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Helmet that is also a walkie talkie, lights & indicator system, stereo, hands free kit, SOS beacon and text reading device

Helmets that only protect your head are so last week. Or that's the conclusion Livall apparently drew, shortly before they embarked on a mission to add, well, just about everything, to one.

"Lights", they might have brainstormed. "Like fairy lights, all over the helmet."

"How about flashing indicator lights, too?"

"That's been done before".

"With a gaming-style remote control console, attached to the handlebars?"

"OK, that's pretty cool, bung it on."

"How about making phone calls while cycling?" They might have said, swatting away one of their previous inventions, a drone built in the shape of a vampire bat that has decided to practice its low fly-bys in their small shared office.

Yes, phone calls using a microphone with windbreaker technology, so even when you're battling a gale you can talk in length about the latest cycling gadget you've just bought and how its inbuilt Bluetooth speaker allows you to hear the stifled yawns of whoever is on the other end.

That Bluetooth speaker also acts as a walkie talkie, so you can talk to other riders in a group about it, should you mysteriously get cut off.

Mork calling Orson...

Then somebody brought in some cupcakes, and shit got inventive.

"How about it reads your texts out?", as last year's ambulant toaster waddled over and attempted to swallow someone's shoe, with his foot still inside.

"Out loud." Kicking the toaster back into the kitchenette.

So that while you're cycling to work, or on your Sunday morning ride, you can receive instant notification of the latest instalment of your friend's online dating saga, recounted in a dispassionate robot voice (we hope). And so can the person next to you, one might imagine*.

As well as that elevator music you insist on playing on your commutes because, of course, you can use the technology to listen to your favourite choons. And so can the person next to you, one might imagine.

These guys didn't stop there, of course.

"What next. Emergency beacon?"

Oh yes, they did.

The three-axis G-sensor can detect unusual gravity acceleration if you fall off, so that, rather than being able to jump back on the bike as nonchalantly as possible, it emits a red flashing light, while that Judas helmet sends an SOS alert to your chosen emergency contacts.

Which will no doubt prove a laugh when you meet them down the pub later.

Of course it's not the first all-singing helmet we've encountered, the previous including, of course, windscreen wipers and a giant number plate.

Perhaps the aim of products like this are to make cyclists look even more like crazy overgrown kids than much of society still believes us to be. If so, then we tip our helmet to you, Livall. Perhaps they hope to distract us from that feeling one sometimes gets that no-one really wants us on the roads.

Slightly worrying, we thought, is the guy in the marketing material who appears to be clutching his helmet in a motion of sheer information overload.

Why stop there, though?

What would you put on a helmet? Head massager? Umbrella? Tea and coffee making facilities? Please tell us in the comments section, below. The best suggestion wins socks.

The Livall Bling is currently being crowd funded on Indiegogo, and has raised a whopping $103,118 in just eight days, 516% of its funding target. You've still got over a month to go to add both suggestions** and more money, to help the thing be mass produced.

*It might be advisable to limit your mum texting to tell you your washing's ready/your doctor texting to say the cream for that embarrassing rash is now available for collection/sexting to strict non-cycling hours of the day. Or it might prove a fun game among your friends to send surreal/inappropriate messages to you when they know you're out on the bike.

** We can't guarantee your suggestions will be taken on board by Livall, but we hope they will provide good entertainment for us.

23 comments

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don simon [1309 posts] 2 years ago
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Any lasers? We need lasers.

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Nick0 [181 posts] 2 years ago
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Drinks (coffee or beer?) holder with drinking tube.

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farrell [1946 posts] 2 years ago
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don simon [1309 posts] 2 years ago
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farrell [1946 posts] 2 years ago
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don simon wrote:
farrell wrote:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me9v03LzBG1qcqqpjo2_250.gif

Now that's odd...  17

It needs the sound to go with it really.

It's Dave Chappelle playing Prince, sounding angry and confused.

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Nick0 [181 posts] 2 years ago
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How about a turbo fan on the back of it. Would draw air through the lid (which must get warm with all that electrickery) and blow it out the back faster, and keep the beer cool.

