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Mr Penis Head holds forthVideo: "My name is Penis Head" — meet Britain's sweariest driver
Sometimes helmetcam riders get talking to drivers who’ve done stupid things and the conversation goes no further than a simple apology, albeit often followed by “mate, I didn’t see you”. But sometimes, despite being clearly in the wrong, a driver will go right off the deep end anyway, like the chap here who we’re going to call Mr Penis Head, since he says that’s his name.
It’s one of the few repeatable things he does say and you’ll want to turn down the volume if your workmates have tender ears.
In the video, the rider who goes by the YouTube handle Urbane is crossing a roundabout at what appears to be the end of Harbourne Gardens in Southampton.
As the rider approaches the first exit from the roundabout, Mr Penis Head, driving a Jaguar with stickers and logos enters the roundabout. The rider sounds his horn and after the driver stops and reverses into the roundabout a full and frank exchange of views follows, with Mr Penis Head delivering most of the frankness.
In his comments on YouTube, Urbane says: “I thought I was pretty diplomatic, considering the circumstances” and we tend to agree. Here’s how it went down in his own words:
Parental Advisory... Excessive swearing, aggressive behavior and stupid driving.
This rabid loon is called, by his own admission, Penishead Cockfacedcunt ;-0 although it said Mark on his sticker.
He is probably an inspirational figurehead and a fine representative for PowerSlideRides (logos and his name conveniently plastered all over his XJS), but I fear he may have had a tad too much high octane go-go juice in his veins, when he nearly ran me over this morning. Perhaps he had been drinking diesel instead of petrol that morning.
I hit my horn, as a warning, before the car is even on the roundabout, and (despite what he says) you can see that I am easily half way across before the car rips past, narrowly missing me on my bike.
He screeched to a halt and reversed round the roundabout (!) to confront me for having the temerity to honk my horn at him. But he soon scuttled back into his vehicle when I was not intimidated by his shiny piston shaped head and aggressive swearing.
I thought I was pretty diplomatic, considering the circumstances, if he had just said sorry everything would have been quickly forgotten. But now, I'm going to let the viewers decide...
Who do you think is being aggressive? 
While Mr Penis Head doesn't manage the sheer delivery speed and quantity of expletives of the previous holder of the title of Britain's Sweariest Driver, we think he makes up for it with a wider range of creative abuse. Coincidentally, or perhaps not if you believe that the car you drive says something about your personality - both of the potty mouthed protaganists drive Jags.
We should point out that although the car in this video clearly displays the name, phone numbers and website of a business that doesn't necessarily mean that the driver is associated with those phone numbers - and as the business in question has so far proved uncontactable the true identity of the driver cannot be verified - except that he goes by the name of Penis Head.
John has been writing about bikes and cycling for over 30 years since discovering that people were mug enough to pay him for it rather than expecting him to do an honest day's work.
He was heavily involved in the mountain bike boom of the late 1980s as a racer, team manager and race promoter, and that led to writing for Mountain Biking UK magazine shortly after its inception. He got the gig by phoning up the editor and telling him the magazine was rubbish and he could do better. Rather than telling him to get lost, MBUK editor Tym Manley called John’s bluff and the rest is history.
Since then he has worked on MTB Pro magazine and was editor of Maximum Mountain Bike and Australian Mountain Bike magazines, before switching to the web in 2000 to work for CyclingNews.com. Along with road.cc founder Tony Farrelly, John was on the launch team for BikeRadar.com and subsequently became editor in chief of Future Publishing’s group of cycling magazines and websites, including Cycling Plus, MBUK, What Mountain Bike and Procycling.
John has also written for Cyclist magazine, edited the BikeMagic website and was founding editor of TotalWomensCycling.com before handing over to someone far more representative of the site's main audience.
He joined road.cc in 2013. He lives in Cambridge where the lack of hills is more than made up for by the headwinds.
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192 comments
Seems legit. I'm sure that there are lots of people who would think it perfectly reasonable to set up a false email account to anonymously warn a total stranger that his company is linked on this clown's website. Doesn't seem at all far fetched.
Would you care to explain how this would be possible? If the driver was driving in a lawful manner, he would be behind the swerving cyclist. The driver would not need to alter his course at all. Unless, of course, the driver is overtaking, in which case he would be giving the cyclist same amount of room as if he were passing a car, and again the driver would not need to alter his course. He would have left ample room for a cyclist to swerve.
