Cyclist’s naked toilet stop in field drives Yorkshire farmer potty

Landowner urges riders tackling Tour de France route to use proper toilets

by Simon_MacMichael   June 12, 2014  

Toilet_sign.png

A farmer in Yorkshire who found a naked cyclist defecating in his field says that riders tackling the route of the Tour de France should ensure they use proper toilets and not the countryside.

According to the Westmoreland Gazzette, when the farmer confronted the cyclist, who had stripped off his Lycra clothing prior to going about his business, the man promised to come back and clean up his mess, but has failed to do so.

The newspaper says that details of the incident, which happened in Wensleydale, were first revealed on Facebook by the farmer’s wife, who said:

This morning we watched a man on a cycle race come into our field, strip completely naked and use our field as a toilet. Leaving the evidence together with the paper!

Kids thought funny and can't wait to tell everyone at school tomorrow. My husband didn't find it quite as funny as it is in a field he is about to silage.

My husband went and spoke to the bloke and apparently he is coming back later to clean it up. We are very excited about the race but can the people using the route not spoil it and please find REAL toilets. Rant over.

The farmer subsequently said that he had seen something unusual in the field and used binoculars to get a better look.

"There was a man naked after taking his one-piece Lycra suit off squatting down and doing his business,” he recalled.

"I went down and had a word with him. First of all he denied it but I thought: 'You cheeky sod - we've just seen you'.

"He said he was going to come back and clean it up. I took a photo of him - he'd got dressed by then - and told him that I'll pass it to the police and let them sort it out if he doesn't come back.

"I think the chance of him coming back is pretty slim though," he added.

The farmer revealed that to add insult to injury, the spot the cyclist had chosen for his makeshift latrine was the very one from where he and his family planned to watch the Tour de France pass by. He said they would now find another vantage point.

It’s not the first toilet-themed controversy we’ve covered this year. In April, UK Cycling Events, which organises the Wiggle New Forest Spring Sportive and other events in the national park, said it would ban 18 riders from its events for breaking rules including urinating by the roadside rather than in the portable toilets it provides.

The previous month, five junior cyclists participating in a race in Belgium received fines for urinating on the Menin Gate in Ypres, a memorial to British, Irish and Commonwealth casualties of World War One.

44 user comments

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giff77 wrote:
Haven't done Glastonbury. But some of my memories of other festival bogs were that of a plank of wood with a hole cut into it suspended above a huge pit lined with industrial tarp. Sick Sick Sick Slurry tanks were brought in to drain the offending mixture.

Glastonbury's Long Drops are truly a sight to behold. Huge pits filled with everything. Drugs, phones, keys, passports, money. You're not getting it back once its landed down there.

posted by farrell [1404 posts]
12th June 2014 - 15:37

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As any parent knows, IT IS ONLY POO. If you've never had another person's poo on or near you, you're either childless, or going to the wrong parties.

Nobody ever had the squits cycling? You're not trying hard enough/eating enough gels.

I wrecked myself dashing around Ireland. On the fourth day I had spasms as though the Four Horsemen were upon me. It was enter Dublin to greet my wife covered in squits or find a bushel. So I found a bushel. And some nice wipey leaves.

Matt Stephens has got caught out too. Poo is the great leveller. Ask The Queen (don't).
http://www.vulpine.cc/Blog/bikes-tech/matts-musings-1

Nature can catch us unawares. Especially if you're pushing Nature's limits. Its a little unfair (actually its bullying) to try and uncover the identity of someone who is probably (and rightly so) mortified. Keith, be nice, use your time for good, not evil.

Though my argument is somewhat undermind by the presence of toilet paper........ Maybe he has 'issues'. Sick

www.vulpine.cc
@aslongasicycle
@vulpinecc

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posted by aslongasicycle [301 posts]
12th June 2014 - 15:44

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Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

posted by Some Fella [748 posts]
12th June 2014 - 16:28

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Lot's of points of concern, lady farmer's description of 'race' could be sportive or anything? and whilst not condoning , it is a fact that many Councils are closing public toilets and in the dales there are big gaps between settlements where one might find anything open?

posted by langsett [19 posts]
12th June 2014 - 16:55

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Some Fella wrote:
Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

It's a silage field! You know, winter feed for livestock. It ain't going to have animals in it, neither is it going to have loads of chemicals put on it to increase yield. Silage is basically a mixture of green hay and molasses. D Oh

Anyway how would you like it if I came round and laid a curly-wurly in your garden. Think about it. Thinking

He's lucky. Most of the farmers round where I grew up carried two 'special' shotgun cartridges. They had the shot replaced by rock salt. Didn't do any long term harm but it stung like a b**t**d! Crying

posted by levermonkey [362 posts]
12th June 2014 - 16:58

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Some Fella wrote:
Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

Silage is cut grass that's then fermented to use as winter feed for cattle or sheep - nobody wants the animals we go on to eat consuming human excrement. It can contain all kinds of pathogens that we absolutely don't want in the food chain, like tapeworms and antibiotic resistant bacteria. So the farmer has every right to be peeved.

