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VecchioJo unearths more Lance evidence

 

Looking in the corners of the clothing drawer, prospecting for warmer leg lycra I unearth my old Livestrong bib-shorts.

I’m sure I put them away clean.

Jo Burt has spent the majority of his life riding bikes, drawing bikes and writing about bikes. When he's not scribbling pictures for the whole gamut of cycling media he writes words about them for road.cc and when he's not doing either of those he's pedaling. Then in whatever spare minutes there are in between he's agonizing over getting his socks, cycling cap and bar-tape to coordinate just so. And is quietly disappointed that yours don't He rides and races road bikes a bit, cyclo-cross bikes a lot and mountainbikes a fair bit too. Would rather be up a mountain.

9 comments

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arrieredupeleton [574 posts] 3 years ago
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Wooliferkins [49 posts] 3 years ago
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You could put yourself through a lie detector test to find out for sure. "Allegedly"

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SimonT1971 [35 posts] 3 years ago
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Must be some strong gear, they're still glowing!

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gothrick [11 posts] 3 years ago
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They look well made you can hardly see the needle marks on the contrast stitching!

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Collett73 [14 posts] 3 years ago
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notfastenough [3661 posts] 3 years ago
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Such a waste, just because some of the black/yellow kit looks cool, but there's no way I'd buy it now...

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seanieh66 [196 posts] 3 years ago
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I've got the Special Ed 6th Tour USPS kit they wore for the final stage. Its cool kit, but I can't see myself ever wearing it again.

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FreudianSlit [10 posts] 3 years ago
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Sudor [184 posts] 3 years ago
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I think it's time we had an Armstrong Team Kit Surrender Amnesty : -

The current kit style enforcement Officer Patrick McQuid said"

This dirty Armstrong kit problem-malarky had grown to epic proportions and normal steps to control it had failed . . . . "we know it's controversial but something drastic needs to be done now to rid the streets of this yellow and black menace"

Officer McQuid, who is up for re-election next year, went on to set out the terms of the amnesty : -

"Anyone handing in Armstrong kit to our local re-cycling centres by the deadline will be guaranteed anonymity and freedom from sanctimonious jibes "

When pressed on what would happen to those who continued to wear and harbour the dodgy kit McQuid said . -

"Anyone caught with dodgy kit after the deadline will be required to wear it unwashed for three consecutive club runs"

When challenged on whether the immunity from enforcement or sanctions were too lenient or draconian McQuid commented " Not at all, we at the station have been struggling with this pernicios kit problem for years and, despite our best efforts including our ground breaking DIY Kit Dyeing Kits it's still every where you look especially at those cyclo-sportivo thingy's all the rage on the continent"

Ex armstrong kit wearers saddened at the state things have come to have commented that Officer McQuid was desperate to hold on to his job at the station and this was his last chance to prove he could get to grips with the kit issue.

McQuids retired predecessor at the station, Heineken VinBroodin, is rumoured to be the source of recent leaks about the dodgy kit amnesty that forced McQuid to go public about it earlier than he'd intended - when we contacted him he said " Pat's stock is riding low at the moment - if successful (the amnesty) may just enable McQuid to hang on for another term"

At the end of the press conference Officer McQuid added that if the amnesty was a success at riding the streets of this stuff and if the result of the "Italian Padova investigation thingy" confirmed the existence of yet more varieties of dodgy kit the amnesty may be extended to deal with those other "allegedly lurid and hideous team colour-ways at Astana, Lampre, Liquigas, Rabobank, RadioShack and Vacansoleil"

As he left the briefing McQuid was challenged by the mother of now downhearted ex armstrong kit wearer about the rumours circulating (vehemently denied by McQuid) that style Officers at the station had been gifted non-branded socks by the dodgy kit manufacturer (Acquascrotum). McQuid said he couldn't comment as "everything has been passed now to the Laundry for washing".