The only way the car would need to be taking evasive action would be if the driver was driving in an unsafe manner. Would that be the rider's fault?
I thought it funny that in all the fuss no one has pointed out that this guy's head, does indeed, look like a penis.
HarryJ the more you look into this the more you will come to accept that what may at first seem apparent is not born out by facts, you seem a reasonable guy so I'm sure you will get there in the end. You will find that there are problems caused by lack of infrastructure, education and enforcement but most of the crap is caused by dickheads. Dickheads of course can use any form of conveyance, you never know who they are until too late and when two meet hilarity usually ensues.
It seems the thread has gone a little OT so please could we take a brief interlude in this riveting argument that we have had numerous times before with various folk to have another laugh at Mr "Penishead Cockfacedcunt"
I do hope that you made a trip to your local Police team and showed them the video, he has committed driving without due care, and public order offences. Best of all it's been recorded for the magistrates to watch.
He truly is a penis head.
Usually road users give way to their right.
The cyclist looked right and saw it was safe to proceed.
The motorist was on the left and did not give the traffic to his right right of way.
So replace the cyclist with a motor vehicle and the situation would have been a front/side impact accident.
I'm a motorist 98% of the time, but a triathlete the rest of the time.
"So the answer is - don't overtake? in theory yes i agree but practically who wants to drive everywhere at the speed of a bike?
So where do you go from there?"
Get a bike?
Can we avoid the use of "accident" please, crashes may not be deliberate but most are avoidable, therefore not an accident.
Harry_J wrote:
imagine a cyclist swerving suddenly, a car avoiding him and crashing into another?
Or her. It's called not giving sufficient space.
This. Somehow, some drivers seem to have this notion that it's perfectly acceptable not to leave a sufficient safety distance to the road user in front. They are habitually breaking the law and putting others at risk, and then are offended if you point it out to them.
Have to agree, just give video to the police to decide. Quite clearly the cyclist looked to their right, and entered the roundabout when safe to do so. The car was absolutely flying along! Quite clearly didn't look or didn't see the cyclist. The driver is clearly at fault here. Sure the reversing back round corner and bursting into road rage isn't that legal either. Attempts to defend his actions are pointless
Just to drag this hilarious thread a little bit back towards topic, I remain incredulous at drivers such as this. It seems a prevalent attitude amongst the 4 wheeled community (of which I am also one, 2 cars on the drive, 2 motorcycles in the garage, one of which is about to be chopped in for a new one (woohoo!) and 3 bicycles gently purring in their stable) that they are not, under any circumstance, allowed to be criticised by a cyclist, regardless of what they may have done wrong. I'll elaborate. Car driver commits driving error. Be it close pass, high speed close pass, close pass through pinch point, left hook, overtaking directly towards you, SMIDSY, just don't fucking see you or care either way 'cos you're just a cyclist. Said cyclist shows their displeasure at what the driver's done, as in this case. Driver then further abuses cyclist, either by gesture, verbally or physically. The physically never happens to me, unfortunately, despite being my lowest weight for years, I still look like a cage fighter, but my point is this; the driver's fucked up, but they are not allowed to be criticised. They've done something wrong, but as "just a cyclist", you're not allowed to make any comment or indication that their near miss, which would've seriously hurt or even killed you, has made you unhappy. However, not only are they "allowed" to execute such a manouevre, if you do happen to show your ire at it, they are further allowed to act in a selfish and entitled manner and call your pint a puff. Why is this? Do people go through some sort of mindshift when they get behind the wheel of a car? Or are we, as a society, incapable of accepting criticism, especially when in control of a two ton motorised vehicle? Maybe it's just me...
Nope, it's not just you. I think some of it has to do with how we as a society regard cars. Yes, they may have made an error but they're the grown ups operating the grown up stuff, and you're just playing with your kids toy, how dare you criticise them ...
And some of it of course has to do with such people being complete and utter muppets regardless of whether they're in a car or not. It's not all drivers - I've had some drivers apologise to me, and I do not look like a cage fighter.
Wow this is still going?
Ok i've not got the energy to read all the post made since my last one in full but this one caught my eye
srchar, we may well know each other
especially if you know what what happening at Dunsfold today and tomorrow ....
I'm not expecting to change anyones mind on here, but i do expect to hear opinions that differ from my own so i can add those to my cerebral database and draw on them.