Plus Yorkshire isn't really a big TB area so your views on the badger cull are irrelevant here.

posted by Steen397 [1 posts]
12th June 2014 - 17:42

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To be fair to the rider, I'm going to assume that he didn't go out with the intention of crapping in a field. Most of us would rather use a proper loo if one is available and I'm sure that this guy is no different, even if he does prefer to bring his own choice of clean-up materials.

I've been forced to take a couple of wild poos in my time and I can say with some certainty that it's a last resort. Cycling is one of those activities where you can find yourself a long way from a real toilet. I hadn't heard of the bags designed for the purpose before now. Maybe worth considering, although the prospect of carrying 'leavings' in my jersey pocket alongside my food makes me a little uncomforatable.

edit: I've just had a look online at these bags and it looks like they would not be practical for cyclists due to the way they work. They appear to use a powder that expands into a gelly when wet and I honestly think that a used one would be too big to carry in a jersey pocket. They look like they might be a useful thing to have on-board for touring though.

posted by Matt eaton [395 posts]
12th June 2014 - 17:51

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There's so many crap jokes here they write themselves.

posted by nicholassmith [63 posts]
12th June 2014 - 17:53

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I'd just like to point out that not all badgers vote Tory.

posted by rorymcclelland [6 posts]
12th June 2014 - 18:07

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I have always been suspicious of blokes in skin suits.

posted by surly_by_name [142 posts]
12th June 2014 - 18:36

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I'm still bemused at the paper though!

If you must, use the bag you keep your phone in and throw it in the next bin.

Always go before you leave.....it less weight to lug around!

Or one of these ? http://road.cc/content/review/121010-cycloc-loop

All Campag

posted by Flying Scot [529 posts]
12th June 2014 - 19:01

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Some Fella wrote:
Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

Those 'custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum' grow the food you eat.

Unless of course you grow all your own produce yourself.

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posted by Dapper Giles [49 posts]
12th June 2014 - 19:05

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Take a dump before you set off, and if in any "doubt" take a dump at the first toilet you come across. Having a crap in a farmer fieldis just not on. What sort of impression does it make for the rest of us?

I'd mad as hell if I was the farmer, it's just not on. Making a promise to clean, then buggering off and leaving it says everything you need to know about this character.

TDF in Yorkshire should leave a good impression, thus sort of thing totally undermines the organisers hard work Angry

Endorphines going up and adrenaline going down, who needs drugs?

posted by banzicyclist2 [211 posts]
12th June 2014 - 19:17

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Just a quick question to all those who think this is highly amusing.

If someone took a dump on your drive/front garden/doorstep would you be happy about it?

If it is not acceptable on your properties, why is it acceptable on somebody else's?

posted by freespirit1 [156 posts]
12th June 2014 - 19:59

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this incident happened near leyburn and was in my local press. people may have either sympathy for the rider or antipathy for the farmer but this is my local patch and there is a local contingent of moaners here complaining about the tour coming: road closures, road repair priorities being directed to the race route, school closures on the friday before the race, and groups of cyclists tearing through their villages riding the route so people doing what this man did on private land, in the open, and not in a particularly remote area where there aren't cafes and pubs to stop (this is yorkshire, not alaska) does not help those of us who live and ride here all year round in our relationship with our neighbours, not does it do much for the image of the tour itself

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posted by Northernbike [127 posts]
12th June 2014 - 20:11

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TAM'S MUCKLE TURD.

Intae the wids amongst the trees.
Tam bared his erse, his cheeks to ease.
Nae sinner hud his breeks gan doon.
Than shitty flees were swarming roon.
Intae the wind he bared his baws
And from his erse a big keech faws.
The reek it curled amoungst the trees.
‘twis enough tae make the birdies sneeze.
An’ a’ the bees on bended knees,
Got sick a fricht o’ Tams big erse.

Big Tam wis in awfy pain.
It came oot his erse like a nine pund wean.
Thur wis a tear faw fi’ his eee
For a bigger shite you’d never see.

Big Tams erse wis raw an sair.
Says big Tam I’ll shite nae mair.
Yonder it lay amoungst the grit.
A dirty stinkin’ muckle shit.

Yonder it lat si saft, si fresh.
Nae een, nae teeth, nae brains, nae flesh.
I swear it never drew a breath.
Tams Muckle Turd.

onward ever onward

bikecellar's picture

posted by bikecellar [224 posts]
12th June 2014 - 20:12

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It was OK for the nation's darling Paula Radcliffe to curl one off on live TV, what's wrong with a chap trying to do one in private?

posted by andyp [860 posts]
12th June 2014 - 20:14

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If you spend your time outside then at some point you're likely to need to take a shit outside. The first rule in this situation is BE DISCREET!!! The secong rule is make sure you have something to wipe with. The third rule is BE DISCREET!!!

What a plonker.

And that goes for Paula Radcliffe as well.

posted by drfabulous0 [307 posts]
12th June 2014 - 20:45

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Matt eaton wrote:
To be fair to the rider, I'm going to assume that he didn't go out with the intention of crapping in a field. Most of us would rather use a proper loo if one is available and I'm sure that this guy is no different, even if he does prefer to bring his own choice of clean-up materials.

