Allo Allo meets Allez Wiggo! Poetic recap of the 2012 Tour de France... in Franglais

The Academie Francaise wouldn't like it... but we do, and hope you do too

by   July 22, 2012  

Tour de France 2012 route

One of the best things we've seen on Twitter over the past three weeks as Bradley Wiggins has headed towards Tour de France glory have been the short poems - 140 characters or less, naturally - tweeted by Le Tour en Franglais at the end of each stage. They've certainly brightened our evenings up, and we thought they deserved a wider audience, so with the creator's kind permission, here is the whole of the 2012 Tour de France in verse.

For now, sadly, the identity of the author must remain anonymous, not least in case the Academie Francaise, proud guardians of the French language, decide to dispatch Jean Reno to the land of les rosbifs to hunt down the perpetrator. Plenty of great works of literature have authors whose names are lost in the mist of time, however, and like all epic poems, this one starts, of course, with a prologue...

Prologue

Tejay rode well
Chavanel était mieux
Brad n'était bad
Fabian - fabuleux!

Stage 1

Sky's helmets étaient très yellow
On disait bunches de bananas
Fabs a fait le leadout
Mais le winner, c'est Sagan

Stage 2

Un stage pour les sprinters
Kittel était sick
Presque Goss, presque Greipel
Mais Cav est trop quick

Stage 3

Cav et Hummel had un tiff
Le race était trop crashy
Chava presque pulled it off
Sagan’s salute: très flashy!

Stage 4

Nibbles surfs les voitures
C’est cheeky mais c’est legal
Lotto font le leadout
Sagan! Petacchi!! Greipel!!!

Stage 5

Le breakaway! (Si fierce! Si brave!)
Fort, presque jusqu’à l’end!
Un late crash scuppered Sagan’s chance
Greipel gagnait again

Stage 6

Le crash! Greipel a sprinté
Son shoulder disloqué
Sagan fait Hulk impressions
Et Hummel’s chain snappait

Stage 7

Finalement! Le Tour dans les mountains!
Le peloton! All over le shop!
Brad finit happy en yellow
Et Froome prend le stage et les spots

Stage 8

Beaucoup de breakaways today
Tout le monde had a go
Pinot! Si young! Si formidable!
Mais le scene-stealer: Madiot

Stage 9

Les riders did leur ITT
Sleek in leurs aero suits
Wiggo! Si vite! Froomey séconde
Evans needs deux minutes

Stage 10

Les quatre braves stayed off le front
But… Jens! Ta gueule, les jambes!
Sanchez avait un go – courage!
Mais Tommy est le BOMB

Stage 11

Froome chassait Nibbles down si fort
Il laissait Sticks for dust
Le noise! Les radios, sur le blink!
Rolland: ravi, Evans: bust

Stage 12

Un stage très long! Un petit nap…
Soudain! It all kicks off!
Millar contrôle la petite groupe
Win magique pour le Scot

Stage 13

Ah! Bastille Day! Les français
Wanted to be les vainqueurs
Mais Greipel took it sur la ligne
Et no-one disait [insertez Wiggoese ici]

Stage 14

Showgirls! Dans les Pyrénées!
Froome says he’s frustré
Cadel puncture, Rolland attaque
Un wristslap pour Tejay

Stage 15

Le rest day came un jour too soon
Le peloton ont nappé
Vande Velde! Un bon try
Fedrigo l’happé chappé

Stage 16

Trente-huit men dans le breakaway!
Cadel’s bungee se détache
Un clash sur un corner unseatait Horner
Et FurklerGurns wins! Quel panache!

Stage 17

Last jour dans les montagnes
Voeckler gets les pois
Valverde wins, Froome est reined in
Vas, Froomey! Non! Vas pas!

Stage 18

Les sprinters jostlait dans le strait
Sanchez et Roche sont ready
Too late! Le projectile de l’Ile!
Cav crossed la ligne already!

Stage 19

Lappé par son teammie
Pauvre Cadel, sur les ropes!
Froome a vroomé en séconde
Brad réalise tous nos hopes

Stage 20

Brad et Chris sur le podium
Les victors britanniques !
Le maillot jaune fait le leadout train
Un jour bien historique

4 user comments

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C'etait une totally wonderful morceau de poetry!

Thor

posted by Thor Beverley [47 posts]
25th July 2012 - 7:47

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eet ees very good, oui?!

Stage 18 is the best.

If I could have, say, 6 bikes, would it stop me drooling over others that I don't have?

posted by notfastenough [2879 posts]
25th July 2012 - 8:31

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Stages 13 et 15 mes favoris
Mais all of it est bon
J'ai reposté à mes amis
J'espere qu'ils trouve it fun.

Boardman CX Team '14 | Cannondale CAAD8 '12 (written off, SMIDSY) | Scott Sportster '08

Gizmo_'s picture

posted by Gizmo_ [711 posts]
31st July 2012 - 11:49

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Bravo!

Thomas FurklerGurns is a name that will stick in my mind for sure, lol......

It doesn't get easier, you just go faster.....maybe

pward's picture

posted by pward [88 posts]
1st August 2012 - 11:34

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