In legal terms there's nothing new but in terms of opinions i have learnt...
)
Having said that, i am concerned that i'm being accused either of being the person in the video or a simple troll (or an idiot - which sadly seems to be the least insulting of the 3
I still feel you guys are not getting my actual point of view... as you've said above - people are debunking what they think are my theories. The reason i keep coming back to it is that I don't think they get what my actual point is... either because they are misreading my posts or more likely that i'm not putting it well.
so.........
i'm not saying things shouldn't change, i'm not saying car drivers are saints and cyclists are sinners i'm just saying that it's dangerous out there, cyclists are the most vulnerable and most other road users are unaware of their responsibilities in light of that.
Therefore in my opinion (and i reiterate this being the status quo I perceive which i do not feel is fair but is a reality in my view) cyclists have to understand that the burden of responsibility for their safety falls upon their own shoulders and that cyclists cannot rely on the law, cannot count on drivers to suddenly become cyclist aware and cyclists as the vulnerable should take on the mindset that being in the right does not keep you safe.
You may feel the last point is redundant but for me, that is the one that a lot of cyclists don't take on board and for me that is the scariest thing.
That's my view of how things are now.... it's taken me this long to say it in such clear terms so i'm sorry about that but perhaps not responding to specific accusations makes it easier to put a point across.... or maybe it doesn't let's see......
Harry_J, no one here is saying that being in the right keeps you safe. I'm not sure who you're trying to convince of that because I'm not seeing anyone needing to be convinced there.
However, the trouble with your position as expressed in that paragraph there is that as a cyclist, you can ride as safely as you want and you can still get wiped out by an idiot who drives his or her car carelessly. Trust me when I say that an experienced bicycle commuter can pretty much be relied upon to do everything right. But that doesn't keep him or her safe from dangerous muppets like the one in the video.
You will notice that the cyclist in the video did everything right. He looked to his right hand side to ensure that he was clear for entering the roundabout. He even managed to brake in time for a road user that did everything wrong.
So, I'm not sure what you are suggesting for us to do, other than what most of us are already doing, i.e. riding defensively and in accordance with the rules of the road. We already understand that. But do you understand that that still doesn't protect us from dangerous drivers? What is your point here? Maybe you really are not putting it well.
I also have to say, as others have already pointed out, that the story which you put forward here about what led you to this thread on this website isn't exactly what I would call plausible. Bit dodgy, TBH.
Harry_J = TROLL
IMHO the most likely explanation is that it's actually "Mr Penishead Cockfacedcunt" himself. After calming down somewhat he must have realised that pulling that kind of stunt with his company name written in nice big letters on his car in front of a camera wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done, and proceeded to google about it, found this thread, and figured he'd attempt some damage control by trying to convince everyone that this wasn't Mark because "Mark had hair some years ago". Over the course of the next 48 hours this certainly morphed into a hopeless attempt at trolling seeing how he wasn't getting anywhere.
This doesn't mean that he shouldn't expect to have his views challenged - it also doesn't mean that he couldn't possibly learn something from the experience.
Anyone checked the video timings? Approaching the roundabout the car covers approaching 30 feet in 0.2 seconds, and then check the distance he takes to stop after noticing that the cyclist has crashed/stopped abruptly. Not exactly 30mph - especially when the revving engine is also clearly heard on the approach.
Camera position/angle could have been better though, a bit too much sky.
Here's what you're too wedded to your 'theory' to understand:
We're 100% aware that despite using road craft well, following the Highway Code, and being defensive, we're not safe because (some) drivers simply don't want to bother being careful drivers.
We take that as fact, but refuse to let those drivers be excused for their dangerous negligence.
I totally get that, and as one of the few non abusers left in the conversation I thank you...
I'm not wedded to my theory - what you've actually written is the whole crux of what i have been saying......
Where i disagree is your point about being 100% aware of the situation.
I have no doubt you personally are aware, However I do not feel you can speak for every cyclist and whilst that doesn't excuse the car drivers one iota it does make me wonder if those who lack that awareness do so out of lack of care, lack of knowledge or straightforward belligerence....
I feel all of the above hold, some cyclists are great some are ignorant, some are belligerent and some just don't care....
Once again (and it's sad that I have to keep saying this) It doesn't mean that car drivers should not be held responsible for what they do or don't do, but I do not feel that cyclists can absolve themselves of all responsibility for accidents if they do not take all possible steps to ensure it especially given that even if they do the chances are some idiot in a car will take them out anyway....