I've been forced to take a couple of wild poos in my time and I can say with some certainty that it's a last resort. Cycling is one of those activities where you can find yourself a long way from a real toilet. I hadn't heard of the bags designed for the purpose before now. Maybe worth considering, although the prospect of carrying 'leavings' in my jersey pocket alongside my food makes me a little uncomforatable.

edit: I've just had a look online at these bags and it looks like they would not be practical for cyclists due to the way they work. They appear to use a powder that expands into a gelly when wet and I honestly think that a used one would be too big to carry in a jersey pocket. They look like they might be a useful thing to have on-board for touring though.

Maybe once done, you could dangle the bag from the handlebars in full view until you find a bin?! Sick

Last night I would have considered trading a very loud baby for a really nice bike.

posted by notfastenough [3108 posts]
12th June 2014 - 21:31

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farrell wrote:
giff77 wrote:
Haven't done Glastonbury. But some of my memories of other festival bogs were that of a plank of wood with a hole cut into it suspended above a huge pit lined with industrial tarp. Sick Sick Sick Slurry tanks were brought in to drain the offending mixture.

Glastonbury's Long Drops are truly a sight to behold. Huge pits filled with everything. Drugs, phones, keys, passports, money. You're not getting it back once its landed down there.

That's nothing, try using an old and not very long drop in a developing country where you can see the rat holes all around the entrance and when you look down, there's Mr Ratty twitching his shit covered whiskers.

OldRidgeback

posted by OldRidgeback [2193 posts]
12th June 2014 - 21:40

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giff77 wrote:
Haven't done Glastonbury. But some of my memories of other festival bogs were that of a plank of wood with a hole cut into it suspended above a huge pit lined with industrial tarp. Sick Sick Sick Slurry tanks were brought in to drain the offending mixture.

A mate of mine fell in them at Glastonbury one year!

posted by Initialised [117 posts]
13th June 2014 - 0:34

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Whether you've been before you go out or not, the urge can come on quickly and then you've no choice. Public conveniences are not that easy to find in the middle of nowhere. I've had to go in many a bush over the years.

posted by Beaufort [145 posts]
13th June 2014 - 7:40

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freespirit1 wrote:
Just a quick question to all those who think this is highly amusing.

If someone took a dump on your drive/front garden/doorstep would you be happy about it?

If it is not acceptable on your properties, why is it acceptable on somebody else's?

Well it seem perfectly acceptable to allow doggy to crap all over my front garden and leave it. Or to leave bags on hanging in trees or the new one around my place is to leave the bag on top of other people's wheelie bins, not inside but on top. Maybe this is just an extension of that "I'm all right Jack, sod the rest of you" mentality?

posted by Yorkshie Whippet [291 posts]
13th June 2014 - 8:01

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Couldn't agree more.

Especially as I recently spent a very unpleasant 15 minutes or so clearing dog shit from my mother in laws front garden.

I was tempted to put up a sign offering to go around the owners houses and taking a dump on their sofas. I came to the conclusion that the dog owners probably wouldn't notice.

posted by freespirit1 [156 posts]
13th June 2014 - 8:30

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OldRidgeback wrote:
That's nothing, try using an old and not very long drop in a developing country where you can see the rat holes all around the entrance and when you look down, there's Mr Ratty twitching his shit covered whiskers.

Oh, I appreciate fully that there are far, far, worse facilities to use, however I doubt in a developing country you got to witness the utterly absurd image of Mr Ratty crawling over a shining white iPhone (or even some whining shite's iPhone) amongst all the jobby. It's more the juxtaposition of all the items that people nowadays hold so very dear like phones cash, drugs etc in a huge pit of effluent.

Initialised wrote:
A mate of mine fell in them at Glastonbury one year!

Go on, what had he dropped/lost?

posted by farrell [1404 posts]
13th June 2014 - 10:52

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I take it that the farmer (like all good farmers) cleans the shite off the roads after his tractors and animals have made a mess of them.

posted by offshore_dave [38 posts]
13th June 2014 - 13:01

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Some Fella wrote:
Farmer objects to human pooing in field that he has either set aside for animals to poo in or that he is going to dump loads of chemicals in at some point to increase yield?
Farmers = custodians of the countryside and fucking hypocritical Tory badger killing scum.

Fairly sure they kill leftie badgers too.

Really, though?

posted by workhard [378 posts]
13th June 2014 - 14:01

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workhard wrote:
Fairly sure they kill leftie badgers too.

One of the first drafts of Woodie Guthrie's guitar sticker?

posted by farrell [1404 posts]
13th June 2014 - 14:09

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How far was the offending turd from the nearest public convenience. Perhaps the phantom crapper was trying his best to reach them but couldn't hold it in and in his haste the field was the lesser of two evils.

posted by Dunks517 [44 posts]
14th June 2014 - 13:01

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I always carry tissues...

posted by caaad10 [109 posts]
15th June 2014 - 5:15

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