Home

Further on from Ghedebrav's idea to spot the stupid sayings of ITV commentators Paul Sherwen and Phil Liggett i wonder how many of these they can knock off today?

My famous formula of 1 min per 10k

Nesting Vultures

My old team La redoute

The big Queenslander

Cav's old Leadout man

Since the days of Pulidor and Anquetil

He was a great mountain biker

Fuglsang's bandages

Flag of Wales flying for Geraint Thomas

feel free to add your own!!

50 comments

Avatar
cherrypicked [168 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Need to be in the first 15 or 20 places
Off the front or at the back
Able to turn them inside out for their team leader
Flat across the road indicating that the peloton is not turning the pedals in anger
Long stretched out line indicating that x team is trying to chase down the breakaway for their sprinter

Avatar
Joelsim [1975 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

ES all the way for me. Much prefer Carlton & Sean.

Avatar
cherrypicked [168 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

The new one I love to hate:
Pinot has shown no respect to the established riders

Avatar
chokofingrz [407 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

A few days ago they called the current polka-dot wearer Majkcek, which sounded like Mike Check.

Also:
"All these roundabouts will help the breakaway riders of course"
"On this descent he'll be approaching speeds of around 100km/h" (always the same number regardless of rider's actual speed)
"By the look on his face he's really starting to suffer" (moments after "he's looking so strong today, I think he might just take this stage")

And of course, the perennial classic:
"This is a man who just loves to ride his bike" (about anyone)

Avatar
tarquin_foxglove [132 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

He's such a fantastic bike handler.

Avatar
tarquin_foxglove [132 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

There's a pile up ... frank schlock is on the floor

Avatar
Meaulnes [67 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

"In the month of July"
"Traffic circles"
"Just so you're not confused, he's not smiling, he's actually grimacing!"
"Rafael Maj-ka"

Following on from an excellent recce by Chris Boardman in which he explained how melt water from a glacier was causing water to leak onto the roads: Phil "The tar's melting!!"

Avatar
Kapelmuur [325 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Did I really hear Paul Sherwin suggesting that Bernie Eisel was a good bet to win a sprint finish a few days ago?

Avatar
Kapelmuur [325 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

'The elastic's snapped'

Avatar
Ghedebrav [1100 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

I have heard Phil call Bauke Mollema 'Bob Malka' - that was a favourite.

Avatar
MartyMcCann [236 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Today we were transported back a few years when Jan Bakelants was described as riding for "Omega-Pharma Lotto" and on nearly every stage they have also referred to OPQS as "Omega-Pharma QuickStop".
Oh and "Stephen-sorry Nicolas-Roche is on the front" (although they did refer to him as Laurence on another occasion -Nico's uncle).

Avatar
Flying Scot [918 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

'Traffic circles'

Avatar
s_lim [178 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

I've heard Tinko Saxoff mentioned a few times. I prefer Carlton and Sean too, at least Carlton gets excited for the right reasons, and not just at random intervals

Avatar
ray silvester [1836 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Bruno Thibaut anyone?

Avatar
cavasta [216 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

"He's literally turning himself inside out."

Avatar
HalfWheeler [466 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

"He's shown them a clean pair of wheels"

Still, they're much better than the banal insanity of Carlton Kirkby on Eurosport. He's beyond Alan Partridge.

Avatar
sanderville [340 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Sortantly Sean Kelly have made de calculation but - nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn - he may have to pay de proice.

Still beats Sherwin and Shithead hands-down though.

Avatar
cavasta [216 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

And from the last stage into Paris:

"As they ride past the tomb of the unknown shoulder."
"This Tour will simply will not lie down."
"Jens Voigt: the oldest rider in the peloton." (Also used 3-4 times every day throughout the past three weeks.)

Avatar
Redvee [238 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Had to rewind the ITV coverage today when I heard P&P say Richie Porte was riding up to Arc De Triomphe as he descended down the other side of the Avenue.  7
Pretty sure I heard Sean Kelly mention the Swedish cycling team, Ulrika Green Edge  29

Avatar
Him Up North [235 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes
Crosshouses wrote:

Did I really hear Paul Sherwin suggesting that Bernie Eisel was a good bet to win a sprint finish a few days ago?

Today he nearly was!  13

Avatar
Flying Scot [918 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes
cavasta wrote:

And from the last stage into Paris:

"As they ride past the tomb of the unknown shoulder.")

I nearly pished myself with that one.