Does that make sense?
if it doesn't pm me your phone number and i will happily chat (in a totally unheated way - this is not me saying oiiii you, outside!) it over because i can see what i am saying and it isn't far off what you are...but i've no doubt someone will jump on this post and tell me i'm a troll or an idiot or whatever their word of choice may be this evening...
Personally i don't really care what you think I am.... A man knows who he is without the need for external validation but I do find it funny when even my reason for being on this forum is questioned....
please for the love of (whoever the patron saint of cyclists may be) why oh why would I have ventured over here and onto this thread if i had not been sent a link...
Your own webmaster will be able to tell you my ip address and if he is any good also the fact that i arrived here after clicking a link...
oh and this is the email I got.....
On 18 Jun 2014, at 14:55, andy wrote:
From: andy Subject: [your-subject]
Message Body:
I see you are connected with the guy in this news article – do you really think this is wise?
http://road.cc/content/news/121405-video-my-name-penis-head-—-meet-britains-sweariest-driver
--
Oh look, I got an email too, just now:
Ok, For this one I will bite......
Perhaps where you are the world revolves around you....
Perhaps you are so narcissistic that you think your opinion is the only one that actually matters?
considering I was sent that email (but have decided not to put the email address it was sent from because I felt perhaps that would not be a nice thing to do) and i know that is the truth It will give me a real indication of the sort of people I am speaking to to find out if someone is willing to hold up their hand to sending it.
If they do then I am happy to meet some human beings, if they decide not to then I sense I will need to go elsewhere for intellect coupled with honesty and integrity.
Or in simple terms - it was not aimed at you, it was aimed at the person who sent the mail who clearly has had some interaction with this thread hence sending me the link.
So, it's none of your business you petty and argumentative excuse for a human being - It would be appreciated if your keyboard warrior skills were pitted against someone who has a similar iq to you, I hear the teletubbies are returning perhaps that might be a good start?
If i want your opinion in the future, I shall give it to you.
Sense, this makes none.
Did I swear at you?
No i simply stated my opinion based on your conduct and ability to grasp basic English thus far....
Oh and yes i am being somewhat passive aggressive in my patronising disparaging commentary.. It was my way of checking you were reading what i was typing....
On part two, It's a joke.....
Think about a nagging wife saying that to her husband....
I apologise. It was silly of me to consider subtle humour was within your skill set. Seriously, explaining things just gets boring.
it appears that the old mantra rings true...
If you're the smartest person in a room................
You're in the wrong room.
Nay, nay and thrice nay. I've commuted in central London by bike for ten years and I'm still here, which is pretty good evidence that I know how to cycle defensively. I've been had off three times and it's only because I've played quite a bit of contact sport and know how to take a fall that I've not been badly hurt. On precisely none of those three occasions did I contribute to the collision, other than by being there; one was a close overtake by a car pulling a wide trailer, one was a taxi doing a U-turn directly into me, and the most recent was a close overtake/dooring combo. There was nothing I could have done to avoid coming off, otherwise I'd have done it! There have been countless other near-misses that I have managed to narrowly avoid.
I would LOVE to be able to take full responsibility for my safety on the road, because getting hit hurts and 33 is a tad young to be made into road pizza. So, what do you suggest I do, other than stop riding my bike entirely, that will allow me to shoulder the entire burden of responsibility for my own safety?
You're certainly in the wrong room
Is there a horse in here or has it gone up Pompeii?
I agree i didn't put my point across perfectly in my comment to your earlier....
Does this help?
Once again (and it's sad that I have to keep saying this) It doesn't mean that car drivers should not be held responsible for what they do or don't do, but I do not feel that cyclists can absolve themselves of all responsibility for accidents if they do not take all possible steps to ensure it especially given that even if they do the chances are some idiot in a car will take them out anyway....
finally, serious question - I assume you were in earnest re your 355 ownership, is it a GTS, GTB or spider? and in all honesty do you know what was happening at Dunsfold today?
If so then i believe we do know each other....
OK, Harry_J... Read this statement, which is what I tried to say before. No, read it again, and again, and the text that went with it.
Yes, we're 100% aware (at least on this thread) about exactly how it works.
And again...
The only way that we can cycle, is to hand over some of our safety into the hands of other road users. That's fine.
It's the careless & homicidal we have issues with!
No kidding.
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