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amawby [89 posts] 2 years ago
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As the thing has 3 axis accelerometers already, then it might be able to do some gesture recognition that could be used as an input for something. Changing gear on electronic shifting, changing screens on an ANT+ device, turning on the indicators, if the helmet has indicators!
Sorry, that isn't very funny is it.

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don simon [1309 posts] 2 years ago
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farrell wrote:
don simon wrote:
farrell wrote:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me9v03LzBG1qcqqpjo2_250.gif

Now that's odd...  17

It needs the sound to go with it really.

It's Dave Chappelle playing Prince, sounding angry and confused.

Makes a bit more sense now.... Just a bit mind...  3

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jug_23 [61 posts] 2 years ago
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I like that their website includes the following "endorsement":

"New 'smart' helmet lets you make calls and listen to music while you ride" -- Cycling Weekly

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CanAmSteve [256 posts] 2 years ago
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I'd love one with wind deflectors for my ears. Sorry but wind noise takes a lot of the enjoyment away for me, so I have to wear supplemental ear protection. I know, I'm cursed with good hearing (according to tests, as good as a teenager despite pushing 60) - many are already pretty deaf by 30 and don't care.

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triplettravel [25 posts] 2 years ago
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I need a helmet with an oven built in that can bake cakes. Just in case I get caught out on a ride where the distance between cake stops is just to much and I need to bake a cake.

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nuttyxander [9 posts] 2 years ago
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All I need is a light inside the helmet to tell me when to stop riding and head on kickstarter to back the next amazing technological fix for safety by strapping another dozen LEDs onto my body.

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Morat [272 posts] 2 years ago
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I think it needs an electrified mesh on the front to zap any insects before they fly into the vents and crawl around in your hair.
(Or worse - leave a custardy smudge on your million dollar helmet!)

edit: could it be powered by windmills? You could power one of those Gadget Mag plasma balls if you descend fast enough. That would look very high tech as you descend Buttertubs with your hair apparently on fire...

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don simon [1309 posts] 2 years ago
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obviously comes with attachments for cake, beer etc...

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honesty [75 posts] 2 years ago
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A place to store bananas such that when bananas are stored the helmet looks like a viking one.

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tonemonkey [11 posts] 2 years ago
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A built in swearer, so that when I'm on the receiving end of a punishment pass while out of breath it can call the driver an ass (or worse) on my behalf.

Autopilot.

Extendable legs so it can do the pedalling.

Wind-chimes.

For some reason I want to hear the Thomas the tank engine theme tune while riding. (this is a temporary thing) so something that plays that on loop...

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Beatnik69 [392 posts] 2 years ago
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Machine gun or RPG for punishment passes etc...

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bikebot [2119 posts] 2 years ago
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I'm still waiting for this to appear on kickstarter.

//o.aolcdn.com/hss/storage/midas/f39eb29599b34aa5cfdaec7d57e2521b/201589363/kagome-petit-tomatan-tomato-machine.jpg)

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2 Wheeled Idiot [432 posts] 2 years ago
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A small air force base to launch a squadron to attack the w@nker that just cut me up and buzzed my bars.
Not too much to ask is it??  39

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rix [184 posts] 2 years ago
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Electric fan to cool down your head... because solar panels on the helmet that power it are limiting ventilation  4

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biga [30 posts] 2 years ago
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After just recently having to buy a new helmet after a crash I don't think I would like to have anything else requiring buying again in my helmet...

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OldMixte [75 posts] 2 years ago
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The helmet superstructure needs voids filled with helium to effectively make the bike lighter so you can go faster

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OldMixte [75 posts] 2 years ago
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Link from the three-axis G-sensor to air bags on the sides of the helmet so if you come off the bike – like I did yesterday – so you get extra crash protection. Also provide linked airbags that you can strap on to your shoulders and hips to provide extra protection to those areas that get broken when you fall off, I didn’t break anything except the gear hanger on the bike but my shoulder and hip are aching. And they want £15 for a bit of alloy about an inch long!