Christmas gifts for cyclists, actually, no.

Oh it's a pizza cutter! Just packed one of those away whilst boxing up John's kitchen.

When I ride,
I am like a giraffe in a cement mixer,
wanging this way and that,
uncoordinated.

When I ride,
wind, rain, hills, pain,
make me want to hide in the local cafe, with cake,
a pint of tea and a rushed poo just as they leave.

When I ride,
I stop, I moan, I rearrange my balls in these bloody bibshorts,
training when I do the washing-up enough, once a month on Sundays, getting fatter.

When I ride,
I bonk easily,
and I sit on the curb staring at the razor cuts on my knees,
waiting for Alan to pick me up in his Audi estate.

since you live nearby vecchiojo ,you'll know that crawley IS hell and you should get a medal for riding around it's urban areas....although the Crawley wheelers wont agree!
Oh, I have the book too...got it for Christmas.....

I have the book It's used as a doorstop for the bike shed door these days
My son has a medal rack...But he's only 9

The technical term for one of those little vases is a tussy mussy; Hercule Poirot had one, albeit not on his bike.

aslongasicycle wrote:

When I ride,
I am like a giraffe in a cement mixer,
wanging this way and that,
uncoordinated.

When I ride,
wind, rain, hills, pain,
make me want to hide in the local cafe, with cake,
a pint of tea and a rushed poo just as they leave.

When I ride,
I stop, I moan, I rearrange my balls in these bloody bibshorts,
training when I do the washing-up enough, once a month on Sundays, getting fatter.

When I ride,
I bonk easily,
and I sit on the curb staring at the razor cuts on my knees,
waiting for Alan to pick me up in his Audi estate.

So you know how Rapha tuck a garments 'story' inside a pocket-liner or whatever? Well, I dare you to print this in its place on a Vulpine item!

Old Guys Rule is a pretty cool, mainly surf brand, their other cycling shirts are good too.

Motivational sticker:
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."

themartincox wrote:

MercuryOne wrote:

One of those stupid little bags that goes in your top tube to hold gels in would be my number 11. Fine for triathletes with no pockets but just prissy for long rides.

I guess it depends on your definition of long ride though....I'm after one of the top tube, and one for the bars for a long ride in summer

I have one of the Topeak Tri bag ones - http://www.topeak.com/products/bags/TriBag_raincover

It's a genius bit of kit. I use it on all-day epics - like 200km plus. Holds an iphone, small digital camera, CO2 inflator and spare external battery for the phone (using it for GPS nav and Strava, so you need it after 8hrs).

Personally, for anything longer than 8hrs 'The Rules' go out the window.

I'd add another 'cyclist's essentials kit' consisting of:

• - a multi-tool of a weight that would indicate it made from cast iron with lead embellishment, but a strength that shows it's clearly formed from old Kit Kat foil
• - a bidon, always coloured anthracite presumably due to some EU regulation or other, featuring a flip-top cap that's impossible to open using one's teeth.
• - set of tyre levers with the strength and durability of bic biro pen lids
• - inner tube of indeterminate size. With a Schrader valve.
• - a pump, sized somewhere between pocket and frame pump size thereby necessitating inclusion of a proprietary frame mount should I wish to take it out on a ride (which I wouldn't, being as I like my tyres inflated just a tad above the 18psi that it asthmatically gives up at).

And, lest you think the whole gift is destined for landfill:

• - a puncture repair kit, which will eventually be used.
• - set of cheap and cheerful led lights, which are always useful to leave at work/in the car for when you, friends, or colleagues forget.

I'd have all of them. I'm not that suck up my own arse.

alexb wrote:

It would be genius if it was waterproof, but it's not and it fills up with water during heavy rain, thus destroying all the kit stored in it. They're rubbish. Buy a handlebar bag and have done with it.

Well, during a 1hr descent of Furkapass in torrential rain and high wind over summer (the time should give you an idea of just how abysmal the weather was), my iPhone was quite happy, as was the non-waterproof external USB battery sharing the same pocket. Maybe if you didn't make sure the elasticated hem was in place, yes, after a long time, it might get wet. But that's a user issue. I fail to see how a 'handlebar bag' couldn't suffer from exactly the same waterproofness issues.

So I see your claim of 'rubbish' and raise you an anecdote of 'quite happy with it thankyou very much' along with a side-order of '4.3/5 stars from 210 reviews on Wiggle http://www.wiggle.co.uk/topeak-tri-bag-with-rain-cover '

My only gripe (and where I agree with some reviewers) is the length of the velcro straps. In this regard, Topeak have to try and accommodate every possible bike frame, from skinny steel to 6"-wide carbon monstrosities you could balance an espresso on. I managed to get a good (but not perfect) fit on steel.

Wesselwookie wrote:

I'd have all of them. I'm not that suck up my own arse.

Stuck not suck.

#11
Rouleur figurines, mugs and other overpriced worthless chuff that rapha donned people on their winter hack Super Record equipped Colnago ride seem to purchase to feed their wildly overrated superiority of cycling and its heritage, as if by owning a 6" plastic model of Merckx (£40) makes you feel the mud on your face and the challenge of choosing your 6 speed gear ration for the Koppenberg in 71.

Yes, you've read the rules of Velominati, now go buy a copper dog taking a crap.