.