Avatar
Ghedebrav [1100 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

I should start by saying I don't like ripping into Phil & Paul; they are the historic sound of cycling commentary for me; Channel 4 and all that. But they do actually get worse every year. The misidentification and mispronunciation (among the other factual errors they make) is just ridiculous now. As pointed out above, they get weirdly excited at very minor incidents, plus I think we can all now see through Sherwen's tactic of naming about twenty-five 'favourites' for every sprint stage to mask his general disinterest and lack of knowledge.

Sports commentary is a tough job. Commentators (especially I think in football) get too much criticism. But it's reached the stage now where I legitimately believe that, with a bit of practice, I could do a better job than Phil Liggett. Certainly I seem to have a better grasp of basic facts about the race and rider identification than he does. And the fact that he makes Kirby - the Jonathan Pearce of cycling - sound like a master of understated linguistic poise, accuracy and proportional response - says it all.

Your ideal combo would probably be Hatch and Backstedt. I like Simon Brotherton too, but Rob Hatch is the gold standard for cycling commentary right now. Backstedt has been rightly praised for the quality of his analysis, his ability to correctly identify riders (still much harder than it should be for a TV sport, therefore an essential quality in a commentary team) and of course has pedigree as a winner.

Saying that, I do think Hatch & Kelly have developed a nice chemistry and complement each other well. Let's not forget that, for all the fun we can have with his speech patterns, Kelly was a pretty great cyclist and - like the proverbial stopped clock - does sometimes provide the real pithy insight only a champion can offer.

Avatar
jmaccelari [241 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

'The Murray Walker' team of cycling! I just can't stand Carlton Kirby, so ITV4 was my spot for watching the tour...

Avatar
ray silvester [1836 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

It's a shame for ITV because Imlach and Boardman(plus regular little cameo's from Millar and Jensie) is a good studio team.

Avatar
STEVESPRO 79 [544 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

This years Tour de France was a great race, without the normal boring ridealong stages that we sometimes get from time to time... and yet the commentary just lacked the same class... they commentate off the same pictures that we see and at times its laughable... Carlton Kirkby should be put out to pasture with the cow that Sean Kelly once won in a race.... I know that fact because so far the repetitive Carlton has told me 1,523 times.... As for Sean, well it just goes to say that great bike riders do not always make great commentators.....

Im not saying that its easy, I just think that it could be done much better.... As for the ITV4 commentary, well I am not even going to comment....

Cycling is gathering more fans all the time, and the TV channels need to up their game and keep up with the pace....

Avatar
BikeBud [205 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

Agree that it is a difficult job. I forgive Phil Ligget most things, but Sherwen often provokes a "FFS shut up Paul" from me.

Ned has released Chris Boardman from his wooden style - a good duo which will surely get better.

Avatar
Ghedebrav [1100 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

They don't really work for ITV 4, their stream is farmed out across a number of anglophone markets. I expect it's cheaper for ITV (or rather the production company, who have been doing the job since the Channel 4 days) to buy that in rather than set up their own dedicated guys, as Eurosport do (which incidentally also makes ES more appealing to those of us who 'second screen' as they can field questions from Twitter etc. during quieter moments).

But who knows - ITV have a slow-burning winner on their hands in their cycling coverage; perhaps they'll be tempted to give them another shoestring to improve the production?

Avatar
Colin Peyresourde [1724 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes

The one is hate is when Phil starts talking about GC contenders as 'heads of State'. Which State's are these Phil? They're bloody trade teams you numpty. I'll never forgive Phil for his pro-Armstrong positioning. It was almost enough for me to turn my back on cycling.

Avatar
notfastenough [3685 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes
ray silvester wrote:

It's a shame for ITV because Imlach and Boardman(plus regular little cameo's from Millar and Jensie) is a good studio team.

I know what you mean, there's a distinct difference in quality between the likes of Ned, Gary, CB etc, and the actual commentary feed.

Avatar
Ghedebrav [1100 posts] 2 years ago
0 likes
Colin Peyresourde wrote:

The one is hate is when Phil starts talking about GC contenders as 'heads of State'. Which State's are these Phil? They're bloody trade teams you numpty. I'll never forgive Phil for his pro-Armstrong positioning. It was almost enough for me to turn my back on cycling.

Regardless of his personal relationship with Armstrong and his private views, (which he is absolutely entitled to have) it was pretty stupid of him to air them publicly. Not only because should he remain neutral as the race commentator, but also because his opinions suggest either one of:

a) he was lying as part of Lance's cover-up

or

b) he believed that Lance was clean. Fine, except how anyone could believe that ANY cyclist was/is clean *beyond reasonable doubt* at that time - especially someone making a living from talking about the sport! - and talk stridently in pubic about it shows an extraordinary level of naivety.

Pages